Been playing heavily modded morrowind for a couple of weeks now. Best game ever. More or less.
This has resulted in not much piano playing. Been playing tennis like Ken Rosewall except 9 inches and close to 100 pounds bigger, so still a bit of power. Reading The Banished Craft by E D Bell book 3 now. About a world where dragons and humans have been split apart. Pro-vegan book. First I've ever really read.
Got back into running for a couple of weeks or so now. Just doing 4/2s at 8 minute miles so far. Just twice a week. Juggling I can do 6 or 7 three ball patterns and I can do 4 ball sync fountain for like 5 to 10 seconds.
Second child is due in 3 weeks. I continue to get no support at work. First child seems to be a strange combination of very smart and... really not, just like someone else I know.

Health is good. Sleeping well. Have been mostly avoiding gluten and feel better for it.

It occurs to me that I have to have uncommon friends. By that I seem to mean that they must be a bit nuts. Otherwise things just don't make sense. Perhaps, simply with friends as with lovers, we seek that which feels familiar.

"Lovers" is really not a word I use.

And so my friends are kooky. And this can be a problem, just about always. But well what, make friends with someone that's "normal"? Meh.

So then, so it goes.

And read The Boy From Tomorrow by Camille Deangelis. About two children who can communicate across 100 years. Brought a tear to my eye. Reminded me of my idea, not just a story idea, but something in the real world I desperately wanted, someone to just talk to far away as I lived hell. I of course could not find that in the real world. I found just more hell.

..also loving this Castlevania show on netflix. Which is unusual for me. Never watch TV shows. This is so dark. Destroying mankind. Evil religion. Good stuff.

Pretty much have Nyman's Heart Asks for Pleasure memorized. Now just need to spend a few months improving it. Have first 3 pages of beet's 7th 2nd movement mostly memorized in a way that I can play it with some sight reading glances. Now using metronome to try to get the hang of the third page where the left hand is sort of really 3/4 and the right is 2/4. Sort of. That may take a while to really sync them up. And I really haven't memorized the 2nd page sufficiently. Also still working on pathetique 2nd movement. Have forgotten 4th and 5th page and that's how it goes. While working so hard on Nyman's of course I then forget the previous thing which really I didn't memorize that great in the first place but it will eventually stick. And I really need to brush up Rach's c sharp prelude eventually. And I have unmemorized the the 4th page of moonlight easy movement. Oh well. I haven't been serious at it for very long yet. It will stick eventually. And if I'm glancing at the sheet music I can play this stuff not too bad...

Successfully made potato cakes for the first time. Next will add minced broccoli and garlic. Potatoes are my thing now. Really avoiding wheat. Although I do add a bit to the potato cakes. But really avoiding pasta and bread. Feel better this way. Better energy. Better digestion.

Quitting chocolate. Haven't liked my sleeping lately.

Cleaned my disaster of a mancave/library for first time in many years. Bekah helped. Jeff coming also played a role.

Successfully modded Skyrim for the first time. Way harder than it should be but some issue with my gaming computer of not being recognized as an admin lol. Etc.

Getting very close to juggling 4 balls now. Hardly ever practice it but finally just took some very soft balls to work and practice there a bit. Considering I never practice at home it's pretty good that I can do like 8 to 12 or so throws sometimes.

Thinking to put aside non-dominant forehand because actually I like how a one handed backhand feels better than a forehand anyway. I'll just have to practice it until it gets better. Going to focus on just the drive. Mixing it up with the slice is holding me back. Though I definitely won't do as well in matches without the slice.

Trying to become a d and d dungeon master despite having never actually played the game lol. Watching vids. Reading the books isn't enough I think. Bekah wants me to. And I think it will be very good for my sad writing aspirations.

Trying to learn Nyman's Teh Heart Asks for Pleasure First. It's a bit different and just strangely ...counter-intuitive and so it took 4 days to get the first 2 pages. But pushing yourself at such things is good. Feel like I'm a better player for it. Today did the first two lines of page 3 which are just very strange to me. They just don't follow much of any seemingly musical pattern. Took like at least two hours. Maybe 3, to slowly play (and memorize) those two lines. The first line took the vast majority of that time. Just very weird and I can't imagine something any harder to memorize excluding random non-music junk. Feel like I've broken my brain now. And my body for that matter but I think I'm just not feeling great today.

I really could have just spent another week on Pathetique 2nd movement. And I'm sure I will have forgotten it a bit when I come back to it. (I'm too exhausted to play more now). But it's a given that you memorize something, then forget it and rememorize and each time it should stick a bit stronger.

So I need to "brush up"/rememorize that and a few others. Almost finished (memorizing) 2nd page of beethovens 7th 2nd movement also. That's the one I love how it sounds. Nymans I barely like. But if I can mostly finish it in a week or so that's not too terrible to stand.

Fundamentals of Piano Practice by Chuan Chang
Good book that I'm 30% into. Probably best book I've found. Talks about 5 kinds of music related memory. Says I don't need to do a bunch of Hanon and scales and Czerny. Good.

Teh Verdant Passage: Prism Pendant by Troy Denning
First in a series. Light d and d reading. I like this stuff. I need to write it. My friend wants me to be our d and d dungeon master. So reading up. Enjoyable.

Great Pianist on Piano Playing by James Francis Cooke
Very old book that I'm 36%. Interesting to hear about how this stuff was 100 years ago. Piano is somewhat timeless. I like the idea of playing music that has been around a centuries.

Playing the Piano for Pleasure by Charles Cooke
33%. emphasizes building a repertoire. OK.

Ton of mostly piano related book samples.

So it was approximately Sep 9th that I decided I would work really hard for three weeks at left handed forehand, piano, perfect pitch and juggling four balls. I was motivated by Archie Dan Smith's book where he talks about a supposed 3 week rule and also the importance of avoiding interference. Since then I've read a lot of books about how best to practice. And no one else is talking about interference or any 3 week rule. In fact the best book goes on quite a bit about interleaving which is pretty much the opposite, where you purposely change things up. So I halfway along I stopped doing it like Smith advocated.

For the left handed forehand: Again I stopped worrying about interference and played tennis. Additionally as much of a novice as I am at this shot I don't have to do it a ton to improve. But I am being patient and continuing to work on this shot. Not giving it up. The main issue is not hitting it hard enough. But for low balls I'm getting close. For high balls I'm close to terrible. But two days ago I played a match against a good pusher (GM) and split sets and then won the tiebreak 10-2. I hit left handed forehand about 80% of the time instead of a backhand. Though because he's a pusher I was mostly hitting my right handed forehand once I got past the return of serve. (He does have a good first serve).

Juggling: Only practiced a little each day. Just my right hand with 2 for two plus weeks. When I started doing the left hand with 2 I found that the right hand is now a bit better than the left. So I have improved. But just a little bit. I just haven't put adequate time into this. It's just a matter of making sure the toss goes up in the right direction. Not terribly interesting.

Perfect pitch: I decided knowing the intervals is just more important. I quickly was able to discern 2nd minor, 2nd major (chopstick), perfect fifth (vaguely asian), and octave and seventh and major third. But just 3rd major and minor I'm terrible at. And I can see the same issue is there with perfect 4th and perfect 5th. And  the solution seems to be just playing a bunch of 3rds, etc on the piano. But when I sit down at the piano right now I want to focus on actually practicing the piano so putting this on hold.

Piano: Definitely have improved. Though I can see getting fatigued with trying to play everyday. I want to try to more or less continue that. I want to perfect the following repertoire:

Moonlight Sonata (can easily sight read but falter here or there on the memorization)

Rach's Prelude in C sharp minor (used to know and with just an hour of practice almost have it totally back except the very ending)

2nd movement of Beethoven's 7th symphony (the proprioception is difficult. The big jumps on the second page. Getting frustrated with how often I still hit the wrong note. Have only memorized the first page and a half because I'm really working on the proprioception.)

Dark Eyes Richard Benda (I have been able to play the first page or so for many years but trying to play without looking at hands is very difficult. Going to take a long time to manage that I'm sure.)

Scarlatti sonata in F major 118 (Haven't begun it yet. Wanted something baroque not by Bach that will help me with my technique and really like how this sounds.)

Pathetique Sonata 2nd movement by Beethoven (Can play first page so far).

Big thing is I'm learning proprioception whereas I used to just memorize and look at hands. Goal now is to play all this by memory without looking at hands. It's much more enjoyable when you don't look at hands, etc. Once I get the proprioception pretty well I expect I will speed up. I can hardly expect it to take just 3 weeks.

Make it Stick by Peter Brown
70% in. This is about the best way to learn/practice. Best book on the subject. Most important concepts are interleaving and retrieval (self quizzing). Don't mass practice, instead interleave. Jump from thing to thing. This gets it past the short term memory and into the long term. Don't just endlessly loop a passage for an hour on the piano. Loop a passage for a bit. Then another and so on. And then circle back around. Let it leave the short term memory and then... retrieve it. Bring it back using your memory. Every time you bring it back that way on your own it becomes stronger. People consistently have the illusion that mass practice works better. But for long term improvement interleaving works far better. In tennis hit a serve against a backboard followed immediately by two grounds strokes. Catch the ball and repeat. You have to be able to recall the different shots to mind quickly.

First Learn to Practice by Tom Heany
Useful book about music practice, had some additional ideas that combined with Make it Stick I have a basic piano practice routine. Something important is don't spend too much time just playing pieces from beginning to end. Common sense stuff. But very useful. Made notes elsewhere.

Elric and the Sleeping Sorceress by Michael Moorcock
A good blueprint for successfully writing something damnit. Go retrieve such and such magical artifact and use it to defeat some nemesis. Simple short stories in fantasy fiction setting. Got to find the time.

Thank god my friend Bekah seems to finally be better. Had a very typical manic episode it seems. Lasted the average amount of time. Financially ruined but no ruined relationships and she's not physically hurt. I must say though that seeing this and knowing that her brother is in his 30's and still lives at home really brings home that there is something seriously wrong with the other sister. Has helped me deal with the vicious thing she's doing though I hate to make it sound like there is anything positive to gain from the ordeal Bekah has suffered.

So my friend has now been admitted three times. The second was 23 days. This third time she refused to go to that place or the best place. A third place wouldn't take her for a reason that sounds more like they just wan't to get rid of her because she's incredibly difficult. She has now ended up someplace 3.5 hours away. I'm getting afraid she's not going to get better. She isn't just confused. She's like a different person. Very angry. You can't disagree with her. You can't even ask questions. I'm afraid she's going to end up divorced and homeless. And not really much I can do.

On to books.
Did I mention Empire of Silence? By Christopher Ruocchio. Soft science fiction in first person like they are very much telling a story. Vague Dune similarities. Prince but he gives it up rather than be forced to become something he abhors. Homeless for a while then works his way up through as a gladiator. Very much like Brent Weeks Night Angel in that regard. Now using his communication skills to communicate with the alien menace. And thus ends book one. Pretty good.

Did I mention the Vorrh by Brian Catling? I stopped 70%. May return. Someone said it was like Gene Wolfe. It's got some mystery going on and is pretty inventive. More impressive than Empire of Silence but not much of a page turner. No real heroes anywhere in sight. May finish someday. What's it really about? A weird guy with just one eye in the middle of his face who's fantastic in bed. Weird stuff going on in a forest. I don't hardly know what it's about.

6% into the On the Historicity of Jesus by Richard Carrier. Because of biological father who wants to convert me to Southern Baptist. Father is not a terribly intelligent man. Nor mother. Perhaps I'm much less so than I think. But still good lord, where did I come from? This book is depressing in that the evidence for his actual existence is terrible which confirms that people are stupid. Well it's depressing because I'd like to stay on good terms with my dumb father and I suspect sooner or later not being a christian will be an issue. Anyway I already knew the evidence for his actual existence was terrible. Wish I could be a christian but I can't just clap my hands and believe in things for which there is no evidence no matter that I wish I could. Or do I?

The Magician's Apprentice by Raymond Feist. It's like the prototype of the modern fantasy fiction story. But far less dark than what usually sells nowadays. A bit like TH White's The Once and Future King. But it's enjoyable. Very much so. 50% and will finish eventually.

12 Rules For Life by Jordan Peterson. A bestseller. I read the first rule about keeping your head up. He rambles on a bit much. Well way too much. Had a great beginning and a seemingly nice idea but kind of false advertising. Unlikely I will get around to finishing.

Muscle Memory and Imagery: Better Tennis by Archie Dan Smith.
This is a weird little book that cited some other good books and articles. Says really work hard at something for 3 weeks and you will more or less have permanently improved. This is certainly somewhat true. A year later I can still juggle three balls as good as ever after having worked at that for.... a month? Lots of things I like the idea of being good at. His talk of consolidation I think is important. Changing the way I practice the piano now. (much more repetitive). Disagree with his thoughts on interference. The paper he references is talking about a finger tapping sequence for only 6 minutes a day. Only partially applicable to other activities.

The Talent Code by Daniel Coyne. Meh. This guy's writing style is very annoying. Long winded and tries to pad it by adding stuff that isn't interesting at all. But occasionally something worthwhile. 57% in. Important subject.

Talent is Overrate by Geoff Colvin. Worse than Coyne. Thinks business people are something more than just lucky. Just started and may not get far but the subject is important to me.

House of Cards by Robyn Dawes. Reading because of my friend. Like Robert Whitaker pointing out American psychology is an absolute mess. Just started. Depressing. Not sure what to do for my friend. Ultimately her husband decides and he's not a reader, though a nice guy.

Peak: Secrets from the New Science of Expertise by Anders Ericcson. This is far far better than the previous related books. 37% in. This fellow is the real deal in the degree to which he has spent his life analyzing experts. Muscians, etc. Though his deliberate practice rules aren't that great.
1. Get a really good teacher (incidentally points out studies proving business people just got lucky)
2. Push yourself to do things you can't currently do
3. Have well defined short term goals
4. Think hard about what you're doing
5. Recognize your mistakes, the adjustments you need to make
6. Improve your mental representations
7. Constantly modify and improve upon existing skills

Not a great list of rules. Anyway only 37% in and has a lot that is good though. Read about developing perfect pitch in children. As a result I've bought an app called Toned Ear. Maybe it's impossible at 45 but it's always been strange to me not having it, so attempting.

Also decided to work on juggling 4 balls. I can handle working hard for 3 weeks (which Ericcson has made no mention of, just Archie Dan Smith did without reference but it's common sense! More or less...) So three weeks of just the right hand juggling two. Then 3 weeks of just the left hand juggling 2 and then perhaps put together.

Additionally working on left handed forehand 4 days a week for 3 weeks. It's not terrible. I mishit it often and can't hit it anywhere near as hard as my right. But I can see improvement pretty much every time. So I'm going to stick with it for 3 weeks. Anyway a two hand backhand is hurting my back and I really dislike the grip change for a one handed backhand on the return of serve. I am now really crushing the ball with a continental grip on my dominant hand one handed forehand. Really improved when I went to an open stance. It's like my wrist flexibility improved. Used to be so awkward to hit topspin with continental grip in an open stance. Now isn't.

And being highly repetitive with Beethoven's 7th on the piano. Just the same one page everyday until I really truly got it. No time spent fooling around with other stuff. Though it gets boring I just keep playing that one page and really consolidating it. Really learning to not look at my hands. Feel bad for my wife hearing it so much.

My friend Bekah was basically just dropped off at the ED while she was out of her mind so when I found out I jumped out of bed at 3AM to stay with her. I assumed her family or husband would come back that morning. Nobody came back to 4pm. And by that point she been wrestling with security and restrained. I couldn't even get a hold of her family. They never answered my messages. So I ended up having to sign the paperwork and having to testify in court in order for her to get admitted (since she had been combative). And now, she isn't speaking to me. I don't know why. She told my wife though she isn't mad at me anymore, just needs some time. Still wants to go camping next weekend with us.

So... I don't know. She is speaking to the people who just abandoned her. But not me. Story of my life. But oh well. Not too upset now. Just waiting for her to speak to me to find out what she was even angry at me for. As I really don't know. She was totally out of her mind in the ED. I don't like that her whole family just doesn't speak to people when they are angry about something.

Something from Skinny Puppy's Remission. I imagined a version of myself that was like undead. Skeletal. And then I picture a place. That is dark. Something like an afterlife. Or purgatory. Some place after death. Soul Cairn from Skyrim has that murky darkness. Mostly empty. I had forgotten the sound. Similar to a thing I imagined. Like on the edge of something like a massive waterfall. Not necessarily water. A torrent like something. A combination of this background torrent and a desolation.

But it's eternal. Perhaps. And that is good. And it's a meaning beyond the absurdity of office job, food, etc.

But I wanted to write stories about it. And it's really not the basis for stories. I see some fan fiction about Soul Cairn though.