It seems I may have been forgetting to log the books I've since November! Or maybe haven't read much. Had been primarily doing music.

Read some slightly goofy novel about shipwrecked humams and alien snail like creatures. Intelligent but very slow moving. Eric Flint. Mother of Demons. I won't continue the series though it was ok really. Initial motivation to read was silly.

Finished the Solar Cycle. All the Long Sun and Short Sun. Of the whole cycle Urth was my favorite. Short Sun was better than Long, which was longwinded. The whole Silk vs Horn thing was drawn out so long and a bit silly.

Awake in the Nightland by John Wright was excellent. The setting is so captivating. The sense of mystery about the watchers. So dark. The Nightland by Stoddard was pretty good but Wright is a superior writer. I read another Wright novel then, Count to a Trillion. Didn't care for it. Won't finish the series. The romance felt so 1950 kitsch. And the math seemed very much like showing off that didn't really add substance. Checked out Wright's website. Some interesting thoughts but ultimately a massive blowhard who is caught up in the politics bullshit. A tool to be wound up and pointed at an enemy.

Partial reads of a ton of stuff. Matthew Hughes who is vancian and ok. Hasn't quite really caught me.

The Devil in the Forest by Gene Wolfe was very good. Not sure what to think of the surprise at the end.

Next up The City at the End of Time by Greg Bear.

It seems like I have a habit of quitting things right when I'm getting good at them. Not sure why. Perhaps self destructive. Perhaps set goals too high. Perhaps care more about figuring out the process. Most likely realize I'm not any happier when I'm good so i would then flit off in another direction. That's most likely. Lots of bouncing from one thing to another because of an underlying unhappiness that can't be solved by any hobby. At least I haven't bounced from one woman to the next.

Thinking of how i ran 20 miles at 11.5 min per mile pace a couple weekends in a row years back. I was capable of going faster. At the time i thought myself embarrassingly slow. I suppose it was slow. But started running again 3 weeks a go and how i wish i could run easy 11 min miles now. Now easy is 15. I think. But it's so hard to exactly pinpoint easy. I have run 82 miles in 3 weeks. Twice i pushed myself too hard. Felt scary weird afterward. Except for that i feel much better. My body was turning into something i wasn't enjoying being inside of. It's getting better but I need the patience that comes in part from being happy. Happy  people aren't constantly searching for that magical thing. I am happier now. Though still searching.

Learning 12 string guitar and going to scallop a cheap 6 string. Practicing everyday. While continuing piano. Have finished Chopin funersl march and basically gladiolus rag though couple pesky parts.

Happy Running by David and Megan Roche.
Run a ton easy. Throw in some strides. Get a dog? Don't be so hard on yourself you typical neurotic runner. Have fun.

Between Light and Shadow by Marc Aramini. An in depth analysis of Gene Wolfe's writing. Wolfe is now my favorite writer I guess. I love the short stories in particular. I want to write just like him. More or less. And that's ok. And that's a breakthrough. I'll be reading this a long time.

I gave up on the John Gwynne series. Too stupid. I'm done with that kind of vapid fantasy.

Wrote about 20,000 words in a bit less than two months for two stories. Half will need deleted. And the going is a bit slow because I'm just not sure what I'm really doing. Feel like it's too dark. And also going through the motions somewhat. And probably too worried about middle ages authenticity.
Thinking about starting another story where I really try to make it even less dark. Though I feel like it has less and less to do with me as I make it less dark. I feel the life I have experienced has made it almost impossible to write.

Have been reading Book of the Long Sun by Wolfe. Ian Mortimer's 14th century england. Murakami Men without Women. And Morrison's Song of Solomon. The last being the stand out. So good it made me wonder what the heck I was really writing myself. Murakami was very depressing. Long Sun is good. I think gods and magic really need to go together.

Read On Writing by S King. Really liked it. Straight and to the point. Mostly. Useful.

Read Daily Rituals: How Artists Work by Mason Currey. Interesting. Has caused me to start getting up before work to write for at least an hour. Getting up at 5:30 or 6 to write for an hour is OK and doable for me now. Though once a week I will have to get up at 4:45. As I do anaerobic exercise I want to sleep in more. Except for some tennis I will avoid anaerobic exercise.

Reread first 17% of Lyonesse by Vance. In some ways he's very impressive and unique but in other ways it's really not good story telling. Little dialogue. Just kind of meandering along. Almost like a history summary.

Reread first 6% of Bleak House by Dickens. For some reason I really want to be able to say I read this. He's such a highly thought out writer. But good lord this is terrible. Trying to at least make it to 10%. I seem to not be able to stand to continue around 5 or percent. So far what has happened....? There's some lawsuit that has gone on a long time and some orphan girl who is really nice and has lived a bit here and there. Not treated terribly but not super well. Not much for so many words.

Read some short stories from a Shadows of the New Sun: Stories in Honor of Gene Wolfe. Highly forgettable.

41% of Wind and the Willows by Kenneth Grahame. Surely Tolkien was greatly influenced by this? ...Yes. He was. And it's enjoyable in the same sense that the Shire was. 

The Land Across by Gene Wolfe.
Guy goes to some dictatorial slavic country to write a travel book and gets his passport taken away from him and forced to live with a couple as a "prisoner". Every woman in the book is decent looking and sleeps with him, which is a sort of fantasy fiction. Too much intrigue to bother trying to follow. Really not possible to follow actually. Was interesting enough to keep my attention but not a great writing by any means. Not his best book. So much of what Wolfe writes is a bit overly whimsical. Like there are no rules to world. Things just randomly wander off in directions at a moments notice.

But at least it had a plot. Borges just goes on a bit longwinded without a plot at all. Here and there Wolfe has written some excellent stuff.

Read the Sorcerer's House, The Fifth Head of Cereberus and Peace by Gene Wolfe. Looks like I'm working through all his books. Not sure I entirely approve of how he conceals things from the reader through his unreliable narrators. But I do love a lot that he does.

Peace I guess starts with the guy dying. Though you don't realize it. The rest is him as a ghost. I guess he killed this woman that he really liked. I think she pulled a gun on him concerning a non-existent treasure. And he ended up killing her. Except there really was a treasure I guess. Though that's far far from clear.

Fifth Head is very dark. Maddening how a few clues are thrown in. I guess the alien takes over his body. But I'm think the alien doesn't even know he has done so? Anyway they perhaps realize this? Or do they still think the aliens have gone extinct? I don't know.

Sorcerer's House was relatively light hearted by comparison. I'm not sure if Emlyn and (Yinyan) are a different set of twins of George and Bax when younger...???? No. Maybe an alternate reality. May have to look that one up.

Recently won 6-1, 6-0 against a professor of literature. 6-2, 6-2 against some wealthy retired guy. 6-0, 6-0 against environmental engineer. (also lost 7-5, 6-4) And then today I played a former division one player and won 7-5, 7-6 (7-0). Little things here and there did not do well. Could have won a lot more convincing. Was up 4-1 in second set and lost 4 games in a row. Forgot to start ball toss slowly and gradually gain speed. Had probably ten aborted ball tosses. For large stretches I was lucky to just get it in with some pace. Ball pass was too erratic to really move it to both corners. Started tossing behind me a bit thus losing pace, but was mindful not to do this and eventually corrected. Missed a lot of volleys. And took a while to get used to returning his slice. Was letting the ball get too close to me for a while. Match lasted over two hours and we were lucky to be able to finish it.

But all in all, really played unusually well. Wonder if how low he kept the ball maybe helped me as opposed to Cooke throwing in the occasional moon ball. But maybe that little aerobic back and forth drill really works. Legs felt strong throughout and was moving very smoothly throughout. Almost never missed a return of serve.

He is a librarian and thinks football is evil. That it may in part be a cause of the violence in America. Super nice. Of course he lives up in Pittsburgh and was just visiting his parents.

Winning while playing well against a former division one player who was super nice and intelligent put me in a good mood.

Heal Your Headache by Dr. David Buchholz. Ton more foods I'm removing from my diet. Which sucks but I would really like to never again have a headache. And I've been having a lot with the change in weather. Interesting book in saying that a lot of the weird stuff that goes undiagnosed or wrongly diagnosed could actually be migraine. (With my neurology vocation anyway it's interesting and I wish all the neurologists were familiar with his ideas. But they aren't. And I'm very cautious about pushing my thoughts.)

Had liquid nitrogen sprayed on my head other day. Yay. Actinic Keratosis as I suspected. Lady made me feel like I had nothing to worry about though.

Started rereading Demon Princes by Vance and really I was right. Although in some ways it may be more ambitious than Tschai, it just isn't as good. Think I'll look at something else.

Rereading Gene Wolfe's torturer new sun thing. As before, it really starts a bit slow. Almost started the Wizard Knight, but I recall that got really nutty after a while, not in a good way. But then... so much he has written is really really good. Such that I shouldn't be dismissive. But, some of my music sucks. Some of his short stories really suck.

Gene Wolfe's Claw of the Conciliator and Sword and Citadel, etc. First person and stays with one guy who is a stoic but things are a bit "psychedilic(sp)". Wolfe bothers me at times in his weirdness. This story just goes on and on. Severian is maybe a bit too stoic. Somehow worked better when Vance did it. This just seems wooden, even when Wolfe is saying he's in terror, etc, it always comes across a bit removed.

I have very little I care to say.... There is something about all the women that I think ultimately is how men generally really are about all the women of their lives. Never seen it put in a story.

A big negative is that there isn't much pushing things along. Severian isn't looking for revenge or justice. He's mostly just wandering. Taking the Claw to the Pelerines, running away where he refused to torture or kill someone. Then what the heck? Might as well join the army. It's a tad bit aimless.

But at times it's beautiful. The world, where there actually is a very high level of technology. But most, including Severian, live in such ignorance.

Very dreamy sequences. Just a bit too unattached. You know Severian is going to be fine. Unlike GoT of course... But somehow unlike Fitz Chivalry, who although you figure he'll live, you really don't know that he'll be OK. But Severian is such a stoic, one thinks he could spend a decade being tortured and it wouldn't really matter to him. And this detracts somehow, unlike with Vance. Perhaps if this stoic wasn't mostly wandering aimlessly.

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly by Jean-Dominique Bauby
Do all french people write like Proust? He makes it sound not so bad, being locked in. Great. Not what I would write about in that situation.

The Emperor's Soul by Brandon Sanderson
I guess this was OK. Keeps your interest throughout. A page turner I guess. No lasting impression though.

The Wizard book two of the Knight by Gene Wolfe
32% and having a hard time I guess following what's going on. The goings on at Utgard aren't making much sense to me. What exactly Sir Able is doing at the pass in the mountains makes no sense. Hela, the half Angrborn giant makes no sense. What Setr/Garseq is up to makes no sense. What the Aelf Firemaidens are up to makes no sense. Lady Idnn was suddenly at the mountain pass and then back in Utgard, huh? Like it's just random dream nonsense, on and on. Why Thiazi wouldn't suspect the humans in the assasination attempt. How Svon went from useless and bad to good so suddenly.

Unreliable narrators. That's Wolfe's thing. But it's seeming like everyone is so "unreliable" that the whole thing is just random chaos. Like they're all blindfolded and randomly running into walls and each other. I did like the first book though, so I'm trying to persevere.

Far be it for me to expect any of you to ever break free.
Far be it for me to expect any of you to rise above.
Far be it for me to ever expect any damm worthwhile thing from any of you.

I shall live and die without experiencing any exceptions. It used to amaze me. Now I understand the true horror of it a bit better. Was it better to be perpetually amazed? No, no, no. It is at least a breaking free. Just here and there I still try to actually live, just a little, unfortunately.

Really liking Gene Wolfe lately. Like the dreaminess. If it's something ugly. Better to be asleep. And so may I tolerate what remains of this "life" in a somewhat asleep state.

Was going to see some cellists play Metallica today with S and literally 15 minutes before I was leaving my dad made me take him to the ED instead. (He's fine.) Somehow this triggered some mysticism in me. To be exact the old belief in an evil god who's got it in for me. And I dunno. Something more. Just an avanlanche of disgust with this world. Something that wasn't a big deal suddenly became a big deal and I dunno. Feel like it caused me to take a step back and really look in horror at things that I'm trying so hard to just ignore. This world is so horrifically wrong, wrong, wrong. So hard to stand the wrongness of it. So hard to just stay myopic and try to enjoy the little things sometimes.

Right now I kind of want to scream and break things. Not something that's happened in a long time.

Feel awful today. Don't know if I pushed myself too hard on yesterday's run or it's that Tdap shot.

Anyway, currently reading The Knight by Gene Wolfe
At times I haven't liked the feel of his stories. They are dreamy and seem a bit random, like dreams often do. Really enjoying this one though. Guess I'm in a dreamy mood.

Also audio version of City of Dragons by Robin Hobb. I don't know. Feels a bit unusually childish. Not much adversity. The british lady doing the reading sounds kind of ridiculous doing the male voices also.

Eh. Too tired.