Autobiography of Tony Iommi followed by auto of Ozzy Osbourne. The second because I was curious about a different POV for the same events. And indeed. Tony leaves out things like spending some time in prison. Ozzy in general is way more forthcoming. Tells a lot of negative things about himself. Beating his wives. Constantly cheating. Extreme cruelty to animals.

I got into Tony's first because he just seemed interesting in interviews. But not terribly so actually. But hearing about both's childhoods in England was interesting. Best part for both is before they were famous.

Same with previous autobiography of Joe Jackson. A much more intelligent guy who made music that really wasn't as good. Interesting childhood in england though. And Steppin Out and a few other really good songs. Interesting thought about Eye music and how classical music took a wrong turn. But now pop music certainly has also.

Really liked The Urth of the New Sun. Think it should have been part of Book of the New Sun but Wolfe wanted it separate I guess. First part takes place on a spaceship. Then he is "judged". It's really quite strange and works just right. Saving the world type books are so hard to end well.

The Art of Playing the Pianoforte by Cary Czerny. On a Czerny kick. His nocturnes are underrated. Learning op 599. Sightreading it with metronome. Read this and partially many others. Also lots of articles online. Developed my own technique practice. Scales and arps done many ways followed by trilling exercise. Then sightreading with metronome. No less than an hour. Closer to 2 on weekends.

Revisting Perelandra. For ideas for my friends sparse story about Samael, Lilith and Adam. The world is just so empty. How to make other than a very short story? Looking at the conversations between Ransom and the Green Lady.

Playing better tennis I think. Whoopee. Hitting one hand heavy topspin forehands (western) with a closed stance and starting to feel confident it's going to go in. Beat that 6'8" guy who made the finals of the Fitzwater 6-3, 6-1. Bending knees on my serve now somewhat (not perfectly consistently, depends on ball toss) thanks to climbing machine that I really like.

I can say now with certainty that chocolate has played a huge role in my creativity. I say this with some shame. I hate to think my creativity depends on such a thing. But, I didn't touch the stuff for years because of headaches issues and my creativity pretty much disappeared. I have tentatively brought it back. Just a bit here and there (while avoiding all other headache triggers) and my mind is just running off on all kinds of flights of fancy. Like it once did. Though I'll never eat it as much as I once did. Too much creativity may be dangerous.

So I read Planet Narnia followed by all but the last half of the last battle. It didn't ultimately make me a writer. Maybe I should take up smoking? Now reading Assassin's Fate by Robin Hobb. It's quite good. Looks like it's going to tie everything up. Bringing a lot of stuff together. Hasn't made me cry though.

So I think the weighted back pack made my sternum separate a bit. Slight discomfort when yawning. Lots of cracking, etc when rolling over in the recliner. Sent a message to surgeon about getting an x-ray. It's tolerable I guess but pretty sure it hasn't completely healed. Hope it gets better than this. Though I never notice it with running or tennis.

I broke that kinetic racquet. Reflexively through when getting very frustrated with unforced errors when play Jay (winning ugly) C. He kept hitting a high bouncing junk ball to my backhand. Previously I handled it fine but in the tournament I kept hitting unforced errors on it (so of course he just kept hitting the same junk.) I eventually figured it out but by then I had lost the first set 6-2. And broke my racquet. Not a premeditated throw. Hate it when I see pro's purposely break their racquet.

Occurred to me to keep my arm straight and then maybe I can hit a one hand forehand without injury. Have been doing that for a couple weeks and haven't had arm issues. For the heck of it I also switched to a very light oversized racquet. Hammer system thing. Weighs a little less than 11 ounces. Until I add a grip which means it's very headlight anyway. Plenty of power with it. Hitting too many unforced errors with one hand forehand so far. But liking it for now. And hitting ROS two handed. Also really practicing one hand backhand. Secret is to not use wrist. Hope to eventually really use it in matches. With the exception of the two hand forehand slice, one handed feels better. At least when hitting topspin.

Oh what else. Getting pretty bored talking about tennis. Rereading Chron of Narnia. I do believe Planet Narnia is true but I don't think it's a really big deal. Lewis was a good author. I loved these books as a kid. Of course someone could write the same today (and assuming they weren't already a well known, prolific writer and cambridge professor) and they probably wouldn't get published.

I still vaguely think of writing.

Started playing MTG with Bekah and her fiance. Since perhaps September of 2016. Finally put together a good standard deck. White mono for standard. Won 5 out of 9 in local tournament and really should have won 6 out of 9 at least in terms of how good the deck was. And of course I put it together entirely on my own, didn't look it up online.

So whatever to that, kind of silly. But you know, such is life. Think I could have really loved it when I was about 12. I will continue to play it. Though I suspect I'll eventually get a tad bored. And I can't imagine ever playing Modern. Far, far, far more cerebral than other card games. Possibly too cerebral. Too time consuming. If you're not just copying a deck.

And then it just feels too random and I stop writing. The inconsistency is not an issue. Just the aimlessness.

Reread Islington's book The Shadow of what was lost. Throughout I remembered what was going to happen just shortly before it happened. A decent book. Again Malshash losing it is what sticks out the most. Already can't remember the main character's name. Torr and..... he's just a forgettable guy. Sort of like Harry Potter with less adversity even. Just forgettable. Caeden is better in that he has lost his memory and memory is interesting to me.

Book 2 comes out in a few months.

Now reading Planet Narnia where Michael Ward talks about how Lewis thought you had to be enjoying it on a subconscious level. That there had to be stuff going on that you didn't realize was going on. Stuff that Lewis didn't tell anyone was going on. Unconscious, Enjoyment, Contemplation.
Astrology/Astronomy back in the middle ages. 7 stars that moved around while all the others stayed in the same place. In a time without light pollution when every saw the Milky Way. How I wish there were laws against light pollution. 12 hours a day there it was. So brilliant. Everyone thought it mattered. Had an effect. The Beautiful Heavens. Now mostly just ignored. Barely visible anyway. And science has taken all the magic out of it.

And that anyway it wasn't the random hodgepodge that critics claimed it was. It was very much not random. And that interests me very much at the moment. I always discard. Never come close to finishing anything.

Played Jay C very close. With a 11.3 ounce racquet and trying to hit a Nadal forehand he beat me 6-2, 6-0. Despite me serving pretty well. Slower pace but first serve percentage like 60% at least. With the Precision Equipe I did beat the owner 6-1, 6-3. I think Jay C has been improving though. I then played Hannah H, the girl who should have gone pro. Really think she could have been top ten. But injury. Anyway previously with the oversized dunlop we split sets, this time with much lighter racquet she crushed me 6-1, 6-0, 5-0. Worried she won't play me again... :( Switched back to oversized Dunlop and played Jay C 6-7, 4-2. Also switched to double continental grip. Repeatedly I've had success with double continental. So going to stick with it though it feels awkward on forehand. But it works. Lots of slices. Some drop shots.

And then used that weird "loose ball bearing" racquet. Can't remember name at moment. 1# problem with it is that I could only find one. Well others cost $259. Used it with John McEnroe serve style and it was the best I've ever served. Kicking it out to the right, slicing it to the left. Nice power. Decent number of aces. The slice out wide on deuce court especially effective. And for once getting it up the middle decently. But it's lighter than the Dunlop and not quite as good on groundstrokes. So.. shall see. May add some weight to it. Or take some away on Dunlop and see if that helps my serve. It's just too heavy to handle well on the serve, though great for two handed shots.

33 days out and don't feel so cranky. Except my paper got rejected and I'm not up to the revisions within the deadline as I'm not going to be at work for a few more weeks I guess. Finally doesn't hurt to breathe hardly at all but I can't quite yawn yet.

Son had tubes put in his ears today. It's because my wife couldn't produce breast milk and we thought it best to do cow milk till 2. Eventually I plan to get rid of milk as it's terrible for you.

I recently also read The Dark Tower, Till We Have Faces and The Great Divorce all by CS Lewis. Till We Have Faces was excellent and I wondered how I couldn't have known of it. Turns out Lewis also thought it was his best but it was never popular. A big theme in it was jealousy. The Great Divorce has a lot about people finding ways to refuse to admit they're wrong. Holding on to erroneous thoughts. I'm not a christian but I have always liked his writing. The Dark Tower starts out great with the Stinging Man but I thought took a wrong turn in making one of the people from their reality into one. I see why he didn't finish it.

And I read two books....The Nethergrim and The Skeleth by Matthew Jobin. Not terrible. Not quite as childish as the covers looked. Not quite. Think I need to take a break from that sort of thing though.

Now that I've been off almost 5 weeks, I feel about ready to start writing. Maybe my x-ray tomorrow will show my sternum not healing correctly. I'll leave that as just a vague hope. Starting to feel good enough that I kind of am enjoying being at home. Need to write about things that actually matter to me and do it in a selfish matter. Write something that will increase my own version of 'spirituality". And make real characters. That's always been my problem. Distinct characters.

B. loves Lewis and I borrowed those books from her. Like her so much better than her sister actually. Her sister was a mess though I surely would have put up with her till I died if she hadn't cut J and I from her life. I guess people a lot of people would think B is a mess also. I think very highly of her.  Wish I could find her a man that would appreciate her. She is 37. Hate to think she will never have children. She would like too.

Also spent quite a bit of time the last few days messing around with synth1. Drum presets and trying to locate some other really good presets. Making the sounds may be better but you really just need some main truly good presets as your starting point. At first very very happy with the drum sounds. Thought it better than what I'd ever done before as I've always neglected drums. I've really lost it musically though. I stopped improvising. In part because something went wrong with my midi. Just programming the notes probably doesn't work as well. But... I still have the esq1 on analog and I haven't improvised anything special there. I did spend a couple days really trying to make sounds with it and ultimately wasn't super impressed.... But I know it can sound good with many tracks....

Was thinking it's like the artist who starts out wanting to express something that is in him and eventually he just becomes preoccupied with the process and doesn't really have anything left to express. I don't hear the music off in the distance as I fall asleep anymore. Original songs don't play in my dreams anymore. There's nothing anymore I want to use music to explain to the world.

C.S. Lewis' Narnia books. He was trying to "prepare" children for becoming christians. Did he do the oppositve? By putting the feelings he wanted children to have for god into the realm of fantasy, did he make it impossible for them to feel the same thing concerning something they thought was real?

A way to deal with anxiety: take your real world stress and pretend it's something happening in a fantasy book.