Went back to the soul cairn in Skyrim. This comes the closest to that place I have seen in my mind for so many years. I have the music playing in the background. Replaying Skyrim for it. Almost didn't find it.

My friend, Bekah, is going to be admitted to the hospital for some kin of mania. It happened 8 years ago before I knew her. I was hoping if it ever looked like it might happen again, I could help and stop it. But I have hardly seen her since she started feeling bad. Just her husband, who is very nice but I think not terribly bright. And with her parents tonight driving back from Georgia, where S just moved. S who was my close friend for so many years and now hasn't spoken to me in over 3 years. No particular reason ever given. I was very very worried about her going down there. But then Bekah said she was better. And hasn't seemed to want any advice.

I don't think this is how it should work. But I think this is what they want. I suspect they are wrong.

My tennis is its best ever. Except that I can't take the heat. 92 today and couldn't make it 3 sets of doubles lol. Could play 5 sets of singles (against most people) if it was 20 degrees cooler. Gasquet forehand. Federer backhand. Laver serve. Trying to get back into endurance running. Hoping it will help me stand the heat. People 20 years older can handle it better. Yes, I had open chest heart surgery. But surely I can make it back. Decided to run despite the agony looming over me. (Kidney stone that was pushed back up into my kidney where it has sat for 4 years so far.)

Driving home from tennis started cramping. First the muscle on the underside of my jaw. Then I sneezed and my abdominals. At home cramps in my back. Feet. And I was hydrated. I guess I could have done more though. The cramping as I drive down the highway is a bit dangerous. Totally devoid of energy the rest of the day. But not ready to give up tennis in the summer. Only in my 40's.

Dune and partial Dune Messiah by Herbert. Really enjoyed. Always loved the Lynch movie. Book follows very closely. I can understand what a let down book 2 was, but that's exactly as expected. It's simply realistic which is what fantasy usually isn't. But Herbert had a realism to him.

Tried Thomas Covenant by Donaldson again. Gave up when he committed rape. Somehow I forgot that from before. Perhaps was seriously skimming previously. Before gave up because he was such a whiny bastard.

Warbreaker by Sanderson. I liked it and .... what was it even about again...???? Oh yes. Gods. Breaths. Enjoyed but find it not even worth describing now. A few people come back after death. They can then do one miracle which will kill them. In the meantime they will die if they don't take someone's breath each week. Other people can take breaths and have special powers they can use without dying. Yeah just too complicated like most magic systems by Sanderson. Needs to stay more mysterious.

30% into Sapiens by Yuval Harari. Going on about how we were better off as hunter gatherers. Meh. Otherwise enjoyable.

Have been reading David Foster Wallace. I used to turn my nose up at writers that commit suicide. But some of these people are hooked on medications and when they get out of whack they do unfortunate things. But being hooked on the medications doesn't mean they are without wisdom. Anyway liked that he's intelligent and talks about tennis. So I read some of his essays. Don't know that I will read Infinite Jest. Ultimately I didn't discover anything special. Just tennis musings combined with a bit of a brain which was nice.

3 5/4's plus a 4 minutes at 9 mph(6.6min/mile) on 2% incline. Definitely could have done another minute... The pain is different for 5's. More relevant. Simply withstanding the pain is the limiting factor. And worrying I'll get so sloppy I'll fall off the treadmill. Really think these long intervals (with long rests) is what will finally get me setting some PB's. Have found I can do them every other day (all out) without wearing out. One minute intervals and less caused my knee to start bothering me. 2, 3, 4 don't hit certain parts of the body well enough. Not aerobic enough. Too long will wear the body out. Maybe I could do longer than 5 though... But 5 is really really hard and certainly feels like it's working. Haven't tried a time trial yet though.

Almost finished with Words of Radiance. Really liking it. Negatives are I guess slightly soap operaish and sometimes the dialogue gets kind of stupid. But has a lot that is good. Lots of ethics. Think I noticed a plot hole once or twice, but as long and as convoluted as it is, I don't mind.

Once finished I will try yet again to write. But must start with characters. That comes first. Not whatever the hell it is that haunts me.

Hobb named the royalty "Chivalry", "Verity", "Shrewd", "Regal", and the characters could be best described exactly with their names. Think I'll try that. "Duty" and so on.

Again I wrote zero words. But I'm spending a lot more time playing cello/viola. And the beginning part of the week I was so dammed stressed, the idea of trying to write just seemed ridiculous. Finally thought of worrying about others instead of myself and the stress just disappeared. Maybe because I don't really have anyone else to worry about? Well what the hell it works. Wonder if it still will if I ever have someone else who really needs my worrying.

Reading Words of Radiance which is a really good book. Stormlight Archive seems so much better than his other works. Book one was one of the best I've read...

Did a 3.5 reps of a 4/4 at 6.5 min/miles on 2% incline. Shorter harder interval workouts leave me feeling better than longer slower ones.

My back definitely feels better when I really limit refined sugars. If I start eating something with refined sugar everyday. Like a piece of pie. My back starts bothering me more. I think.

Had a dream that I lost my job. I went and confronted my boss to ask why. She said they just hadn't made enough money. But then she made a pass at me. I didn't really reciprocate. Then she kind of acted like she was going to cry. Then she turned into a cat and hissed at me and waved her claws.

I do appreciate that in real life I virtually never see/interact with her, I guess. Don't think very highly of her. I assume she's just a bit stoopid, doing the best she can, but feels a bit intimidated?? Feel like she plays at being sophisticated or something. Comes across very weird and fake. And she has no clue what I do I think. Ultimately my job has been fine so whatever.

Bit stressy because I have some deadlines falling behind on. But they are the stuff I do only when everything else is finished. They aren't hard deadlines and I have a ton of other things. But if next week is very busy I may have to work on a lit review and abstract, etc at home I guess.

Three published papers so far and I guess there's the possibility of two more. For someone who only has a two year degree in the profession I work in and gets absolutely nothing out of publishing papers it's a bit strange.

Steelheart by Brandon Sanderson

They killed his father to begin with and then left you wondering just what was Steelheart's fatal flaw. And so, read and read to find out. Very light reading. I like the Way of Kings because it's so dark. But everything else by this guy is just too light and fluffy. And the banter in this book is just stupid. Can't imagine what is going on in Sanderson's head as he's writing it, how he could think it interesting or entertaining.

The one thing that kept it going... was finally revealed at the ending... Oh yes, he could only be hurt by someone who didn't fear him. Other than that, not much to say about this.

Wife is away for a week. Hope to write 5,000 words while she is gone. Got my 1000 today. Although at 1000, (which took an hour or so), I've had about enough.

After Steelheart I did a search for intellectual fantasy fiction. Really need something to counter that book. And did bookmark a page. And am reading something that seems pretty good (The Brief History of the Dead.)

Today with running. I'm going so fast I finally really do need a warmup. I just can't immediately go at 6:30 pace. Anyway did 9.1, 9.2, 9.2 and 9.3mph (6.4min/mile) pace for 3 minutes each at 2.2% incline. Then 10 and 10.1 mph for 1 minute each. All with 4 minutes of rest between. This is my new thing. Much longer rests, so that I can run much faster. Also doing a bit of leaping after a couple times a week because I want the legs back I once had. Want some of that bounce back in my step.

I think I could probably handle quite a bit more than 10.1 mph for 1 minute intervals. Will be interesting to see what I get up to. I really hope I don't break the treadmill.

The Scar by Sergey and Marina Dyachenko
Really liked this one. Had a moral thing to it. Main character is just a total ass at the beginning, then he is cursed and becomes too overwhelmed by fear to function at all. Then he becomes considerate and self sacrificing and finally the curse is lifted and he whips out a can of whoop ass.
The world wasn't the most creative. Did have a little something of a russian feel I guess but what exactly that was. Maybe placebo effect.

Now reading Steelheart by Brandon Sanderson. Cheesy and shallow but I like it. The banter between a couple of the Reckoners is especially stupid. Very YA. Was thinking my nephew might like it.

Was thinking that generally characters have to do something other than get along perfectly or immediately try to kill one another. There has to be some conflict that simmers.... But often conflicts seem stupid. Burrich being against the Wit. King Shrewd being so distant. The Fool withholding so much. And more than that, it tires me, the idea of creating imaginary conflicts between imaginary characters.

Have to get over it. Now.

----

Started doing longer rest periods in my interval runs. If resting 60 seconds is better than 15 seconds, why wouldn't 4 minutes be better than 2? Anyway immediately running much faster. My third run (three days in a row) did 3/4's x 5 at 6.6 min/mile pace on 2/2.2% incline.

Gene Wolfe's Claw of the Conciliator and Sword and Citadel, etc. First person and stays with one guy who is a stoic but things are a bit "psychedilic(sp)". Wolfe bothers me at times in his weirdness. This story just goes on and on. Severian is maybe a bit too stoic. Somehow worked better when Vance did it. This just seems wooden, even when Wolfe is saying he's in terror, etc, it always comes across a bit removed.

I have very little I care to say.... There is something about all the women that I think ultimately is how men generally really are about all the women of their lives. Never seen it put in a story.

A big negative is that there isn't much pushing things along. Severian isn't looking for revenge or justice. He's mostly just wandering. Taking the Claw to the Pelerines, running away where he refused to torture or kill someone. Then what the heck? Might as well join the army. It's a tad bit aimless.

But at times it's beautiful. The world, where there actually is a very high level of technology. But most, including Severian, live in such ignorance.

Very dreamy sequences. Just a bit too unattached. You know Severian is going to be fine. Unlike GoT of course... But somehow unlike Fitz Chivalry, who although you figure he'll live, you really don't know that he'll be OK. But Severian is such a stoic, one thinks he could spend a decade being tortured and it wouldn't really matter to him. And this detracts somehow, unlike with Vance. Perhaps if this stoic wasn't mostly wandering aimlessly.

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly by Jean-Dominique Bauby
Do all french people write like Proust? He makes it sound not so bad, being locked in. Great. Not what I would write about in that situation.

The Emperor's Soul by Brandon Sanderson
I guess this was OK. Keeps your interest throughout. A page turner I guess. No lasting impression though.

The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson
This is better than Mistborn. The magic system isn't explained so much. Some mystery is left.. The world has more detailed. And/or more is just left out to keep one's interesting. Mistborn was far too honest. This one has a hero who seems to have an ace. He just never dies. And he's being put through hell.

So hero with an ace, being put through hell in a richly detailed world full of mystery.

Very good book.

LeGuin's Left Hand of Darkness just doesn't impress me so much. Liked Dispossed soooo much better.. The idea of androgynous people, I think so much more could be done with that. No wonder the book did nothing for me when I read it so many years ago. The fact that people seem to consider this her best book, when I'm so unimpressed by it, is why i've never really gotten into her writing. But, I have really liked Dispossed and The Lathe of Heaven. So definitely will read more of her stuff.

MIstborn by Brandon Sanderson
Crude though the setting is, it is beyond the usual generic medieval setting. It is dystopian. And it does have heroes with special powers and the feeling of something vaguely positive looming and/or injustice that will be righted.

On the negative the characters have little depth. They have no nuance of feeling. They are a bit too stupid.

The level of detail in explaining the magic is tedious and goes against the whole point of magic in the first place, which is this symbol of the unknown. The level of detail concerning the magic edges over into being childish.

Finally the revolutionary plot also gets a bit tedious. The characters are a little too superficial for one to really care whether or not they're eventually successful in their revolution.

Yet it has it's moments. The characters aren't complete cardboard cutouts. There is some depth. Here and there. Just not enough. Maybe I can't completely explain. A lack of nuance in the characters. Everything too spelled out for the reader. Way too much explanation of the magic. Bad humor. I suppose too many unbelievable jumps to keep the plot moving. Insufficient detail in describing the setting and the people. Few meaningful insights. The main character isn't is too light. That which made him who he is, is never actually shown, just told.

There are many types of characters. But they all seemed to be slapped together stereotypes.

Some of these criticisms may not be totally fair...

Mistborn by Brandon Sanderson
Hooked in on page one and I shed a tear on page 59.

Dystopian escapist fantasy.

Dystopian - slavery, which is a crude dystopia but it is a dystopia. Does dystopia have any particular heart?

Inequality? A heirarchy?

In it's most crude and blunt terms it's 'slavery'. It seems something more sophisticated might be better but it does work.

Escapist Fantasy - allomancy - the hero with special (magical) powers, you know something good's going to happen. Sci-fi just doesn't work as well as the ace up the sleeve isn't as grand and... with this magic is there the suggestion of religion lurking back in the subconcious? The magic suggests something very positive is going to happen. It somehow does so more than one could can manage with sci-fi...