The worst part of the kidney stone issue (worse than the excruciating pain I think) is all the time spent laying around, too much time to think. I usually try to stay really busy in order to main a philosophical myopia, to avoid the big picture of existence, not to mention that even on a smaller scale my life is a sad thing. I have few friends (there are few people whom I could even have had as friends). Well whatever, I'm lonely, unfulfilled. It would be good to move, though of course, it probably wouldn't do any good. A lot of work, a huge fight with wife, and it probably wouldn't do any good. It's too late to turn it around. The time has past, there is a certain time in one's life to do certain things and I missed that time. And so, I'm stuck in a sense I guess and will never go forward. There's some dying to do. Will try to hold that off, I guess, for a while. Be tough, for what it matters. Keep myself distracted.

I have a bit more reason to dislike mondays in that I workout hard on the weekends and am physically down each monday. I'm additionally more down than usual I think because trying to avoid all oil (low fat, no refined sugar) has brought me down a bit. I accidentally listened to some new music on Rdio today. I put me very suddenly in a better mood. Haven't listened to any new music in so long. (Talking industrial music of course, not radio crap.) But also right before I got a cinnamon bagel with hummus and an orange scone from Panera. Such unhealthy gluttony may have slowly kicked in and brightened my mood also during the 40 minute drive home.

Was also really down about my writing. Switched up my idea about the red plain though now, and feeling somewhat better about it.

Now in a pretty good mood. Was relating The Scar plot to nephew. I certainly didn't used to be that good at telling a story. From trial and error of just shutting up and writing, maybe improving, slowly. But still have only written about 6,000 words so far. And of that basically 90% is probably garbage. Long way to go, but will keep trying.

Even right now.

Haven't listened to industrial stuff in a long time. Recently did listen to Christian Death, Theatre of Pain. Coincided with a level of unhappiness I haven't seen in quite a while. I think there's something to be said for avoiding miserable sounding music maybe.... Being told my job is going to change played a role I'm sure also.

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Thinking that no very good fantasy fiction book really has much magic in it. Main characters may have magic but can't do very much really. Keeps an edge of realism I guess. Seems to be better if there is just magic around the character.

Robin Hobb-Farseer/Fool. Fitz had the Skill and the Wit but the Skill really seemed to be more of a negative than a positive for him. Gave Regal's coterie a way to attack him. The Wit basically just meant he had a very very close friend who happened to be a wolf. Most of Fitz's real abilities were just the result of being trained as an assassin. He was good at sneaking around, poisoning. Surviving in the wilderness thanks to his wolf's help. He really didn't have much magic.

Hobb-Liveship/Dragon Realms. The people again had virtually no magic. The dragons were magic. The ships were a sort of magic.

GRR Martin Game of Thrones. Daenery's has her dragons. Otherwise no main character has any magic at all. Just a bit off in the distance here and there.

Titus Groan/Gormenghast-no magic.

Shardik-maybe something going on with that bear. But you never really know...

...Lev Grossman's series. They definitely have magical abilities but somehow they are none the better for it and far far from bad asses.

The Book of the New Sun-the claw seems to have had some abilities to heal, bring people back from the dead. Although I think there was a twist to that I've forgotten. But otherwise one was led to believe that all the fantastic stuff was actually advanced science. Anyway the protag only used the claw a few times. He didn't do anything amazing magical wise.

Prince of Thorns- protag was more just smart. Lots of magic in the world but not for him personally. Just a bad ass fighter.

Godborn: The Sundering. Protags have all kinds of magic and it's a lesser story.

Paul Hoffman: The last 4 things/left hand of god. Bad ass fighter but... I don't think there was actually any magic at all. And a pretty good story...

Heroes Die: protag has no magic, just incredible fighter. Lots of magic in the world though. Pretty good story.

Blood Song by Anthony Ryan: Protag is bad ass fighter. I think there is magic in this world. I think he has some and maybe doesn't realize it? Can't remember. But, it's hardly any magic...

The Emperor's Soul: protag has more magic. not as good.

Way of Kings: the protag is a bad ass fighter. Who happens to have a fairy that deflects arrows, etc from him. I don't think he even realizes it. He doesn't truly personally have magic. The magic in this world seems to otherwise just be these swords/suits of armor.

Laird Barron... the one with the fighter guy. Again, he's a bad ass fighter. And he heals abnormally fast. But that's it. Others have great magical powers. But not the protag.

A Wizard of Earthsea. Maybe an exception. Protag has lots of magical powers but it doesn't come across like a completely lesser pulpy dumb novel... Though Le Guin just doesn't do much for me despite agreeing with her politics (cept she's not far enough left wing.)

procrastination however which way

Dark Tower sucked but I think there was not magic. Main guy was just awesome with a gun and the book was good in that way. Unfortunately doesn't develop that. Insteaad turns it into modern day earth, etc.

The Night Angel. For the longest time he has no magical ability and it simply a great fighter. But then finally he gets an ka'kari but is mainly concerned with other entities that also possess powerful magic.

Drizzt. Little to none but his panther. Just a great fighter in a world that has magic.

Kraken by Mieville. Great book. Steam punk. Not really magic.... Curious to reread...

The Bloody Nine guy. Abercrombie? Just a great fighter. Was there magic? ...

So to sum, stories that have a low tech world and magic but where the hero has little to no actual magic and that are good stories: Hobb, GRR Martin, Peake, Shardik, Lev Grossman (because magic is so difficult....), Gene Wolfe, Prince of Thorns, Paul Hoffman, Anthony Ryan, Heroes Die, Way of Kings, The Sundering (Barron), Dark Tower, Night Angel, Drizzt, Bloody Nine. Could go on...

That's part of "the formula" basically.