Beat a bunch of people in tennis. The owner of the indoor courts 6-3, 6-4.. That high school kid while his dad filmed the match 6-2, 6-3. More I don't remember. Against the high school kid (#1 in region) I tried a new grip on both forehand and backhand for the first time ever. A double semi western. No grip switch. The backhand is very close to just being a left handed forehand. Really worked. I'm more facing the court/ball. Should be easier on my neck too on the two hand forehand. Also tried to remember to be like a baseball pitcher on the serve, not a centerfielder.

Read Ready Player One and Armada by Ernest Cline. The former is extreme nostalgia for the 80's. Primarily videogames. The latter is also heavy on the video games and was much better than the majority of the reviews suggested. The former was better though. Just OK though. Beyond the nostalgia, not a big deal.

Was ruminating really bad on Monday and Tuesday when coming back from having a week off. Don't even want to write about it.

Well, the one thing I should write about is trying to remember that how you look plays a huge and mostly unfair part in how you're treated. I'm not treated all that well it seems to me by most people. Instead of seeing it as proof that humankind is trash I should try to see it as just some absurd thing. People are controlled like machines practically by relatively meaningless random absurdities. And that is so so so much better a thing to think than the alternative.

Lost in the finals 6-4, 6-3. To my nemesis Mr. Cooke. He's beaten me like 6 times in a row. I must have hit about 15 double faults and finally near the end moved a bit away from an eastern forehand serve grip and finally won a service game. I double faulted at my ad in my previous service game. Lots of close games. I guess it was a promising. The forehand and backhand weren't the problem really. Bad serving mainly. And should have come in to the net a bit more. Really want this one back. Think I could have had him.

Was up 30 love in the last game. And then....... he sliced it to my forehand and came in and what the hell? Didn't prepare to hit a drive until too late and then weakly hit a crap shot out. Then went for a bit much on a backhand, hit it long. Then weirdly hit a forehand drive on a short ball that I had been successfully slicing the whole match and hit it like 5 feet long.

Stupid mental errors and double faults. I could see double bageling this guy. But he's far better than anyone else in the league. He does mix it up. High / low. Fast / slow. Moves it around. So it's a bit tricky. But really I handled that stuff pretty well. Should have came in more.

Just need to play him more often. And get more consistent on the serve. Simply getting the damn thing in could have been the difference.

Not to mention I called about three balls in that were out. Lost a game that way.

In other news think I have something precancerous. Unhappy about that. A bit annoyed with wife as it's on the back of my head where I can't see and she allayed my fears for quite a while. Finally I must face that it's not getting better. So yet another health issue despite a far healthier lifestyle than the average person.

I lost my toughness also I must say. Haven't been trying to be a tough person at all for a long time now. Maybe I should bring some toughness back. I guess the living has been good enough that I haven't needed it. Maybe I should envision myself as a tough person even though the living has been kind of good. Because all in all I've been kind of unhappy. Unhappy about no longer having parents and how S ended our friendship without ever even speaking to us.

About S though, clearly she has mental issues. I knew that from the start. And what she did was quite weird. Doesn't make sense. Makes at least a little sense if she was thinking of me in an inappropriate way. But then, she manages to do that with everyone eventually.

I tried to help her and I failed. I keep trying to fix broken people and I keep failing.