Roughly a month ago I ran 5 miles in 7:54. Then I spent two weeks doing intervals and did a 5 mile run in 7:44. Then about a week of hill intervals and I did 4 miles in 7:35. Then I did hill intervals for a bit less than a week and did 4 miles in 7:27. With doing the intervals up hill (7% incline), I can hopefully keep my knee decent while still running fast enough/with enough of a short burst of intensity to improve. So far, yes. Feels great. Definitely prefer working out this way at least aside from what actually works best. Obviously in the short term it works better.....

Lately trying to do 45 minutes, 5 or 6 days a week. Only going 6.5 mph or 6.6. Can go faster, but not day after day for 45 minutes.

Those first two weeks I was doing 3 minute intervals on roads. When I switched to hills on the treadmill I switched to 2 minute and 90 secs. It seems likely that the shorter intervals explains the faster improvement. While the hills are simply a necessity to hopefully avoid injury.

If I'm getting close to breaking 7 minute miles in a month or so, I'll be very happy.

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Kind of seems like I've been writing, although I still don't really know what it is I really most want to write. Wandering. But at least doing something. If only I knew what I wanted most to write, then I think I could really get down to it. I should perhaps just choose something, and put my head down and get to it. Something relatively unoriginal. Not something that is going to change people. What I've instead been waiting for, just isn't happening.

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Moved by Paul Hoffman's Left Hand of God. Like the idea of a torturous life for this kid. Living in a dark ages, religious extremism. What is funny is that the castle or fortress is really not described well. And just what the children spend their days doing, isn't all that well explained either. I guess learning to be amazing soldiers...? But it's very vague. Only explained far far after the fact. In fact only two other students have any real role, and I think maybe only one single other is ever even mentioned at all.

If it were me doing the writing, I'd find it way too pitiful vague, but I enjoyed reading it.

But no, I'd chuck it, if I were the one writing it.

I could see bothering to write Gormenghast. (Though strangely I never even read the third book, in part because of Peake's dying, but only in part......) Possibly Shardik. I think. And that's a hell of improvement from the past. I seem to recall that there was nothing at all I could say that of. Possibly I've changed. I am improving in my attitude of just doing things; doing them simply as opposed to doing nothing. I need to do better at applying this idea to story writing. As that is The Thing. The Thing that has eluded me. No matter it's possibly my too high standards that stand in the way.

I have been working on Bach's famous Prelude on the cello, but not practicing adequately lately. If I manage to really get into writing, it's going to be hard to manage all these others things.

Extending my garden so I can grow more blackberries. I've grown to like the taste more. And they're so very easy to take care of.

The Crystal Cave by Mary Stewart First person. Relatively realistic characters. Pretty richly detailed. An account of Merlin based somewhat closely on what is actually known from historical records, although admittedly not as accurate as possible. Accurate enough that it isn't as good of a story as it might otherwise be. But one of the better books I've read in a while. Curious what Mary Stewart can do if she's just entirely making it up. Now back to book three of Gormenghast. Lately with all the fantasy fiction I've read, I've been increasingly dissappointed and I find myself remembering this book though as having stuck with me much better. Definitely one of the best I read. Dislike that it's in third person. Couldn't bring myself to read the third book earlier because I know the author dies right in the beginning of the fourth as his hands literally lose the ability to write and his scrawl slowly becomes entirely illegible. So far in book three nothing has really happened. (Finds city and meets Muzzle....?) It's really just Peake's magnificent voice. That makes nothing much really happening still enjoyable to read as I lay on a swing on the porch in this nice weather with a glass of lambrusco.

Mageborn: The Blacksmith's Son by Michael Manning

They all just run together after a while. They really REALLY do.

His parents are killed when he's just a baby. He's basically the last wizard. His love interest is a tad stupid. The book is quite short. The bad guy doesn't last very long. Seemed cut too short. There is a book two, which I might never read. Lack of setting detail. Lack of character depth. But decent. Lack of injustice.

I felt emotion when Dorian is attacking the bad guy whom just almost killed the hero.

Comparing to Daniel Abraham, it's got less character depth and setting detail. But at least the hero has an ace up his sleeve. Not enough injustice in this book. Basically except for finding out his real parents were murdered shortly after he was born and he's actually a wizard, not much really happens here. The bad guy is quite thin and thrown in. Perhaps like Rothfuss book two might be better. But moving on to other books. Now reading The Etched City which has more setting detail than I've read in a very long time, and just simply big words. Hooray for big words. Supposedly the plot wanders aimlessly. But thinking back to Gormenghast, I'd consider that a good thing right now. In fact Etched City is compared to Gormenghast, though it doesn't seem quite at that level.

Gormenghast has really improved in my memory. Interesting how I've managed to completely forget some books I've recently read, yet I didn't evn bother to read the third book of Gormenghast, and still the first two books have stuck with me (and in a "positive" way) so well.

Read the first two books of Gormenghast but not planning on reading the third because there just isn't enough of a sense of an injustice that needs to be righted and/or some vague highly positive thing that looms off in the distance. Possibly in other words it could be said that Titus isn't enough of a hero. There's nothing it's clear he's going to fix. Maybe that's what he's supposed to be, actually. But it hasn't been made sufficiently clear for me...

Perhaps it could be said that the book is too "adult" for me. The right and wrong is too ambigious. The good guys and bad guys aren't quite clear enough for me...

At first I thought Gormenghast's mindless absurd adherence to tradition was part of an extreme dystopia and that Steerpike was hopefully going to do something about it. Turns out he just wanted to get to the top of such a society. So he's a "bad" guy. Although yet his upbringing is such that one could sympathize with him. So he wasn't an entirely 2D bad guy, which is good. Yet then again, he was quite close to 2D.

So then is Titus going to do something about this mindless adherence to tradition/ritual?

He's certainly not a fan of it. Perhaps he might. Yet, as he gets older, it seems more and more that this ritual is their form of religion. At the same time that I can't hardly see anything particularly harmful really in their traditions/rituals. Well OK here and there, yes. But nothing particularly glaring. It's more like does Titus want to help support their form of religion or not? And there isn't quite such a clear right or wrong answer to this question. So, again, no clear injustice that needs to be righted. And no sense at all of some vague, mysterious, wonderful thing looming off in the distance, like bringing dragons back into the world or at the very least some great happiness for the protagonist.

And finally, Peake has killed off almost everyone else, and has Titus leaving this massive castle, somewhat mysterious (in a vague wonderful way) castle.

So despite Peake's verbal wonders, and for that matter occasional beautiful insights, I find myself not so interested in continuing.

Is a clear sense of right and wrong childish? Or is it that assimilating into the adult world means finding a way to convince yourself that a lot of things that clearly are wrong actually aren't? Most childrens initial reaction to eating meat, is that this is something that is wrong. They then learn to believe it's perfectly fine. This then occurs over and over again as they slowly learn to adapt to, to believe in, all the social norms of our post-industrial society. And generally to the extent they do so successfully, they will be happy in their life.

Fiction writing is generally strongest either in plot, characters or setting. In general fiction it's most likely plot. In fantasy (which includes sci-fi) it's generally setting. And in "literature" it's usually characters.

These Gormenghast novels are really strongest in characters despite the massive castle and as such for being categorized as fantasy it's pretty unusual, ultimately though it's just miscategorized I think. Not that I like to go on about categories. But the insight about fantasy-setting, general fiction-plot, literature-characters is worth noting.

not going back and ever rereading a diary/journal seems to mostly make it a waste of time. And I knew I wouldn't do so because primarily I wouldn't be able to stand how stupid I had previously been. This is like in Kundera's The Joke he finds an old diary he wrote as a teenager and he's so horrified and disgusted by what he wrote, that he rips the diary to shreds.

Wrote that almost two years ago. Now it's no longer true as I have indeed went back and read almost two years worth of a diary/blog/whatever. At times it was painful but it was/is an extremely important exercise, if nothing else, from the perspective of wanting to be a writer. I go back now and perhaps more clearly see when I wrote well and when I really didn't! But this is largely a matter of forgetting. The goal back then wasn't remotely to write well. I was often writing badly as I just thought things out. I knew and didn't care. The important thing was figuring out some thoughts. Anyway I haven't forgotten what I was about so much that I want to rip my diary to shreds. But if I had waited a decade instead of a couple years perhaps I would have wanted to.

...
Gormenghast certainly has it's moment. I don't like quite how much detail is put forth into scenery describing in the manner which he employs. I prefer Jack Vance's method. But Peake's characters. Their detail in personality, mannerisms and even physical appearance completely destroys certainly anything by Vance (Vance characters though horribly unvaried and usually nondescript) and anyone else for that matter. They are caricatures to an extent yet still with a level of insight that perhaps outdoes George Eliot.

In other news, thank god I only work one night shift a week. Night shift is awful. Bad sleep one day a week is standable but day after day slowly destroys one's body. Furthermore trying to stay up late on my days off is so depressing. Having to still do it once a week is nice just in having a continual reminder in how much better I generally have things now.

Was thinking in so many ways I do have it really well these days. My work is so different from day to day. And seeing so many different people at work is such a good thing. And the actual work is generally so positive of course. And J and I's combined income is very good. This house is wonderful. It really makes a difference having money. In many ways life is very good for me and after what I've been through both by bad luck and my own moral choosing, I deserve to now go ahead and enjoy life a bit, somewhat.

I had started reading the Gormenghast Novels two years ago but 100 pages in threw up on the book thus threw it away. Finally bought it again and enjoying it. In particular the poetry, which points to a change in me as I've never enjoyed poetry. Wanted to and figured not enjoying it pointed to some lack within me. I really don't know quite why I am now. Possibly tied into placing something mystical and/or panglossianist into the very english language, but just not sure. Am sure that in the past I dismissed poetry in large part because I felt the collection of noises and so on which symbolized given concepts was highly random and thus attempting to stream them together in a pretty manner was highly meaningless.

As to Gormenghast I'm curious to see to what extent it might follow the monomyth. Hope it does. Hope Steerpike is a hero. Scarlett Thomas' book says Campbell's monomyth is a load of bunk, really just the story of imperialism. I don't think I agree but it's an interesting thought.

In other news had a headache for 5 days triggered I think by carpet cleaner. Last thursday it got so bad I broke down and took a lortab. Felt great then. Laid in bed and had much pillow talk, thought about how wonderful wife is, how she's added a golden sheen to my life. In retrospect more like she's been a rock, foundation upon which I've..... eh. Words escape me. But at the time golden sheen was the way it seemed and that works also.
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Now my right knee is hurting. I think pain killers are bad for the joints, although also may depend on the type of course. But in the future I'll just try to handle the pain, even though I was starting to get nauseous it was getting so bad. Maybe just drink a couple glasses of wine. I don't know. But I'm really enjoying my running. Really enjoying running faster and very very much do not want to lose the ability to run.
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Lately enjoying playing the most simplistic songs on the cello. Simply enjoying the pure tones. Also finally learning vibrato. At the same time a bit annoyed at the slowness of progress, very much 3 steps forward and two back it seems. Feel like I have to spin my wheels in the mud very fast just to hold even at times. Feel a pressure to keep improving as a result of taking lessons that somewhat reduces enjoyment yet I think taking lessons at the same time helps me feel for once not so isolated. I could probably improve just as much though using youtube and such. But again, good to break free of isolation.
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Took a training class at work where it was said that the actual words someone says only convey 10% of the meaning. The visual gives 70% and the sound of the voice gives 20%. Song 130 (Schopenhauer) reminds me of this. I think hearing my voice for a minute means more than hundreds of blog posts, at least one version of my voice anyway. What a pity the people I used to interact with online didn't understand this.

I've had a phobia about communicating with people online I haven't actually ever spoken to for over a year now. Looks to be permanent. A "correct phobia" I suppose. But it's somewhat beyond the rational. Not actually just about taking a moral stand against dystopia. Actually largely beyond my control.