Glass Houses
Freedom? from a bad situation? Night time. Now have magical powers. Running through the night. Where did I come from?
It's dark. Medieval.
Where did I leave?
Have I always been here?
Where do I want to go?
Is there injustice?
Is this just the presentation of magic?
Magic is in the air. All have come out to sing and dance.

The words and actual singing don't matter. But are kind of necessary all the same. Something must be there for them to play off.

You're doing something. Maybe it hardly matters what. But in doing whatever it is you're doing, you come to this place. A place where you must be careful. Where lots of creatures of magic are everywhere. You have to ...avoid them? You are running through the night. Running and running. Creatures occasionally pop out at you through the ...fog? You duck, you swerve. Do you kill them? You kill the skeletons that come for you.

Some things though you just outrun. Some you have to kill. When it's time to sleep, you find a place to hide. You hear them still all around. It's like you have to be quiet with your thoughts while sleeping. You explode out of your sleeping place outpacing the large creature that had settled down nearby. You run some more. You walk. Because you can't run forever. Or can you? You walk but ready to swing your sword at any moment. Ready to run at any moment. And often you have to. It's always night here.

Some of these Beksinski pictures come closest to the world I've imagined the last 20 years when hearing Skinny Puppy's Remission.

They would have had a presence there if they existed in this world. But they did not. And it's too late for the giraffe to evolve wings. Thus my dessicated corpse is free at last to walk the forever night.



In other news (well the above is actually really old news) I today ran 6 miles in 55:12 (3/1 intervals). Made sure to do a negative split but still really felt like shit. Haven't felt so great lately. Think attempting to elongate my stride made my back hurt just a little, but also lack energy in general. Diet hasn't been so good. Not eating enough green vegetables. And really ought to go back to being a perfect vegan. Which means 14 hour days with either junk or nothing at all to eat at work sometimes. (Always taking food with you is actually a real collosal(sp) pain in the ass.)

Got my first analog hardware synth today. Yesterday actually but was too tired to open it. Today will do that. Also get more garden soil for my enclosed raised bed garden. Also will plant broccoli, cucumbers, peas and ...? Some other things. Along with the beans and sunflowers and a few other things. With late start not putting much thought into it. Haven't been able to find morning glory seeds. Adding the sand between the walking stone cracks looks nice but isn't firm enough in places.

Thinking instead of a dragon statue in the middle, perhaps I'll build some wind powered instrument thing. Something with very low pitches. Like a wind chime perhaps. Aeolian harp probably wouldn't withstand the weather. And I want some sound even with low intensity wind. And definitely not 12 tone equal temperment.

I listened to this cd often while amongst a particularly bloodthirsty bunch of ..."academic" demons in Minneapolis. I remember I lived in someone's attic in isolation. College roommates who had nothing to do with one another. The owner of the house lived in the basement and took issue with my wife once coming to visit me from Los Alamos. Very strange. Those few days with her were the only thing worth remembering of the 8 months there. Otherwise it was dark and cold and I got to meet many, many demons. And I was worked endlessly and have less than nothing to show for it. Also I herniated a disc in my back and couldn't stand up straight about half the time. Took many years to truly heal from that. Actually the sprinting of a few days ago may have been a first in 5 years. Had to slowly carefully work my way back over the course of years.

It's nice to have pieces of music to bring back a time.

It's amazing the hell I was put through. I'm so far from that now.

Not that Minneapolis was really that bad. It was that on top of the previous 20 years, many of which were far worse.

So far from that now, but it's still the exact same world. And a large part of me will always be disconnected from the personal, instead tapped into the bigger picture. It's a deeply ingrained neural pathway not easily overcome. I forget it's something to overcome, mainly. The last instant, who cares about the big picture?

With myopia, now is heaven, after so, so many years of true hell.