And then it just feels too random and I stop writing. The inconsistency is not an issue. Just the aimlessness.

Reread Islington's book The Shadow of what was lost. Throughout I remembered what was going to happen just shortly before it happened. A decent book. Again Malshash losing it is what sticks out the most. Already can't remember the main character's name. Torr and..... he's just a forgettable guy. Sort of like Harry Potter with less adversity even. Just forgettable. Caeden is better in that he has lost his memory and memory is interesting to me.

Book 2 comes out in a few months.

Now reading Planet Narnia where Michael Ward talks about how Lewis thought you had to be enjoying it on a subconscious level. That there had to be stuff going on that you didn't realize was going on. Stuff that Lewis didn't tell anyone was going on. Unconscious, Enjoyment, Contemplation.
Astrology/Astronomy back in the middle ages. 7 stars that moved around while all the others stayed in the same place. In a time without light pollution when every saw the Milky Way. How I wish there were laws against light pollution. 12 hours a day there it was. So brilliant. Everyone thought it mattered. Had an effect. The Beautiful Heavens. Now mostly just ignored. Barely visible anyway. And science has taken all the magic out of it.

And that anyway it wasn't the random hodgepodge that critics claimed it was. It was very much not random. And that interests me very much at the moment. I always discard. Never come close to finishing anything.

Played Jay C very close. With a 11.3 ounce racquet and trying to hit a Nadal forehand he beat me 6-2, 6-0. Despite me serving pretty well. Slower pace but first serve percentage like 60% at least. With the Precision Equipe I did beat the owner 6-1, 6-3. I think Jay C has been improving though. I then played Hannah H, the girl who should have gone pro. Really think she could have been top ten. But injury. Anyway previously with the oversized dunlop we split sets, this time with much lighter racquet she crushed me 6-1, 6-0, 5-0. Worried she won't play me again... :( Switched back to oversized Dunlop and played Jay C 6-7, 4-2. Also switched to double continental grip. Repeatedly I've had success with double continental. So going to stick with it though it feels awkward on forehand. But it works. Lots of slices. Some drop shots.

And then used that weird "loose ball bearing" racquet. Can't remember name at moment. 1# problem with it is that I could only find one. Well others cost $259. Used it with John McEnroe serve style and it was the best I've ever served. Kicking it out to the right, slicing it to the left. Nice power. Decent number of aces. The slice out wide on deuce court especially effective. And for once getting it up the middle decently. But it's lighter than the Dunlop and not quite as good on groundstrokes. So.. shall see. May add some weight to it. Or take some away on Dunlop and see if that helps my serve. It's just too heavy to handle well on the serve, though great for two handed shots.

I beat the westview owner 6-1,6-3. I used a Prince  Precision.28 inch. Only about 11.2 ounces. Had been using a 13 ounce racquet so it was super light. Exclusively hit a one handed forehand today for the first time in a couple years. Western grip. Played really well. My serve was actually much better which was surprising. Thought a heavy racquet especially helped the serve. But also I was trying to get my back to the court and really turn into the serve. Hitting decent topspin on two handed backhand also, semiwestern grip (equivalent). Best I've served in a long time.

Really have missed having a heavy topspin one handed forehand. My arm feels great. So far.

Also best my agility has been in a long time. Twice a week or so I jump as high as I can and then run for about a minute and repeat for 20 or so minutes. Have done this maybe 5 times now. Yesterday I went to a basketball court and did this and barely managed to touch the rim. Which is pitiful, I guess. Though I am 44 now. But feeling good. May manage to improve. A few more decent years perhaps. It feels good to have more muscle in my legs and be able to move fast and all that. It gives me happiness. Couch potatoes just don't get that. It's about feeling good. Not looking good. Well, mostly.

Read Hardcourt Confidential by Patrick McEnroe. Not very much technical tennis info in it. A bit about court surfaces. And a few other odds and ends about string tension, etc. Went on way too much about Davis Cup. Kind of boring. But I read it kind of ravenously.

Also rereading Islington as I completely forgot the book. That's the main point of this diary. To keep track of what I read. Now that I'm reading it I somewhat remember things but only right before they happen. My previous summary did not ring a bell at all. Hard to explain. The wizards in this world are treated like shit. Can't use magic to defend themselves at all or harm others. Have devices put on them also that stop them from using magic most of the time. Also sensors can tell if they use magic and it's somewhat of a wizard holocaust.... The hero is an Augur. He can (mostly) tell when people lie. All of his kind except him were killed.

Once again mom, sister and stepfather manage to start some drama at the holidays. And this is the last time. I'm done. I do not want to ever see any of them again. I told this to my mom. Haven't actually told my stepfather yet. It's been absolute hell dealing with these people for the last 40 years. They don't give a shit about me, who I actually am. It's impossible to reason with either. I should have never had anything to do with them again once I left at 17. But I bent over backwards and put in 23 more years of hell.

No more.

Next will come the manipulative behavior. They will accuse me of literally killing my mother by not continuing to put up with her shit. As opposed to her being in bad health because she eats nothing by chocolate eclairs, massive drugs, etc most days. Her not getting to see her grandchild will be the end of the world. I will be portrayed as a demon. I will be slandered, etc.

What incredible hell they have been to me. Anyone else and I simply would have had nothing to do with them so long ago. They disgust me. They sicken me. Their lack of consideration for others. Their lack of a moral compass. Their rightwing unquestioning obedience mindset. Good lord, I can't stand it. I can't believe I put up with it all these years. Such good manipulators though.

In other news finished The Shadow of What was Lost by James Islington. The fact one of the main heroes lost his memory and isn't even sure what side he's really supposed to be on is a little annoying. Things are just too uncertain. Some mystery is good but this one goes a bit too far. There were some good scenes. Malshash going crazy was good. The injustice the Gifted face could have been explored more. I'm not looking to see if the follow up has been written yet.