Before the internet there was still TV and the concept of the world stage still existed in my mind. But I don't recall back then ever thinking about the people that I assumed must exist; that very small percentage of special people. I don't recall ever thinking of them but I may have. At some point though, after many years online, searching, I realized a horrible thing, that they were not out there.

On some level, though I don't recall thinking about them, I had previously assumed they were surely there. Then, finally, it one day occurred to me that they don't exist, they don't exist at all.

This, I think, was what primarily caused something of a breakdown for me. For this was the realization that there was no hope at all for this world, for my race was extinct. In desperation I reached out online in an increasingly abnormal manner. Desperately reached, desperately searched for any last remaining vestiges of the people that must surely exist.

But if they were out there I would surely have found them. Of this there is no doubt whatsoever.

At some point though I realized at least, that this perfect lack of hope took a huge responsibility off my shoulders. The end result was much more happiness, potentially a much longer lifespan and much more pointlessness.