70% into The City at the End of Time by Greg Bear. Reading it because of similarities to John Wright's Nightfall. But it's terrible compared to Wright. The laws of time and nature are broken and stuff just randomly happens and it just makes it seem like Deus ex machina overdrive. Lacking the mystery and scariness of Nightfall. Also jumps around way too much. I hate the jumping around in general. It's remarkable how bad this is compared to Wright. Also has a weird YA feel to it. Reminds me of the last Clive Barker pinhead book, where they're in hell and quipping jokes, wandering around like on a hike at a national park. It just so completely misses the mark.

In other news my wife texted my mom asking if she could look for my missing dulcimer case. And mentioned I'm having to repair the damage that my brother in law did. Said nicely, just fyi.

She of course responded with drama. She claims it had to be my nephew. And tells my sister that I said it was damaged who responds that I'm a nasty person and nephew can't keep his musical equipment at my house.

It's unusual I guess just how much I dislike my mother. I will not care at all when she leaves this world. It makes me sick that I'm so closely related to her. I hope her personality and intellect doesn't pop up in any descendants. I find it funny that she chose a pathological liar amongst other things over her son. But then as little as I think of her she might as well.

For the 4th OSC (136) I came in 27 out 40. Ambivalent about it. I was trying a new genre. It felt a bit wonky. Should have scrapped it early. Not good enough at realizing something isn't "cool" enough. Then I got too attached. It's almost good. But just off. For 137 I have something I think is better though not terribly original so far.

It seems I may have been forgetting to log the books I've since November! Or maybe haven't read much. Had been primarily doing music.

Read some slightly goofy novel about shipwrecked humams and alien snail like creatures. Intelligent but very slow moving. Eric Flint. Mother of Demons. I won't continue the series though it was ok really. Initial motivation to read was silly.

Finished the Solar Cycle. All the Long Sun and Short Sun. Of the whole cycle Urth was my favorite. Short Sun was better than Long, which was longwinded. The whole Silk vs Horn thing was drawn out so long and a bit silly.

Awake in the Nightland by John Wright was excellent. The setting is so captivating. The sense of mystery about the watchers. So dark. The Nightland by Stoddard was pretty good but Wright is a superior writer. I read another Wright novel then, Count to a Trillion. Didn't care for it. Won't finish the series. The romance felt so 1950 kitsch. And the math seemed very much like showing off that didn't really add substance. Checked out Wright's website. Some interesting thoughts but ultimately a massive blowhard who is caught up in the politics bullshit. A tool to be wound up and pointed at an enemy.

Partial reads of a ton of stuff. Matthew Hughes who is vancian and ok. Hasn't quite really caught me.

The Devil in the Forest by Gene Wolfe was very good. Not sure what to think of the surprise at the end.

Next up The City at the End of Time by Greg Bear.

10.18.19
B2p no1 2:55
Memorized no13 1st page HS

11.1.19
Ok so in less than 20 days I have b2part 1,4 and 13 decently well memorized. Just need to gain speed. Not sure how long that will take. Trying to play them at least 3 times each every day. Which takes 30 minutes now.
Bach air on g is half memorized. Frustratingly slow. Can't break it down or chunk it up. Really want to get on to field nocturne 1 which appears far easier.
Haven't been sight reading. No time. I should make time. Ought to sight read field nocturne 1 even though i already memorized the first page HS.

Reading The Long War series by AJ Smith. The Lovecraftian monsters are nice. I like Randall and the Gorlan mother. It's ok.

If I didn't previously mention it Lilith by Geirge Macdonald is good. Need to finish it. Ought to be a tv show or something. It's up there with Lewis. Surprised i never hear much about Macdonald.

And Senlin series by Josiah Bancroft is good. Vaguely steampunkish. Nice main character. Nice characters in general. Awaiting book 4.

Autobiography of Tony Iommi followed by auto of Ozzy Osbourne. The second because I was curious about a different POV for the same events. And indeed. Tony leaves out things like spending some time in prison. Ozzy in general is way more forthcoming. Tells a lot of negative things about himself. Beating his wives. Constantly cheating. Extreme cruelty to animals.

I got into Tony's first because he just seemed interesting in interviews. But not terribly so actually. But hearing about both's childhoods in England was interesting. Best part for both is before they were famous.

Same with previous autobiography of Joe Jackson. A much more intelligent guy who made music that really wasn't as good. Interesting childhood in england though. And Steppin Out and a few other really good songs. Interesting thought about Eye music and how classical music took a wrong turn. But now pop music certainly has also.

Really liked The Urth of the New Sun. Think it should have been part of Book of the New Sun but Wolfe wanted it separate I guess. First part takes place on a spaceship. Then he is "judged". It's really quite strange and works just right. Saving the world type books are so hard to end well.

The Art of Playing the Pianoforte by Cary Czerny. On a Czerny kick. His nocturnes are underrated. Learning op 599. Sightreading it with metronome. Read this and partially many others. Also lots of articles online. Developed my own technique practice. Scales and arps done many ways followed by trilling exercise. Then sightreading with metronome. No less than an hour. Closer to 2 on weekends.

Revisting Perelandra. For ideas for my friends sparse story about Samael, Lilith and Adam. The world is just so empty. How to make other than a very short story? Looking at the conversations between Ransom and the Green Lady.

It seems like I have a habit of quitting things right when I'm getting good at them. Not sure why. Perhaps self destructive. Perhaps set goals too high. Perhaps care more about figuring out the process. Most likely realize I'm not any happier when I'm good so i would then flit off in another direction. That's most likely. Lots of bouncing from one thing to another because of an underlying unhappiness that can't be solved by any hobby. At least I haven't bounced from one woman to the next.

Thinking of how i ran 20 miles at 11.5 min per mile pace a couple weekends in a row years back. I was capable of going faster. At the time i thought myself embarrassingly slow. I suppose it was slow. But started running again 3 weeks a go and how i wish i could run easy 11 min miles now. Now easy is 15. I think. But it's so hard to exactly pinpoint easy. I have run 82 miles in 3 weeks. Twice i pushed myself too hard. Felt scary weird afterward. Except for that i feel much better. My body was turning into something i wasn't enjoying being inside of. It's getting better but I need the patience that comes in part from being happy. Happy  people aren't constantly searching for that magical thing. I am happier now. Though still searching.

Learning 12 string guitar and going to scallop a cheap 6 string. Practicing everyday. While continuing piano. Have finished Chopin funersl march and basically gladiolus rag though couple pesky parts.

Happy Running by David and Megan Roche.
Run a ton easy. Throw in some strides. Get a dog? Don't be so hard on yourself you typical neurotic runner. Have fun.

Between Light and Shadow by Marc Aramini. An in depth analysis of Gene Wolfe's writing. Wolfe is now my favorite writer I guess. I love the short stories in particular. I want to write just like him. More or less. And that's ok. And that's a breakthrough. I'll be reading this a long time.

I gave up on the John Gwynne series. Too stupid. I'm done with that kind of vapid fantasy.

Finished Brent Weeks Lightbringer series except for the last book which isn't out. Was strangely unhappy during it. Kind of neglected my other hobbies during it. Wondered though if it was just too much injustice. But it could be something else. Spend time writing letters I won't send to people I knew decades ago. Gave up my sexual abstinence after a month or so because I think it was getting me in a bad mood. Have a theory it turns the "must improve" part of a man while neglecting the "maintain/stay alive to rear my children" part. I really had this feeling of dying of a heart attack. Perhaps there's something to that. What few studies there are suggest people who have sex more often live longer but the science isn't that great. Being around a few more decades matters more to me. I don't really feel like there's anything too terribly important to otherwise accomplish. That I have any chance of accomplishing.

Anyway, Weeks' series is about Kip Guile and Gavin/Daven Guile. They both have very special magical powers and suffer great injustice. Gavin/Daven lost his powers, or at least he lost yellow, blue, green, subred, etc. Everything except black which he refuses to use. Preferring to be blinded. Preferring to die. Young Kip is a budding great magician who has never been properly trained but at 15/16 is already amazing. Their father is a terrible man. Color wights are also a bad thing, I guess. And some special order. Or who knows. Maybe the Chromeria is really the bad guy.

Now reading some book. Except son has my phone and I can't remember name... The Curse of Chalion by Lois Bujold. Great detail. Lupe Castelar is a sort of teacher/chaperone to a noble young lady and her friend. He escaped from being a galley slave. Just a tinsy bit of magic. I would like a tad bit more. But just when one gives up hope finally there is some related to Death magic.

Finally bought expensive racquets Wilson Clash. 2 for 480. Doesn't seem to be anything special about the Clash Tour. Though I was a little hasty in not even demoing that one. But online reviews suggest the two are practically the same. I'm liking the Clash though. Also really trying to hit a straight arm forehand with australian grip and even hitting a backhand drive with same grip. Went to "league" night at the posh club and played well enough.

I need to lose weight. I need to stop eating sweets every single day. Donut/s for breakfast. Cookies/brownies sometimes during the day. A pie on the weekend. lol. Straight up addiction like any other addiction. Over the years gradually it happened. Helped by being able to gorge myself when younger every single day while staying skinny for years. Now I'm 240 and don't lift weights. 6'4" and still athletic. Still. How silly to worry about this. No time to go run for 2 plus hours.

Close to finished with Gladiolus. Taken my sweet time. Enjoying it but feel like eventually, learn it or give it up... Wife doesn't complain I guess.

Been playing heavily modded morrowind for a couple of weeks now. Best game ever. More or less.
This has resulted in not much piano playing. Been playing tennis like Ken Rosewall except 9 inches and close to 100 pounds bigger, so still a bit of power. Reading The Banished Craft by E D Bell book 3 now. About a world where dragons and humans have been split apart. Pro-vegan book. First I've ever really read.
Got back into running for a couple of weeks or so now. Just doing 4/2s at 8 minute miles so far. Just twice a week. Juggling I can do 6 or 7 three ball patterns and I can do 4 ball sync fountain for like 5 to 10 seconds.
Second child is due in 3 weeks. I continue to get no support at work. First child seems to be a strange combination of very smart and... really not, just like someone else I know.

Health is good. Sleeping well. Have been mostly avoiding gluten and feel better for it.

It occurs to me that I have to have uncommon friends. By that I seem to mean that they must be a bit nuts. Otherwise things just don't make sense. Perhaps, simply with friends as with lovers, we seek that which feels familiar.

"Lovers" is really not a word I use.

And so my friends are kooky. And this can be a problem, just about always. But well what, make friends with someone that's "normal"? Meh.

So then, so it goes.

And read The Boy From Tomorrow by Camille Deangelis. About two children who can communicate across 100 years. Brought a tear to my eye. Reminded me of my idea, not just a story idea, but something in the real world I desperately wanted, someone to just talk to far away as I lived hell. I of course could not find that in the real world. I found just more hell.

..also loving this Castlevania show on netflix. Which is unusual for me. Never watch TV shows. This is so dark. Destroying mankind. Evil religion. Good stuff.

Trying to learn Nyman's Teh Heart Asks for Pleasure First. It's a bit different and just strangely ...counter-intuitive and so it took 4 days to get the first 2 pages. But pushing yourself at such things is good. Feel like I'm a better player for it. Today did the first two lines of page 3 which are just very strange to me. They just don't follow much of any seemingly musical pattern. Took like at least two hours. Maybe 3, to slowly play (and memorize) those two lines. The first line took the vast majority of that time. Just very weird and I can't imagine something any harder to memorize excluding random non-music junk. Feel like I've broken my brain now. And my body for that matter but I think I'm just not feeling great today.

I really could have just spent another week on Pathetique 2nd movement. And I'm sure I will have forgotten it a bit when I come back to it. (I'm too exhausted to play more now). But it's a given that you memorize something, then forget it and rememorize and each time it should stick a bit stronger.

So I need to "brush up"/rememorize that and a few others. Almost finished (memorizing) 2nd page of beethovens 7th 2nd movement also. That's the one I love how it sounds. Nymans I barely like. But if I can mostly finish it in a week or so that's not too terrible to stand.

Fundamentals of Piano Practice by Chuan Chang
Good book that I'm 30% into. Probably best book I've found. Talks about 5 kinds of music related memory. Says I don't need to do a bunch of Hanon and scales and Czerny. Good.

Teh Verdant Passage: Prism Pendant by Troy Denning
First in a series. Light d and d reading. I like this stuff. I need to write it. My friend wants me to be our d and d dungeon master. So reading up. Enjoyable.

Great Pianist on Piano Playing by James Francis Cooke
Very old book that I'm 36%. Interesting to hear about how this stuff was 100 years ago. Piano is somewhat timeless. I like the idea of playing music that has been around a centuries.

Playing the Piano for Pleasure by Charles Cooke
33%. emphasizes building a repertoire. OK.

Ton of mostly piano related book samples.

So it was approximately Sep 9th that I decided I would work really hard for three weeks at left handed forehand, piano, perfect pitch and juggling four balls. I was motivated by Archie Dan Smith's book where he talks about a supposed 3 week rule and also the importance of avoiding interference. Since then I've read a lot of books about how best to practice. And no one else is talking about interference or any 3 week rule. In fact the best book goes on quite a bit about interleaving which is pretty much the opposite, where you purposely change things up. So I halfway along I stopped doing it like Smith advocated.

For the left handed forehand: Again I stopped worrying about interference and played tennis. Additionally as much of a novice as I am at this shot I don't have to do it a ton to improve. But I am being patient and continuing to work on this shot. Not giving it up. The main issue is not hitting it hard enough. But for low balls I'm getting close. For high balls I'm close to terrible. But two days ago I played a match against a good pusher (GM) and split sets and then won the tiebreak 10-2. I hit left handed forehand about 80% of the time instead of a backhand. Though because he's a pusher I was mostly hitting my right handed forehand once I got past the return of serve. (He does have a good first serve).

Juggling: Only practiced a little each day. Just my right hand with 2 for two plus weeks. When I started doing the left hand with 2 I found that the right hand is now a bit better than the left. So I have improved. But just a little bit. I just haven't put adequate time into this. It's just a matter of making sure the toss goes up in the right direction. Not terribly interesting.

Perfect pitch: I decided knowing the intervals is just more important. I quickly was able to discern 2nd minor, 2nd major (chopstick), perfect fifth (vaguely asian), and octave and seventh and major third. But just 3rd major and minor I'm terrible at. And I can see the same issue is there with perfect 4th and perfect 5th. And  the solution seems to be just playing a bunch of 3rds, etc on the piano. But when I sit down at the piano right now I want to focus on actually practicing the piano so putting this on hold.

Piano: Definitely have improved. Though I can see getting fatigued with trying to play everyday. I want to try to more or less continue that. I want to perfect the following repertoire:

Moonlight Sonata (can easily sight read but falter here or there on the memorization)

Rach's Prelude in C sharp minor (used to know and with just an hour of practice almost have it totally back except the very ending)

2nd movement of Beethoven's 7th symphony (the proprioception is difficult. The big jumps on the second page. Getting frustrated with how often I still hit the wrong note. Have only memorized the first page and a half because I'm really working on the proprioception.)

Dark Eyes Richard Benda (I have been able to play the first page or so for many years but trying to play without looking at hands is very difficult. Going to take a long time to manage that I'm sure.)

Scarlatti sonata in F major 118 (Haven't begun it yet. Wanted something baroque not by Bach that will help me with my technique and really like how this sounds.)

Pathetique Sonata 2nd movement by Beethoven (Can play first page so far).

Big thing is I'm learning proprioception whereas I used to just memorize and look at hands. Goal now is to play all this by memory without looking at hands. It's much more enjoyable when you don't look at hands, etc. Once I get the proprioception pretty well I expect I will speed up. I can hardly expect it to take just 3 weeks.

Make it Stick by Peter Brown
70% in. This is about the best way to learn/practice. Best book on the subject. Most important concepts are interleaving and retrieval (self quizzing). Don't mass practice, instead interleave. Jump from thing to thing. This gets it past the short term memory and into the long term. Don't just endlessly loop a passage for an hour on the piano. Loop a passage for a bit. Then another and so on. And then circle back around. Let it leave the short term memory and then... retrieve it. Bring it back using your memory. Every time you bring it back that way on your own it becomes stronger. People consistently have the illusion that mass practice works better. But for long term improvement interleaving works far better. In tennis hit a serve against a backboard followed immediately by two grounds strokes. Catch the ball and repeat. You have to be able to recall the different shots to mind quickly.

First Learn to Practice by Tom Heany
Useful book about music practice, had some additional ideas that combined with Make it Stick I have a basic piano practice routine. Something important is don't spend too much time just playing pieces from beginning to end. Common sense stuff. But very useful. Made notes elsewhere.

Elric and the Sleeping Sorceress by Michael Moorcock
A good blueprint for successfully writing something damnit. Go retrieve such and such magical artifact and use it to defeat some nemesis. Simple short stories in fantasy fiction setting. Got to find the time.

Thank god my friend Bekah seems to finally be better. Had a very typical manic episode it seems. Lasted the average amount of time. Financially ruined but no ruined relationships and she's not physically hurt. I must say though that seeing this and knowing that her brother is in his 30's and still lives at home really brings home that there is something seriously wrong with the other sister. Has helped me deal with the vicious thing she's doing though I hate to make it sound like there is anything positive to gain from the ordeal Bekah has suffered.

So my friend has now been admitted three times. The second was 23 days. This third time she refused to go to that place or the best place. A third place wouldn't take her for a reason that sounds more like they just wan't to get rid of her because she's incredibly difficult. She has now ended up someplace 3.5 hours away. I'm getting afraid she's not going to get better. She isn't just confused. She's like a different person. Very angry. You can't disagree with her. You can't even ask questions. I'm afraid she's going to end up divorced and homeless. And not really much I can do.

On to books.
Did I mention Empire of Silence? By Christopher Ruocchio. Soft science fiction in first person like they are very much telling a story. Vague Dune similarities. Prince but he gives it up rather than be forced to become something he abhors. Homeless for a while then works his way up through as a gladiator. Very much like Brent Weeks Night Angel in that regard. Now using his communication skills to communicate with the alien menace. And thus ends book one. Pretty good.

Did I mention the Vorrh by Brian Catling? I stopped 70%. May return. Someone said it was like Gene Wolfe. It's got some mystery going on and is pretty inventive. More impressive than Empire of Silence but not much of a page turner. No real heroes anywhere in sight. May finish someday. What's it really about? A weird guy with just one eye in the middle of his face who's fantastic in bed. Weird stuff going on in a forest. I don't hardly know what it's about.

6% into the On the Historicity of Jesus by Richard Carrier. Because of biological father who wants to convert me to Southern Baptist. Father is not a terribly intelligent man. Nor mother. Perhaps I'm much less so than I think. But still good lord, where did I come from? This book is depressing in that the evidence for his actual existence is terrible which confirms that people are stupid. Well it's depressing because I'd like to stay on good terms with my dumb father and I suspect sooner or later not being a christian will be an issue. Anyway I already knew the evidence for his actual existence was terrible. Wish I could be a christian but I can't just clap my hands and believe in things for which there is no evidence no matter that I wish I could. Or do I?

The Magician's Apprentice by Raymond Feist. It's like the prototype of the modern fantasy fiction story. But far less dark than what usually sells nowadays. A bit like TH White's The Once and Future King. But it's enjoyable. Very much so. 50% and will finish eventually.

12 Rules For Life by Jordan Peterson. A bestseller. I read the first rule about keeping your head up. He rambles on a bit much. Well way too much. Had a great beginning and a seemingly nice idea but kind of false advertising. Unlikely I will get around to finishing.

Muscle Memory and Imagery: Better Tennis by Archie Dan Smith.
This is a weird little book that cited some other good books and articles. Says really work hard at something for 3 weeks and you will more or less have permanently improved. This is certainly somewhat true. A year later I can still juggle three balls as good as ever after having worked at that for.... a month? Lots of things I like the idea of being good at. His talk of consolidation I think is important. Changing the way I practice the piano now. (much more repetitive). Disagree with his thoughts on interference. The paper he references is talking about a finger tapping sequence for only 6 minutes a day. Only partially applicable to other activities.

The Talent Code by Daniel Coyne. Meh. This guy's writing style is very annoying. Long winded and tries to pad it by adding stuff that isn't interesting at all. But occasionally something worthwhile. 57% in. Important subject.

Talent is Overrate by Geoff Colvin. Worse than Coyne. Thinks business people are something more than just lucky. Just started and may not get far but the subject is important to me.

House of Cards by Robyn Dawes. Reading because of my friend. Like Robert Whitaker pointing out American psychology is an absolute mess. Just started. Depressing. Not sure what to do for my friend. Ultimately her husband decides and he's not a reader, though a nice guy.

Peak: Secrets from the New Science of Expertise by Anders Ericcson. This is far far better than the previous related books. 37% in. This fellow is the real deal in the degree to which he has spent his life analyzing experts. Muscians, etc. Though his deliberate practice rules aren't that great.
1. Get a really good teacher (incidentally points out studies proving business people just got lucky)
2. Push yourself to do things you can't currently do
3. Have well defined short term goals
4. Think hard about what you're doing
5. Recognize your mistakes, the adjustments you need to make
6. Improve your mental representations
7. Constantly modify and improve upon existing skills

Not a great list of rules. Anyway only 37% in and has a lot that is good though. Read about developing perfect pitch in children. As a result I've bought an app called Toned Ear. Maybe it's impossible at 45 but it's always been strange to me not having it, so attempting.

Also decided to work on juggling 4 balls. I can handle working hard for 3 weeks (which Ericcson has made no mention of, just Archie Dan Smith did without reference but it's common sense! More or less...) So three weeks of just the right hand juggling two. Then 3 weeks of just the left hand juggling 2 and then perhaps put together.

Additionally working on left handed forehand 4 days a week for 3 weeks. It's not terrible. I mishit it often and can't hit it anywhere near as hard as my right. But I can see improvement pretty much every time. So I'm going to stick with it for 3 weeks. Anyway a two hand backhand is hurting my back and I really dislike the grip change for a one handed backhand on the return of serve. I am now really crushing the ball with a continental grip on my dominant hand one handed forehand. Really improved when I went to an open stance. It's like my wrist flexibility improved. Used to be so awkward to hit topspin with continental grip in an open stance. Now isn't.

And being highly repetitive with Beethoven's 7th on the piano. Just the same one page everyday until I really truly got it. No time spent fooling around with other stuff. Though it gets boring I just keep playing that one page and really consolidating it. Really learning to not look at my hands. Feel bad for my wife hearing it so much.

As to Zelazny's Amber I am pretty sure part of my like of it was that I had an audiobook version read by Zelazny. Just one of the books in the middle. The way he read it made it so damn cool. But I have now read the first 5 or 6 books and become disillusioned. Somehow it didn't keep its "promises".

Just read the Anubis Gate by Tim Powers and thought it extremely good. Don't know how I didn't know of him. Going to read more by him. Time travel and a very detailed early 19th century England with plenty more, Byron and Coleridge and Egyptian gods and gypsies. Really good.

Started Beloved. The characters are so damn good compared to fantasy fiction. But I've seen the movie a couple times and it seems to follow very closely...

I wrote while I wasn't being athletic because of my broken toe and basically stopped once it was better and I was back to tennis a few times a week. Why? Not laziness. Just so disillusioned with my stories. They aren't very good. Feel like I need to start over but I haven't somehow started.

Also I finally got a piano again after 15 years. Just about memorized moonlight sonata so far which I had previously only been able to sight read. But memorizing is so much more enjoyable. And some other things. First page of Bach's famous toccata and fugue. Fur Elise. I really missed it. Could just happily play and play with no time left for other things. The internet changes things. I can tune it myself now thanks to amazon and youtube. I can easily find good free sheet music and immediately hear a recording of anything. Would have made things very different back in 1988.

But starting to feel unhappy that I'm not writing. Wondering if I should try to salvage what I was working on. Or just totally go back to the drawing board while trying things a bit different. Thinking to make the lead more heroic, more "Gary Stu". Avoiding any mentions of ever having been a child. And writing more linear with a bit less outlining. Ending up with a ton of junk that needed extreme editing actually really lost my interest, finally.

I haven't written anything in the last week. I was away to Seattle for "work". I did read Thomas Disch, The Genociders, which is about how earth is turned into a one crop garden while other life is exterminated. Tad bit depressing. And Frank Herbert's The Heaven Makers which wasn't as depressing as the MC was very intelligent and sort of prevailed. About how immortal aliens are behind the scenes controlling our behaviors in order to make movies.

And now 1/3 into Zelazny's ten volume Amber. Which I had read a part of before. There is something about it I liked before. It has a certain feel. But also I listened to a part of an audio version where Zelazny was reading it and it really made it better. I vaguely recall being in New Mexico at the time. But maybe I wasn't. I don't know. Something though about it like while at the same time something about it don't such that I hadn't already read the whole thing despite being a voracious reader of fantasy for many decades. Too much intrigue /mystery where the motives seem largely pointless. (To rule Amber). And I ask myself, would I be happy to have written this? And the answer is no. But over and over such is the case. All the best writing I find myself thinking this. I wouldn't have bothered and that's probably why I haven't bothered. And I think perhaps it's a sort of nihilism about life. So much of the stuff of life I can't get into. And so I don't write.

But Song of Solomon. That was a book that I would have been pretty happy to write. I can't at the moment think of anything else really. Some short stories. Death of Dr. Island. Chun the Unavoidable. But that's different.

So I have to think more about this. Read more Morrison. More magical realism.

I don't know perhaps I would have pretty happy to write most of the first two Fitz trilogies.

Played really good tennis today. Using only an australian grip. Including hitting a lot of non-dominant hand forehands. Two hours of doubles. The worst player was a retired lady who used to play pro. Played Goolagong. And I hit a non-dominant one hand forehand. And two hand backhand. A one hand backhand slice. A one hand backhand drive. And hit it all OK. The left hand forehand needs work. Hit with the former pro exclusively left handed for 20 minutes afterward.

In Seattle there was a grand piano that I played a lot. Synthesizers are just not the same. I am going to buy a piano. Haven't had one in more than a decade. Want to get back to being able to have prelude in c sharp minor by Rach memorized and others. I miss memorizing music. Weirdly I wasn't good at that with the cello. But as it's almost always just one note at a time, it's so much easier to sight read. But memorized music is so much more enjoyable and I'm sorry but the piano is more enjoyable.

Read On Writing by S King. Really liked it. Straight and to the point. Mostly. Useful.

Read Daily Rituals: How Artists Work by Mason Currey. Interesting. Has caused me to start getting up before work to write for at least an hour. Getting up at 5:30 or 6 to write for an hour is OK and doable for me now. Though once a week I will have to get up at 4:45. As I do anaerobic exercise I want to sleep in more. Except for some tennis I will avoid anaerobic exercise.

Reread first 17% of Lyonesse by Vance. In some ways he's very impressive and unique but in other ways it's really not good story telling. Little dialogue. Just kind of meandering along. Almost like a history summary.

Reread first 6% of Bleak House by Dickens. For some reason I really want to be able to say I read this. He's such a highly thought out writer. But good lord this is terrible. Trying to at least make it to 10%. I seem to not be able to stand to continue around 5 or percent. So far what has happened....? There's some lawsuit that has gone on a long time and some orphan girl who is really nice and has lived a bit here and there. Not treated terribly but not super well. Not much for so many words.

Read some short stories from a Shadows of the New Sun: Stories in Honor of Gene Wolfe. Highly forgettable.

41% of Wind and the Willows by Kenneth Grahame. Surely Tolkien was greatly influenced by this? ...Yes. He was. And it's enjoyable in the same sense that the Shire was. 

Read The Cursed by Dave Duncan which was OK. Felt like should have been a series but I guess the war that is just beginning lasts 20 years and wars can be pretty boring. Was surprising how suddenly he wrapped it up, yet was able to do so adequately. I guess Tibal Frainith being a ....something scath and being to see the future and saying what is going to happen really helps. Gwin wasn't terribly interesting. Bulion Thorn and his family were nice but nothing stupendous. I enjoyed but it ended and seems to have just dissolved away somehow. All the problems felt somewhat easily overcome. Though Bulion dies. Polion becomes one of the faceless. Spent a lot of my 5 days off reading this. Now it's over. And so is my time off.

First book of Dust. By Pullman. Plot is a bit contrived. Malcolm and Alice are endlessly chased by guy who knows about Rusakov field. That he is a great scientist and yet so evil somehow didn't seem realistic. Alice was great though. Malcolm was good. This was a book about people interacting and it was pretty good. In an Iliad sort of way. Books should be about interacting. I'm mistaken in trying to write about the red plain. All the things that haunt my mind aren't really proper material for a story.

So there's a flood that goes on forever. Rusakov with his hyena chases them forever. Alice reminded me of S. The way the daemons in the previous book wouldn't be seen for a month as a punishment also reminded me of S. It's been years and she still keeps popping into my mind. ....too much. Whenever I wake up in the middle of the night it seems like somehow she pops into my mind. Oh well.

Then Jesus the Good Man, Christ the Scoundrel. Halfway through. Don't know if I will finish. Got the idea. Organization and Miracles are bad and so on. I agree.

Read Pullman's Dark Materials.
May have read it before but there was really something wrong with me back then. Still is probably. But much less so. Some day I will reach that point! If I don't die first.

Liked this a lot. Don't usually care for heroines and I think actually I started liking it more when Lyra was joined by Will. I think that was starting with book 2.

I liked that the fate of everything depended on two people falling in love. You could say that is the most true thing really. Falling in love or at least (or better) falling into like. People coming together. Not literally. Though they can I guess.

And then there are the daemons. It's a nice idea. I'm curious to look up if that represents something specific for Pullman. There is his idea of death. And of course his anti-religious viewpoint. A lot of good stuff in this series. There is a similarity to CS Lewis. But it is better than Lewis.

Curious to see the movie now and then read his related books. His evolution stuff with the mulefa was well thought out. I kept expecting something to happen with those evil water birds. That and the evil priest (Gonzalez/Gomez?) almost didn't really serve a purpose. Almost something that could have been cut out.

But the birds taking a shit on the mulefa's settlement is the one thing that I very clearly remembered (and their seed wheels) from having read this so long ago. I must have been in a very strange place when I previously read this. I dimly recall sort of skim reading a lot of books; searching for I don't know what. Some vague thing that I guess doesn't exist. Though I certainly loved Jack Vance around that time.

Canterbury Tales
First one, the Knights Tale. Two guys are both taken prisoner. Can't remember now if they were brothers.... They see a woman from afar and both fall madly in love. The one is released and eventually comes back incognito just to be close to this woman. The second finally escapes. And then they want to fight each other to the death over her. And there's this big stupid battle. The one wins but then falls off his horse and eventually dies. Emily wails for days over it. And I'm still trying to finish this boring tale. Lots of stuff about the planet gods, Mars, Venus, Saturn.

And goes on and on even describing the damn funeral. Who cares? And he says he won't tell us about a ton of stuff and in so doing is telling us about it. On and on. Is this humor?

"In Chaucer's story there are two heroes, who are practically indistinguishable from each other, and a heroine, who is merely a name. In the Italian poem it is possible to feel the interest in hero and heroine which is necessary if one is to be moved by a story. . . . In Chaucer's version, on the other hand, . . . it is hard to believe that anyone can sympathize with either hero or care which one wins Emelye." Yes.

Ridiculously long and boring speech at the end. 

I suppose love is usually exactly that stupid. I suppose kind of perfect actually. Makes about as much sense as my weird fascination with S, but part of that was like how I want to get the disabled pet from the animal shelter. Sadly same thing. And so I go after really crazy people. But a lot of it was her looks. Still the most attractive woman ever to me. Which is ridiculous. But just getting to be around her as a friend really kept me going in a way. And I suppose in a way the same is true of her sister though much less. Probably much less is a good thing. I guess. And they both managed to get themselves fired from where I work. They may not seem much alike but ultimately similar.

Anyway I was really hoping for something like the Telltale Lilac Bush. Hoping not all the stories are going on about Saturn and Mars and having big fights over women who barely get to even speak in the story. Except in this case to say she'd really rather not be with either. So there is that.

Tennis
Playing with Michael Chang OS graphite. stiffness rating 59 with NXT strung mains 47 crosses 43. Continuing to try to hit a Jack Sock forehand. Arm is OK so far.... Guess I had a lot of aces today against Qasim. Who can move well. Backhand is western/eastern backhand grip (heavy topspin backhand). Though I don't usually hit much topspin on it anyway. Will my arm stay OK?

Played 6'8" Drew last week. He won 7-5, 6-3. I could have played better no doubt. He played well though. Today against Qasim was first time I used Sock heavy topspin one hand forehand on ROS. Hit a lot of errors. Game was breaking down from being tired. Pulling away from ball, jerking/jumping. Meh. Despite extreme western grip.

Anyway though 2-6, 6-3 and won a tiebreak. One good thing is I'm moving decent thanks to 35 lb backpack on ellipitical.

Rereading The Dragon Masters by Jack Vance.
It's very unlikely I will ever write anything as good as this novella. And I would like to understand why. The villain is extremely 2D. Very stupid. One is inclined to think just not realistic at all. But, actually people in the real world are amazingly stupid. So much of the story is just this idiot's actions. And random war stuff. The dragons fighting each other and against the Basics. Vance's use of language. His style makes it work.
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Joaz Banbeck is the same hero as in all his sci fi. He comes across distant. And stoic. We actually have little idea about him. He has children. It's not clear who the mother/s is. His love interest is stupid and doesn't seem much like a mom, if she even is one. Possibly they practice bigamy. No idea. There is virtually no interaction that is more than summarized between Joaz and anyone but Ervis Carcolo (the villain) and the sacerdotes and Basic envoy. The meeting between Joaz's grandfather and the Basic many decades previous might as well have been Joaz. Same damn character.

And an award winning story.

I think the thing, the most important thing, of this and I suppose just about all other enjoyable stories, is that it's a whitewashed version of the reality of the human condition. So this way that reality is warped that makes it enjoyable to read about. It has seemed like it makes it irrelevant escapism. And though I enjoy reading, somehow I can't quite be serious about writing it. And as I instead make it realistic and relevant, I recognize that it becomes something that in this day and age at least, no one is really going to have any interest in reading.

So, I need to learn to not feel silly with irrelevant escapism. And I have often told myself that it is still of use to us in this here world. I do think that evil people don't read fiction stories. As one reads they recognize when they're acting like some ridiculous 2D villain. And escapism in and of itself is also essential anyway.

Was reading Little, Big by John Crowley. Well written but too lovey dovey for me. I wonder if Crowley is gay. Don't know that I'll finish it. Instead have been reading Lord Valentine's Castle by Robert Silverberg. First book in Majipoor series. Not great. Silverberg was a prolific writer I've never gotten into. But I can just about tell when something is written by him. There is something about it. One thing I notice is that I keep expecting certain tropes and he keeps not doing them. There's a festival and everyone just has a good time. That's it. Nobody gets pickpocketed or murdered. And so on.

In other news my best friend outside of my wife got escorted from the building today. First her sister, my former close friend S, got fired many years ago. And now the same happens to her, B. I blame S. We are the people we associate with. She sent an ill advised text. It's the sort of thing S would do. She's trying to stay positive but it's really not a good thing. She had just gotten married and was trying to have a baby and was having fertility issues. Now she doesn't have health insurance to pay for the fertility issues. She's 38. Maybe this will mean she never has children. Also she has had nervous breakdowns before. Has been institutionalized before from manic episodes. I don't think that will happen now because I think having me and J as friends, plus now her husband will make a difference.

Ideally she wouldn't have been fired. This world continues to be this world though.

West of January by Dave Duncan. "Sci-fi". After rereading A Man of His Word series I was unhappy. A let down from leaving that world I suppose. Instead of continuing on tried something different. Liked it a lot. The beginning had a more serious tone than usual Duncan. Was really impressed. But eventually, despite the awful things that happened to him, it ended up feeling like his usual character who wasn't really affected by things somehow. Such as is normally the case in fantasy fiction/sci-fi. But then, it's fine line to walk when you're putting someone through such things while hoping the reader will keep turning the pages.

Anyway, starts with the Herdman who send the boys off on their own when they get armpit hair. They usually die. Adult male herdman have a ton of wives and except for rare traders/trades have no interaction with other herdmen except to fight to the death. Knoble leaves their with an "Angel". Then stays with the Seafolk for a while. Then a slave to the miners. Then sold to Traders. Then sold to a Spinster. Then saved by Angels. Stays with them quite a while. And then goes back to Herders and becomes their king while changing their way of life. Uses his power to destroy the slavery of the miners and that's that.