Again I wrote zero words. But I'm spending a lot more time playing cello/viola. And the beginning part of the week I was so dammed stressed, the idea of trying to write just seemed ridiculous. Finally thought of worrying about others instead of myself and the stress just disappeared. Maybe because I don't really have anyone else to worry about? Well what the hell it works. Wonder if it still will if I ever have someone else who really needs my worrying.

Reading Words of Radiance which is a really good book. Stormlight Archive seems so much better than his other works. Book one was one of the best I've read...

Did a 3.5 reps of a 4/4 at 6.5 min/miles on 2% incline. Shorter harder interval workouts leave me feeling better than longer slower ones.

My back definitely feels better when I really limit refined sugars. If I start eating something with refined sugar everyday. Like a piece of pie. My back starts bothering me more. I think.

Had a dream that I lost my job. I went and confronted my boss to ask why. She said they just hadn't made enough money. But then she made a pass at me. I didn't really reciprocate. Then she kind of acted like she was going to cry. Then she turned into a cat and hissed at me and waved her claws.

I do appreciate that in real life I virtually never see/interact with her, I guess. Don't think very highly of her. I assume she's just a bit stoopid, doing the best she can, but feels a bit intimidated?? Feel like she plays at being sophisticated or something. Comes across very weird and fake. And she has no clue what I do I think. Ultimately my job has been fine so whatever.

Bit stressy because I have some deadlines falling behind on. But they are the stuff I do only when everything else is finished. They aren't hard deadlines and I have a ton of other things. But if next week is very busy I may have to work on a lit review and abstract, etc at home I guess.

Three published papers so far and I guess there's the possibility of two more. For someone who only has a two year degree in the profession I work in and gets absolutely nothing out of publishing papers it's a bit strange.

Lately unhappy at work in that I find my coworkers to be very boring people. I think that well, they're almost all women. Yes, true. That plays some role. I'm a married man. Most would think what I consider a nonmeaningless friendship to be inappropriate. And hardly any, maybe simply none, would be anyone I really want to be friends with anyway.

But, I can easily enough think back to every group I've ever worked with, most of which were primarily men and they've all been a waste of time.

This group is at least nice. Not all back stabbing and such. But really I'd as well stare at a wall as have a conversation with them. Really, no one ever says anything remotely interesting.

It could be worse. In the swing between boredom and pain, this is only boredom.

They're too focused on short term obstacles perhaps to see the bigger picture. There's this one single woman that I thought perhaps was better (at work). I saw a lot of potential in her that wasn't really there at all. Just my imagination. It's only ever within, nowhere else.

Here and there in life there were others I thought better of. I've always been wrong though. It's always just my imagination. Imagining people to be better than they are.

Dad taken back to hospital by ambulance on Friday for looked like a stroke but apparently was a partial seizure caused by low blood sugar. Low blood sugar caused by kidneys not clearing diabetic medicine properly. Very stressful day. Last two weeks also very stressful. He expects me to be his nurse 24/7. My sister (also a nurse) doesn't help. I've been in the hopsital more than 200 hours last two weeks. On top of this I keep getting slammed at work with horrible patient loads. To stay sane one has to keep some emotional distance from their patients, with being a family member in the hospital so much these last two weeks I've lost that and have been just panicking at work now.

I previously felt that even if I won the lottery I wanted to keep working (reducing my hours of course) but now, I dread work. Finally slammed again Saturday and it was finally just too much and I finally made a mistake. Nothing life threatened but I just feel sick, feel so bad want to quit. Called off Sunday basically for a 'mental health day' not that we're allowed any such thing. Just said I was "sick".

Apparently there's something in Little Debbie oatmeal cookies that triggers those sinus headaches for me. Had a headache starting around midnight for the last 12 hours. Hadn't had one in quite a while. Took aspirin. Now took tylenol. Think I'll be OK for my cello lesson today. It was last week but I postponed because I never had a chance to practice since the previous. Rescheduled then my dad got rushed to the hospital yet again so I still have barely played.

Mother also can barely walk because of back issue. They're both staying in the spare bedroom. The "treeroom". And I'm taking care of both of them. It's nice to have them here. Before just being across town we'd sometimes go weeks without seeing each other. Too bad it takes this to see them more often.