Again I wrote zero words. But I'm spending a lot more time playing cello/viola. And the beginning part of the week I was so dammed stressed, the idea of trying to write just seemed ridiculous. Finally thought of worrying about others instead of myself and the stress just disappeared. Maybe because I don't really have anyone else to worry about? Well what the hell it works. Wonder if it still will if I ever have someone else who really needs my worrying.

Reading Words of Radiance which is a really good book. Stormlight Archive seems so much better than his other works. Book one was one of the best I've read...

Did a 3.5 reps of a 4/4 at 6.5 min/miles on 2% incline. Shorter harder interval workouts leave me feeling better than longer slower ones.

My back definitely feels better when I really limit refined sugars. If I start eating something with refined sugar everyday. Like a piece of pie. My back starts bothering me more. I think.

Had a dream that I lost my job. I went and confronted my boss to ask why. She said they just hadn't made enough money. But then she made a pass at me. I didn't really reciprocate. Then she kind of acted like she was going to cry. Then she turned into a cat and hissed at me and waved her claws.

I do appreciate that in real life I virtually never see/interact with her, I guess. Don't think very highly of her. I assume she's just a bit stoopid, doing the best she can, but feels a bit intimidated?? Feel like she plays at being sophisticated or something. Comes across very weird and fake. And she has no clue what I do I think. Ultimately my job has been fine so whatever.

Bit stressy because I have some deadlines falling behind on. But they are the stuff I do only when everything else is finished. They aren't hard deadlines and I have a ton of other things. But if next week is very busy I may have to work on a lit review and abstract, etc at home I guess.

Three published papers so far and I guess there's the possibility of two more. For someone who only has a two year degree in the profession I work in and gets absolutely nothing out of publishing papers it's a bit strange.

A key to happiness for me is a feeling of security (as opposed to hope) is that I'm motivated by positive reinforcement, not negative. In a capitalist society the negative usually wins out for me. The possibility of ending up homeless is of more interest to keep on the edge of my consciousness then whatever positive capitalism offers. So then something that works at least for me is thinking that if I won the lottery I'd want to keep my current job.... Maybe not something to look at too closely. (Because maybe I could find some better way to improve this world than in my current job...) But as a nurse I certainly can do more than most. So, I like to think as if I've won the lottery and yet, by choice, off to work I still go. This pretty effectively negates most negative reinforcement. Gets rid of the stressful nature that perhaps plagues me more than usual. Of course few people can say in any sense though that they'd continue their job even if they won the lottery/got many millions somehow, so this is of little use to most, except that they may want to try to find a job for which it is true of.