The worst part of the kidney stone issue (worse than the excruciating pain I think) is all the time spent laying around, too much time to think. I usually try to stay really busy in order to main a philosophical myopia, to avoid the big picture of existence, not to mention that even on a smaller scale my life is a sad thing. I have few friends (there are few people whom I could even have had as friends). Well whatever, I'm lonely, unfulfilled. It would be good to move, though of course, it probably wouldn't do any good. A lot of work, a huge fight with wife, and it probably wouldn't do any good. It's too late to turn it around. The time has past, there is a certain time in one's life to do certain things and I missed that time. And so, I'm stuck in a sense I guess and will never go forward. There's some dying to do. Will try to hold that off, I guess, for a while. Be tough, for what it matters. Keep myself distracted.