50 days out and so impatient. So sick of no athletics as a distraction. Hope my sternum hurries up and heals. Had some moral outrage. But not the last day or two... Have decent book idea related to empathy and the afterlife.... Still problematic. The bigger thing was the main character has a loving and at least somewhat wise father. Instead of being in hell and so miserable that I couldn't stand to go into the world.
There is happiness in minimalism. Eating an entire pie generally doesn't make you any happier than a single piece. Relying on your imagination to fill in the blanks is usually so much better than the alternative in modern society concerning many things.
Going back to work next week. Unhappy to be going back and not entirely sure I'm up to it.
I think empathy comes first. Not trying harder than most to practice the golden rule.
Wednesday, June 22, 2016
33 days out and don't feel so cranky. Except my paper got rejected and I'm not up to the revisions within the deadline as I'm not going to be at work for a few more weeks I guess. Finally doesn't hurt to breathe hardly at all but I can't quite yawn yet.
Son had tubes put in his ears today. It's because my wife couldn't produce breast milk and we thought it best to do cow milk till 2. Eventually I plan to get rid of milk as it's terrible for you.
I recently also read The Dark Tower, Till We Have Faces and The Great Divorce all by CS Lewis. Till We Have Faces was excellent and I wondered how I couldn't have known of it. Turns out Lewis also thought it was his best but it was never popular. A big theme in it was jealousy. The Great Divorce has a lot about people finding ways to refuse to admit they're wrong. Holding on to erroneous thoughts. I'm not a christian but I have always liked his writing. The Dark Tower starts out great with the Stinging Man but I thought took a wrong turn in making one of the people from their reality into one. I see why he didn't finish it.
And I read two books....The Nethergrim and The Skeleth by Matthew Jobin. Not terrible. Not quite as childish as the covers looked. Not quite. Think I need to take a break from that sort of thing though.
Now that I've been off almost 5 weeks, I feel about ready to start writing. Maybe my x-ray tomorrow will show my sternum not healing correctly. I'll leave that as just a vague hope. Starting to feel good enough that I kind of am enjoying being at home. Need to write about things that actually matter to me and do it in a selfish matter. Write something that will increase my own version of 'spirituality". And make real characters. That's always been my problem. Distinct characters.
B. loves Lewis and I borrowed those books from her. Like her so much better than her sister actually. Her sister was a mess though I surely would have put up with her till I died if she hadn't cut J and I from her life. I guess people a lot of people would think B is a mess also. I think very highly of her. Wish I could find her a man that would appreciate her. She is 37. Hate to think she will never have children. She would like too.
Also spent quite a bit of time the last few days messing around with synth1. Drum presets and trying to locate some other really good presets. Making the sounds may be better but you really just need some main truly good presets as your starting point. At first very very happy with the drum sounds. Thought it better than what I'd ever done before as I've always neglected drums. I've really lost it musically though. I stopped improvising. In part because something went wrong with my midi. Just programming the notes probably doesn't work as well. But... I still have the esq1 on analog and I haven't improvised anything special there. I did spend a couple days really trying to make sounds with it and ultimately wasn't super impressed.... But I know it can sound good with many tracks....
Was thinking it's like the artist who starts out wanting to express something that is in him and eventually he just becomes preoccupied with the process and doesn't really have anything left to express. I don't hear the music off in the distance as I fall asleep anymore. Original songs don't play in my dreams anymore. There's nothing anymore I want to use music to explain to the world.
Son had tubes put in his ears today. It's because my wife couldn't produce breast milk and we thought it best to do cow milk till 2. Eventually I plan to get rid of milk as it's terrible for you.
I recently also read The Dark Tower, Till We Have Faces and The Great Divorce all by CS Lewis. Till We Have Faces was excellent and I wondered how I couldn't have known of it. Turns out Lewis also thought it was his best but it was never popular. A big theme in it was jealousy. The Great Divorce has a lot about people finding ways to refuse to admit they're wrong. Holding on to erroneous thoughts. I'm not a christian but I have always liked his writing. The Dark Tower starts out great with the Stinging Man but I thought took a wrong turn in making one of the people from their reality into one. I see why he didn't finish it.
And I read two books....The Nethergrim and The Skeleth by Matthew Jobin. Not terrible. Not quite as childish as the covers looked. Not quite. Think I need to take a break from that sort of thing though.
Now that I've been off almost 5 weeks, I feel about ready to start writing. Maybe my x-ray tomorrow will show my sternum not healing correctly. I'll leave that as just a vague hope. Starting to feel good enough that I kind of am enjoying being at home. Need to write about things that actually matter to me and do it in a selfish matter. Write something that will increase my own version of 'spirituality". And make real characters. That's always been my problem. Distinct characters.
B. loves Lewis and I borrowed those books from her. Like her so much better than her sister actually. Her sister was a mess though I surely would have put up with her till I died if she hadn't cut J and I from her life. I guess people a lot of people would think B is a mess also. I think very highly of her. Wish I could find her a man that would appreciate her. She is 37. Hate to think she will never have children. She would like too.
Also spent quite a bit of time the last few days messing around with synth1. Drum presets and trying to locate some other really good presets. Making the sounds may be better but you really just need some main truly good presets as your starting point. At first very very happy with the drum sounds. Thought it better than what I'd ever done before as I've always neglected drums. I've really lost it musically though. I stopped improvising. In part because something went wrong with my midi. Just programming the notes probably doesn't work as well. But... I still have the esq1 on analog and I haven't improvised anything special there. I did spend a couple days really trying to make sounds with it and ultimately wasn't super impressed.... But I know it can sound good with many tracks....
Was thinking it's like the artist who starts out wanting to express something that is in him and eventually he just becomes preoccupied with the process and doesn't really have anything left to express. I don't hear the music off in the distance as I fall asleep anymore. Original songs don't play in my dreams anymore. There's nothing anymore I want to use music to explain to the world.
Tuesday, June 14, 2016
23 days out. Feeling quite cranky. So sick of laying around. And my heart continues to really pound. Not happy really with my progress, though I suppose I'm progressing.
Teh Dragonbone Chair by Tad Williams
This is so absurdly long winded. There has been so very little to happen. I give up at 75%. This is just a chore. I was thinking maybe he'd become a better as he went along. Also was waiting for the Sithi. This is just writing that's been churned out. He heard he needed to get his 500 or whatever and he made sure to churn them out.
Hollow World by Michael Sullivan
Sci fi is dying. Very hard to do it and be any good. This did have some nice ideas about the future. Plot was quite silly. Certainly better than Tad Williams though.
Dawn of Wonder by Jonathan Renshaw
Pretty good. Boy at school for marshalls that are sort of like secret agent men I think in the middle ages. Vague magic. First book was quite long. 900 pages. I enjoyed. Good read while going through my ordeal. Wish the rest of the series was already completed. He really puts in some good philosophical points while keeping it a page turner.
Having trouble finding a good book lately. I'm so not at my best right now for thinking or anything. I'm thankful I've had a decent number of visitors. Mainly B like 3 our or 4 days, the sister of S, who whatever the fuck happened I don't really know. Some kind of jealousy. Hopefully B will never do something ugly like that. So sick of that sort of thing. The thing is to see how a person treats other people and based off that she really does not appear to be that sort of person. Not remotely. Seems a very good person. Not a miserable misanthrope jealous of other's happiness or whatever.
I have no inspiration. What I had in the past was based off of unhappiness. And that just isn't the way to get it done. Now I'm not really unhappy. Just cranky about physical pain and laying around for close to 4 weeks now. So sick of TV/movies. Getting tired of music even. I think. I don't know.
Get nauseuaueues if I eat much. Find myself turning to thinking about sex as I'm really running out of ideas lately. Hurt too much for hard thinking. Feeling quite cranky that my wife is a foot shorter than me and outweighs me by 40 pounds. No point in complaining about it to anyone. No point talking about it at all. It wouldn't bother me so much except I'm stuck sitting here in the this recliner and just out of things I can do. Can't go do sports, or projects, or even go for a walk. Can't think hard, so being creative is out. More cerebral, anti-page turner books are beyond me mentally right now. Can't go to work. Can't even sit outside and relax because of the locust swarm.
Teh Dragonbone Chair by Tad Williams
This is so absurdly long winded. There has been so very little to happen. I give up at 75%. This is just a chore. I was thinking maybe he'd become a better as he went along. Also was waiting for the Sithi. This is just writing that's been churned out. He heard he needed to get his 500 or whatever and he made sure to churn them out.
Hollow World by Michael Sullivan
Sci fi is dying. Very hard to do it and be any good. This did have some nice ideas about the future. Plot was quite silly. Certainly better than Tad Williams though.
Dawn of Wonder by Jonathan Renshaw
Pretty good. Boy at school for marshalls that are sort of like secret agent men I think in the middle ages. Vague magic. First book was quite long. 900 pages. I enjoyed. Good read while going through my ordeal. Wish the rest of the series was already completed. He really puts in some good philosophical points while keeping it a page turner.
Having trouble finding a good book lately. I'm so not at my best right now for thinking or anything. I'm thankful I've had a decent number of visitors. Mainly B like 3 our or 4 days, the sister of S, who whatever the fuck happened I don't really know. Some kind of jealousy. Hopefully B will never do something ugly like that. So sick of that sort of thing. The thing is to see how a person treats other people and based off that she really does not appear to be that sort of person. Not remotely. Seems a very good person. Not a miserable misanthrope jealous of other's happiness or whatever.
I have no inspiration. What I had in the past was based off of unhappiness. And that just isn't the way to get it done. Now I'm not really unhappy. Just cranky about physical pain and laying around for close to 4 weeks now. So sick of TV/movies. Getting tired of music even. I think. I don't know.
Get nauseuaueues if I eat much. Find myself turning to thinking about sex as I'm really running out of ideas lately. Hurt too much for hard thinking. Feeling quite cranky that my wife is a foot shorter than me and outweighs me by 40 pounds. No point in complaining about it to anyone. No point talking about it at all. It wouldn't bother me so much except I'm stuck sitting here in the this recliner and just out of things I can do. Can't go do sports, or projects, or even go for a walk. Can't think hard, so being creative is out. More cerebral, anti-page turner books are beyond me mentally right now. Can't go to work. Can't even sit outside and relax because of the locust swarm.
Wednesday, June 1, 2016
Favorite series:
Lev Grossman
Robin Hobb
Mervyn Peake
Brent Weeks (night angel)
Dave Duncan ( A man of his word/a few good men, also the Great Game)
Wrinkle in Time
Narnia
Tschai
Gene Wolfe
Drizzt
Also really like Anthony Ryan, Aldous Huxley, Tolkien, Kundera, Robert Tressel, Richard Adams, Christopher Buehlman, Charles Bukowski, Dickens, Leguin, Lovecraft, Murakami, Stapleton, Sheri Tepper, TH White, Paar Lagerkvist......
Lev Grossman
Robin Hobb
Mervyn Peake
Brent Weeks (night angel)
Dave Duncan ( A man of his word/a few good men, also the Great Game)
Wrinkle in Time
Narnia
Tschai
Gene Wolfe
Drizzt
Also really like Anthony Ryan, Aldous Huxley, Tolkien, Kundera, Robert Tressel, Richard Adams, Christopher Buehlman, Charles Bukowski, Dickens, Leguin, Lovecraft, Murakami, Stapleton, Sheri Tepper, TH White, Paar Lagerkvist......
Saturday, April 30, 2016
The Axe and the Throne by Ireman. Barely remember it now.... been awhile. Has lumbering large viking types. Uncompleted series I shouldn't have started. Wasn't impressed enough to reread the first book which I've already mostly forgotten.
Pierce Brown space trilogy Red Rising, Golden Son, Morning Star. Has a leftist revolution. That got me interested. Society divided along very sharp lines. The Reds are the lowest. The workers. There are pinks, etc. All ruled by the Golds who act vaguely like the ancient Romans. But I stopped 75% into the final book. It got so boring. Space warfare is so boring.
Dave Duncan-Speak to Devils and When the Saints. Not his best stuff. Magic starts as a voice that you pray to. Did like the era (15th century).
Going to have open heart surgery to replace my ascending aortic artery in a few weeks. This has been looming over my head since I was less than ten. I'll get to be off work for a month and it can't hurt as bad as kidney stones. And until then I'm expected to be sedentary so really looking forward to getting this over with and getting back to tennis.
Hope I don't die because that would mean my one year old son would grow up without a father I guess. Joanna claims she wouldn't remarry. I certainly wouldn't want her to not remarry. Anyway though I would like to be there for him and make sure things don't repeat. But really he could grow up in an orphanage and he'd still get taken care of enough that things wouldn't repeat.
Was thinking I know the real reason I wanted to write so much but wasn't successful. I have some intense feelings but I can't multitask well enough. I can't hold on to those intense feelings while also thinking about typing, grammar, etc. I can type etc pretty well but it's enough that the intense feeling is deadened. So they say to write like it's a grind, 500 words everyday. Every time I've done that all the intense feeling that was the real reason I wanted to is quickly lost. To successfully write I would have to somehow hold onto those intense feelings while putting down words. Perhaps if I could hold onto those feelings for say 2% of the words...
Pierce Brown space trilogy Red Rising, Golden Son, Morning Star. Has a leftist revolution. That got me interested. Society divided along very sharp lines. The Reds are the lowest. The workers. There are pinks, etc. All ruled by the Golds who act vaguely like the ancient Romans. But I stopped 75% into the final book. It got so boring. Space warfare is so boring.
Dave Duncan-Speak to Devils and When the Saints. Not his best stuff. Magic starts as a voice that you pray to. Did like the era (15th century).
Going to have open heart surgery to replace my ascending aortic artery in a few weeks. This has been looming over my head since I was less than ten. I'll get to be off work for a month and it can't hurt as bad as kidney stones. And until then I'm expected to be sedentary so really looking forward to getting this over with and getting back to tennis.
Hope I don't die because that would mean my one year old son would grow up without a father I guess. Joanna claims she wouldn't remarry. I certainly wouldn't want her to not remarry. Anyway though I would like to be there for him and make sure things don't repeat. But really he could grow up in an orphanage and he'd still get taken care of enough that things wouldn't repeat.
Was thinking I know the real reason I wanted to write so much but wasn't successful. I have some intense feelings but I can't multitask well enough. I can't hold on to those intense feelings while also thinking about typing, grammar, etc. I can type etc pretty well but it's enough that the intense feeling is deadened. So they say to write like it's a grind, 500 words everyday. Every time I've done that all the intense feeling that was the real reason I wanted to is quickly lost. To successfully write I would have to somehow hold onto those intense feelings while putting down words. Perhaps if I could hold onto those feelings for say 2% of the words...
“When will it ever end? Why won’t they stop? Why won’t they see? When will this horror end?” She says as if she’s pleading to someone, but not me. Because I can’t stop them.
In the afterlife we are all hunted by those we have wronged.
When they catch us, what then? What happens to us? They are stuck there forever. Ghosts forever living their terrible end. All who have had terrible ends are ghosts forever caught, unable to forget. Forever seeking a revenge that can never be quenched.
Monday, March 14, 2016
Read the Great Game by Dave Duncan. Protag just like Rap, super good guy. Very good trilogy. Really like Duncan. Very nice ending. (He lives and gets the girl). Goods in another world who get their power by being worshiped, etc. But one god gets out of hand and the hero it is prophesied will kill him.
Also read The Eye of Strife by him which was an interesting style. Each person's very different POV. Sort of a fantasy fiction mystery.
Also read the a trilogy by Harry Connolly The Way into Chaos/Magic/Darkness. It was good. Though the guy main character (Tejohn) was kind of a boring fellow really. A very good guy though. Cazia, the main lady, was a bit of a bitch in the beginning. Infectious monsters running amuck. Some Deus Machina (sp) I suppose. both nice trilogies.
Had been listening to the beautiful Skyrim soundtrack on Pandora and it got me wanting to play it again. It would be nice to write stories that sort of take place there. The thing is have to have characters. That was always my real weak point. As Duncan points out. Setting is easy. Characters are hard.
Also read The Eye of Strife by him which was an interesting style. Each person's very different POV. Sort of a fantasy fiction mystery.
Also read the a trilogy by Harry Connolly The Way into Chaos/Magic/Darkness. It was good. Though the guy main character (Tejohn) was kind of a boring fellow really. A very good guy though. Cazia, the main lady, was a bit of a bitch in the beginning. Infectious monsters running amuck. Some Deus Machina (sp) I suppose. both nice trilogies.
Had been listening to the beautiful Skyrim soundtrack on Pandora and it got me wanting to play it again. It would be nice to write stories that sort of take place there. The thing is have to have characters. That was always my real weak point. As Duncan points out. Setting is easy. Characters are hard.
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