Some times I still believe there exists some Thing. Something that sees me. Something beautiful. Some I guess of love. Of the right world. That which was lost. I fear to examine this "feeling" too closely. What if I thus destroy it? But what if I can instead strengthen it, bring it more into my consciousness, where it isn't lost to me for long periods of time?

It's like feeling as if I matter. Like I'm not just some random bit of nothing that will eventually be destroyed and forgotten, my ever action an exercise in futility.

Simpler characters are escapist. It's maybe hard to make a very simple character in first person and perhaps doesn't work well to have a detailed main character surrounded by cardboard cutouts. Thus third person more often for stories with less character detail...?

What's so great about a medieval setting in fantasy fiction?

It's an escape to a simpler world. A low technology and thus less complicated world. Two-dimensional characters, people whom are easier to understand, is also an escape.
Meanwhile there is great hope because the hero has an ace up their sleeve. Finally there is magic and thus mysticism, which means ultimately no overriding reason to be nihilistic.

Roger Ebert: Sometimes I feel that in my lifetime I have seen a healthy society ripped to pieces.

Run Faster from the 5K to the Marathon: How to be your own coach by Brad Hudson
Says running at a lot of different speeds and intensities is really important. Basic types are hills/hill sprints, tempo/threshold runs (hard for 2 to 6 miles), intervals, and slower longer runs. I basically have been doing only intervals. Trying to do all these others at least once a week, and slower easier runs as often as I can manage with my 15 hour grueling workdays.

Today I did 2 miles in 14:29, then two easy miles and finally 2 more miles (somewhat uphill) in 16:09. My low intense/high freq strength training is consisting of a set of overhead presses, closee grip bench presses, tri pushdowns and a set of chinups. Very low intensity. Very afraid of insomnia.

Whenever it occurs to one to do something nice for others, something altruistic, stop and think really hard. Then go do something selfish instead.

The Wizard book two of the Knight by Gene Wolfe
32% and having a hard time I guess following what's going on. The goings on at Utgard aren't making much sense to me. What exactly Sir Able is doing at the pass in the mountains makes no sense. Hela, the half Angrborn giant makes no sense. What Setr/Garseq is up to makes no sense. What the Aelf Firemaidens are up to makes no sense. Lady Idnn was suddenly at the mountain pass and then back in Utgard, huh? Like it's just random dream nonsense, on and on. Why Thiazi wouldn't suspect the humans in the assasination attempt. How Svon went from useless and bad to good so suddenly.

Unreliable narrators. That's Wolfe's thing. But it's seeming like everyone is so "unreliable" that the whole thing is just random chaos. Like they're all blindfolded and randomly running into walls and each other. I did like the first book though, so I'm trying to persevere.