The High House in the Mist by Lovecraft
If only he'd spend more time in the present. If only there were more dialogue.

Why didn't he? Here and there he did it a bit. Why not more often? Length issues? I've no idea.

This story has such a beautiful moment when Olney is hiding by a window outside the house as the person inside slowly goes around opening all the windows. A moment of trepidation... And then suddenly we jump to extreme vagueness and past tense. So it is with Lovecraft over and over.

Yet still, in his way, he did have such strong visions, that perhaps are just lost to us now. The world has changed in a way that, it's not that no one would now write like that, it's that no one at all thinks like that. No one wanders the night dreaming of the sorts of things Lovecraft dreamt of.

Superior to The Mists of Avalon. But he doesn't write actual stories.

The Wayfarer King by KC May. Book two. At the end she says she's an independent writer and asks people to spread this book around. Get other people to read it.

I would be embarrassed to recommend this book to others. Feel embarrassed to even mention it here. Not to say it was awful. Same criticisms as book one. Slightly more of a page turner than The Mists of Avalon, that I'm working on now. Although that one has a more detailed world. And is critically acclaimed. Well it has a strong romance thing to it. Just not a lot of plot. Not injustice that must be overcome. Not characters you strongly root for. No hero with an ace. Women sitting around at home mostly. Which was the idea of course.

Went out to dinner with wife and S and I think I had too much alcohol. Was a glimpse into one way, at least, in which adultery may happen. The way of just straight up stupidity. Straight up brain vacancy. Nobody, no nothing at all, at home.

But my, aren't you pretty?

Let's pull out the magnifying glass to take a closer look at this horrid monster. This evil. What are some other ways that people manage to do such a hurtful thing as adultery?

1. Not thinking the person will be hurt. Either because the way they treat you, they must not really like you anyway. Perhaps you'd both be better off with a divorce? Or I don't know, you wouldn't really give a damm if they did the same in return? Because you don't really feel quite the same way about them. (This is why love is so vaguely defined. We never feel exactly the same about each other.)

2. Alcohol-Wife? I have one?

3. Trying to purposely hurt your spouse, because they've hurt you.

4. Worst of all. I like a lot of tail and I thought I could get away with it. (Yes, there really are people out there for whom, that's it. That's all the thinking going on. But I just can't comprehend it at the moment. The people with no over-ego.)

5. Oh yes. People who aren't fulfilled with their lives who expect one single other person to be their everything. And so you get married and wait, you're still not really fulfilled. Well maybe this other women will do the trick. Nope. Try again. And again.

I think the problem last night is that I couldn't hear what was being said very well and was left mainly just with this pleasing vision for hour after hour. I shouldn't go beyond two drinks unless I'm up moving around. Then 2+ can really be fun.

Surprised myself and close gripped benched 110lbs for 18 reps on Monday. Other lifts had similar improvement. Wonder if all these 2/2's are strengthening my arms even.

Got out the jeans for the winter. They're all way too big around the waist. Need to buy a smaller size. They're a 36 inch waist. I might be down to a 32 at this point.

So, trying to not keep track of times right now. But it sure seems like I'm getting fast. And I couldn't help but noticing the last half mile of a 12 or so mile 2/2 interval run, that I started walking almost right at the half mile marker, then after 2 minutes of walk did two minutes of run and almost made it to finish.

Knocking out half a mile in just 4 minutes of a 2/2 is pretty good. Better than most runners ever manage. And really feel like I could go a lot further. Worried about going too far towards volume and away from intensity though.

Today in car with sister and mom it came up how jealous my nephew had seemed that I was nice to this 8 year old girl that had been over with her mom for dinner. This poor little girl has an unusual birth defect that among other things she has no elbows. Arms are just locked at 90 degrees. Also quite poor, just unemployed mom and her live in a trailer. Girl happens to be extremely musical. Writes her own original songs (just in her head) at only 8 years old. So of course, to be nice to her I show her my music studio and record some music with her. This makes my nephew very angry, apparently out of jealousy. Which I find disgusting. And truthfully it's the same damm way his mother is. Somehow the subject comes up in the car and I'm informed that of course any 8 year old would get mad. Apparently I'm supposed to treat him better than some other 8 year old. I shouldn't have shown this other kid the music studio. I respond that that would be unethical. Of course I'm going to be nice to this other kid, the same as I'm nice to my nephew. Sister then says that she doesn't want me around her son anymore. Which is typical from her. She's ethically defective. She is not in control of her animal half. She's also financially bankrupt, and not even from an illness or losing a job, just flat out from spending tons and tons of money. Along the way put 40k on a credit card in my mom's name. She's also fat. I'm more than a foot taller and she outweighs me. The nearby hospital told her to not come back last time she went there for her headaches. She usually goes to the ED once or twice a month for headaches and takes enough pain medicine to kill me. And despite this she won't even quit drinking caffeine.

OK so she's a dumbass. Thought to remember is that her rational mind is not in control of the animal part of her. Like a large dog that's usually nice, that in the right circumstances could maul you.

Then Mom chimes in, "It's just some kid you're not even related to!"
Which reminds me of how awfully she treated my adopted nepalese brother, Dipendra. He was like the work help basically. Made to do endless chores. Here and there I dared to point this out and got screamed at and so on for my trouble. The very idea that I would claim he hadn't been treated equally, was supposedly quite absurd.

"It's just some kid you're not even related to!"

She also treated my nepalese stepsister like shit. And now can't understand why that sister doesn't really have much to do with her.

Last night at work, after waiting on some guy hand and foot for 10 hours, at which point I was getting a bit tired, starts screaming insults and so on at me because I didn't read his mind and pull him up 2 inches in the bed to eat his dinner.

Another person owned by their animal mind.

I probably have a very conservative average of 10 new patients each week. Sometimes more like 20. And there are a lot of people out there who are controlled by their animal mind. And people with substandard ethics.

Can't avoid being subjected to such people. But, you have a beer and forgot them.

So then, men spread their genes better by cheating on wives. They just have to convince themselves they don't suck in order to do it.

Women expect unequal treatment for their family members. Not all women though. I know a couple decent ones.

Same trail as last time but just in one direction and hit this really beautiful spot where I was in a valley and the trail was almost a perfect line going down the middle of it, perfectly flat and I could follow the line of the trail almost a mile off into the distance. Other than the trail, no signs of life in any direction.

Felt very fast today. Almost felt like I was sprinting, not briskly jogging, at times. Just a 2/2 for 100 minutes. Worry my right hip will start bothering me and I'll have to slow down but so far, feeling good. Making sure to put flax meal in legume stews.

I guess this run was around ten miles. Didn't really even touch me though. Might have to go a lot farther next time. Listening to Beethoven's 9th, 7th, 3rd.

Also at home been listening to the 5th and 8th. Beethoven said people liked his 7th so much more than the 8th basically because people are stupid. Well, I like the 7th the best of all of them. Although the ode to joy of the 9th is really good. Typical preferences.

CNRN exam tomorrow. Will be glad to get that over with.

I think the headache was actually caused by bad cashews (7 months past expiration date and wife says they tasted a bit funny). Food was having a metallic taste, along with the headache for two days. With that taste going away I went on a bit of a bender and had 4 beers while I was practicing cello. That's a fun way to practice. Probably not a good idea though... According to definitions I'm close to being a heavy drinker now. A single beer is like nothing. 'Slurp' Gone.

Would like to drink a lower ALC. Like 1 or 2% and drink a lot more. And just perhaps stay better hydrated that way. Kvass sounded very good. But I would have to make my own probably. Is a place near Pittsburgh that uses a tenth century Russian recipe. I love the idea of feeling like I'm living in the middle ages. But it's an unreliable a nano-brewery. The only one in the US making kvass...

Beethoven is way too modern to support that middle ages feel. Have to expand. Arvo Part is pretty good....

Why do I like feeling like I'm in the middle ages? Why do I want my stories to have that sort of setting? I dunno. Think because I want a pretechnology time. The far past. Yet no all the way to cavemen. That's all really. And then.... I thought the other day it's like a sort of suicide. Like I'm putting myself back in time with all the other dead people. And/or a preparation for the reality of my oncoming death.

I don't know. I don't have the feeling quite right at the moment. Have an exam. Thank god no more regular school.

But perhaps something like reconciling myself to the fact they're all completely gone with practically no trace at all even of their existence? No, not really.

Like I want their lives to not feel so futile. Not quite so completely dead and forgotten? Maybe that's part of it....

I ran on a different trail yesterday for first time in a very long time. Was a nice change. Trying to just do 2/2's twice a week. Previously my right hip started getting achy. Trying to make sure to put flax meal into rice and legumes at least once a day to reduce any potential inflammation. (Along with two beers each day.) Not keeping track of how far I'm running in a given time as that's been taking the fun out of things, even though I've been setting a PB just about every single week, if not every single run. Thinking to just do a 3 mile run once a month to check progress and otherwise hope to just do 2/2.... Certainly felt nice and fast today. And went for almost two hours. Probably could have used a bit more intensity....

Closegripped benched 110 for 15 reps on Monday, which surprised me. Have been getting almost back to previous strentgh despite weighing much less and eating a very slight fraction of my previous diet's protein.

For now best 3 mile run was 23:08. Feel like I should easily blow that away next time I try in a couple of weeks.

Got a headache really bad this morning for first time in many months. Pretty sure it was from eating pecan pie yesterday. Think there's a lot of eggs in pecan pie. Add that to list of things I never eat. That includes now:
-any meat
-any caffeine, (coffee, tea, chocolate....)
-peanuts
-eggs
-diary (but I still eat a bit weekly, just not many options here in hickland.)
-pecan pie (I will occasionally eat cake/pie's that contain a bit of egg and diary, but pecan pie is now officially forbidden, I'd really prefer to just eat candied pecans anyway, which hopefully weren't the actual cause...)
-also trying to limit intake of gluten and oils

Apparently, the collective intelligence of the human race adds up to having not so much idea really whether or not you'd eventually die of dehydration if all you ever drank was beer. (I seem to be doing OK though...) (Just kidding.) If I were in charge, we would know the answer to this question.

I seem to do best with my running if I basically do just about nothing but intervals. (No running longer than a few minutes.) Yet standard training lore does not advocate this. Emil Zatopec did back in the 50's. But supposedly we've since learned better ways since then. So either I'm a freak of nature, standard training is Still wrong, after all this time. Or... I would do better if I didn't train all intervals for months on end, year round. I suspect many people would do far better with intervals all the time. Also what a drag to deal with continous pain for 30 minutes, etc as opposed to a couple of minutes, on top of the possibility it may actually not really be the optimum way to trian. And if I were in charge we'd systematically get to the bottom of this.

It may just be that all vitamin supplements are actually bad for you. Maybe. Maybe not. After all this time, that about sums up our level of knowledge on the matter. Incredible. If I were in charge, we'd put so much more money into preventative medicine. It's 2011 and this is how little we know?

Taking my very sweet time with How To write books.... Roz Morris, Donald Maass, James Scott Bell... Few others. Have not sat in the void so much. Figured I need to read these books first. (There's always some excuse.)

Poems of Lewis Carroll.
I had no idea he wrote both The Jabberwocky and Alice in Wonderland. I really enjoyed reading his poetry (outloud) the other night after drinking two beers. Sometimes two barely touch me. This time I was pretty tipsy. I may have to try that again. Poetry is generally too concerned with pretty words, etc, it's quite silly. But while tipsy, at least this once, I really enjoyed that about it.

Perfect Shadow by Brent Weeks
Very short and I've nothing much to add beyond his past novels that I loved. One thing I guess, it's got a depth to it that other books just don't. All that talk about the ka'kari. The level of detail about architechture. And here Durzo Blint's past lives that we go back to occasionally. I'm comparing it all to The Kinshield Legacy by KC May which I also just read that doesn't have that same depth.

Truthfully Kinshield got more of an emotional response from me. But then it tantalizes so well. It holds back. It teases with Gavin Kinshield not wanting to be king but we all know he'll become king. In some ways it's really not a good novel. The bad guy is just ...empty, dorky. Not three dimensional enough.

Depth. I think it can even extend to names. Gavin isn't a very good name. Gaelan is. Durzo Blint is decent.

Perfect Shadow goes back to the life of Durzo Blint who becomes the master of... the Night Angel trilogy guy, whatever his name was. It's very short.

The Kinshield Legacy is about a guy who does something similar to pulling a sword out of a rock in order to become king. But it's 5 stones and he does so one by one over the course of the story. And he doesn't want to be king because he's that good of a guy. He is still a bit cartoon charaterish. Little bit too stupid in some ways. Not a bad story but just doesn't have the depth.

I proscrastinate less. I worry less. I get on with just living more when I've got a beer in me.

The 7/2's are a bit much. Really left me dead yesterday. Think I need to just concentrate on 2/2's and 3/2's. If I want to run a race, all I need is one 3 mile run 4 days prior.

Ran a 7/2 for the first time today, for 12 miles in 1:46:42. First 6 in 52:00, then tried to do 9 minute miles but last 2 miles slowed down a bit. Still PR's at least once a week.

Last week I didn't eat well. Had insomnia on Monday then ate kind of bad on T, W. Then after awful Th run, ate just a bit bad some more. And immediately gained a bit of flab around middle. They say it takes 6 months? for your body to reset itself at a given weight. But I don't really care too much. All my joints feel great lately. No hip pain, not even my right knee has been hurting anymore. Been putting a bit of flax into my bean and rice stews.

Todays run was awful. First off running continously for many miles at a hard pace just sucks to begin with. Continous pain for 25 to 50 minutes is just no good. Today attempted to run 6 miles in under 50 minutes. At 5.5 miles I was at 46:10 and said to hell with it. Then I was supposed to do 6 miles of 3/2 intervals and after about a mile my stomach started feeling not so good and I quit. Was attempting to repeat Monday's workout.

But after Monday, I guess thanks to the weightlifting, I got some insomnia that night. Then ate too much T, W, including some junk. Also had a vey salty soup Wednesday night. Probably weighed a few more pounds today. Also the monday run was a step up and probably all on it's own, took a bit out of me.

And anyway, I think continous running is kind of a waste of time. If I ever want to compete in a 5/10k. One 3 mile run 4 days prior will get me ready. So, I'm going back to all intervals. Along with not hurting as bad IMO, I really just think they're what will actually get you faster. Also, probably can do more miles using them. Might just try to 15 miles of 3/2's next Monday.

Finished The Black Prism by Brent Weeks.
Negatives are:
1. that the main heroes are too standardized.
2. heroes didn't do anything particular other than be born to gain their special powers. Being awesome comes a bit too easily. No suffering or hard work to get their.
3. World is a bit too thin. Lacks sufficient depth. Scott Bakker's book comes to mind as having more depth. And Robin Hobb. And George Martin. Simply is less description of setting. And less background I guess.
4. The magic system isn't so great. And is over explained. Lacks mystery/religion feel.

Positives
1. Did like the Gavin vs Dazen thing. A slight edge of meaningful social depth. Barely. The real Dazen has suffered quite a bit of injustice I guess in life, although it has nothing to do with how he gained his powers.
2. I did really get into it. I was "moved" as I was reading it.

What could have given more depth?
1. Simply describing settings more I guess. A whole bunch of lingo for trees and hills, etc.
2. Describing food eaten.
3. Describing different cultural traits as we go from city to city.
4. Giving more detail to the religion??? It does have detail but the heroes are atheists. And we don't really spend any time with any true believers. As Hobb says a fantasy without religion is ...(something negative.) Personally I think religion is created to counter suffering. Without religion, we've got a world without suffering. Without suffering, people in general don't really have depth to them.

First time running a continous 6 miles. Did it in 50:31. Then did another 6 miles as 3/2's. Total time for 12 miles was 1:49:46. Want to get up to 15 miles so I can run a nicer route, which unfortunately doesn't have correct mile markers but is supposedly 7.5 miles long. Not so sure I like spending quite this much time though, even with it only being twice a week... Maybe I should just do a 10 and 15 each week...

Closegrip benched 110 pounds for ten reps. Wide grip pulldowns 120x17. Shoulder raises and curls/tri extensions done with no real intensity. Really dislike lifting weights anymore.

50 partial one legged squats. Not leaning forward anymore. Which makes it harder and also makes it more useful and possibly is better for my knees?

Forgot to do sit-ups. Shall do them now.

Health has been great though. No insomnia. No headaches. Decent energy level. Feel pretty good.