Ran a 5k a few weeks back in a dismal 22:30. Last year at that time I did one in 21:40. I am ten pounds heavier this year. This one was hilly. Last year it was really only 3 miles, this year I forgot my garmin. My knee has reduced my weekly mileage, etc. Last year I did omega male training (which is huge). But still that's just going the wrong way, thinking I should change my training back to hard twice a week and otherwise very easy or elliptical. Did the elliptical two days in a row and then while feeling very lethargic from it did 4 miles at 7:36 pace yesterday. PR for that is like 7:18 pace. The elliptical seems to bother my right knee. Trying to be careful.

Have a half marathon in less than a month. It would be nice to get in a 8 mile run at under 8 minute pace in the next couple weeks. I've done it before. Might manage it.... If so, it would suggest a good improvement in this half.

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Lately everything feels old. Having trouble enjoying my diversions. Having trouble holding on to my myopia. Everything lately. Also worried about work as all the stroke doctors and researchers are leaving. Could lose my job.

Cello workshop seriously sucked up all my time. I guess I definitely got better at the cello. Now sick to death of cello and taking a break. Wonder what the net effect will be. I think now I maybe want to find that Gorecki piece no matter the cost. ...really got to work on learning the ESQ1 also...

So for 5 or 6 weeks I averaged 34 miles a week, then two weeks of 20 thanks to sickness and race taper. Last week though did 36 and this week did 21 just in the first two days. Just now going back to a true long run, plus a hard run plus three more 7, 8 mile runs. About an 80/20 easy/hard ratio. With the easy being breathing through nose. Boring stuff. Really effing boring.

10% in to Mieville's Kraken and put it aside. The main character is too dumb. It's OK if most characters are stupid, but the main character can't also be. Was thinking that actually a book with a few intelligent people surrounded by idiots pretty well summarizes quite a few books. Previous Mieville books didn't have such stupid main characters....

So back to Le Guin, I think basically having ideas automatically means "didactic" / preachy. And thus, just not something to worry about.

Built a pergola/arbor today for my thriving wysteria. Also pond water is clearing up. Blackberry bushes are growing like crazy. Really like my yard.

Was thinking jazz is like at least three people having a happy/humorous conversation....

I don't feel like I'm doing enough at work to justify my pay. This worries me. Otherwise the job is just fircking fanatanastick.

Wife recovering from exploratory fertility related surgery. In the last instant of the world our inability to reproduce doesn't matter too awfully much. But I guess you could call this continuing failed process like the very long slow drawn out erasing of a potential human. That is sort of what it feels like.