It seems my need to experiment with all the possibilities has followed me into tennis.

1. Backhand slice with eastern forehand grip-can really take a rip at the ball and hit huge backspin. Can be harder to get much pace though.
2. Backhand slice with continental grip-less backspin, have to be careful not to swing too hard, does better on low balls than eastern forehand grip though. Does get more pace though.
3. Backhand slice with eastern backhand grip-has more of an awkward follow through and can hurt the heel of your hand. Gets a side spin which is kind of useless really.

4. One hand backhand drive with eastern forehand grip-no topspin but otherwise not as bad as it might seem.
5. One hand backhand drive with continental grip-still can't get much topspin with any meaningful control. Feels beautiful if just hitting easy but can't get aggressive with it.
6. One hand backhand drive with eastern backhand grip-much better for hitting topsin. Lower balls still a possibility.
7. One hand backhand drive with extreme eastern backhand grip-low balls are just too hard. Also shoulder muscle starts bothering me with trying to swing upwards so hard.

8. Two handed backhand-I find the eastern forehand grip for both hands the best. Bringing one of both hands around for more topspin might seem like a good idea but I mishit balls and don't get enough pace on them. With two hands you can be more precise and good ahead and hit pretty flat. Although I can still hit topspin and backspin with the double eastern forehand grip.

9. Forehand slice with continental grip or (10.) eastern forehand grip-I've had more practice with continental but this is one that I don't think matter much. Eastern forehand feels slightly less natural but can still work fine with practice, I think.

11. One hand forehand drive- continental is too awkward, while the (12 and 13) extreme topspin grips mean you start leaning back away from the ball and throwing your body around too much, thus too many errors and not enough pace through the court also. (14) Eastern gives enough topspin without going overboard and can also hit backspin.

15. Two handed forehand-but people still hit so many errors on their forehands and when your racquet weighs over 15 ounces this is especially an issue. With two hands both in the eastern forehand position I have so much better control still with plenty of power. Can still hit topspin along with backspin or perfectly flat as I have so much control. Additionally it's easier on the arm.

So I think I've settled on two handed backhand and forehands using the eastern forehand grip (or maybe slightly over to the handshake grip) for both hands. Hitting drives and slices this way. Except when serving I take short balls with a one handed continental grip right now. In large part because I don't want to hit the serve with a continental grip, switch to eastern for the short ball and then switch back to continental for volleys.

Thinking to try eastern forehand volleys.

Think playing with a very heavy racquet with two hands is a very good idea that I don't think maybe has ever (?) been done.

Dear Hawthy,
So in 2014 your aunt Tara's husband bought a porsche. Porsches are extremely expensive cars. He bought one and hid it from my stepfather. He hid it because he had so little money my stepfather and mother were paying for their groceries, etc. And yet he has enough money to buy a porsche. So in effect he's stealing from them. After many months of this I finally told my stepfather. In return my sister threatened to have your mom's frozen embryos destroyed, claimed I was physically abusing their sons and many other things. Almost a year later we're not speaking and she's offended with me. Why? Not because of the porsche because that just makes her look bad. No, instead she invents other reasons. Because that's what shitty people do. The actual reason was the porsche. Although she has always been a kind of shitty person. Endless ugly stories could be told. So, whatever.

Interestingly her parents (my mother and stepfather) took her side in this. My mom doesn't have much in her that is logical. She just likes this one daughter of hers pretty much no matter what. Instead my mom was just upset with me because I was destroying the family by informing her husband that he was being stolen from. Extremely upset. Screaming insults at me. And so she went on and on for months. Causing us extreme stress during the later stages of of your mom's pregnancy with you. Despite us pleading with her to please stop it. That the stress wasn't good for the baby. She dismissed such concerns and continued.

And my stepfather was not all that much better.

The main concern of both was that THE FAMILY IS EVERYTHING! And that in response to threatening to have your mom's embryos destroyed, claiming I was abusing her children, etc (all of which they just dismissed out of hand). I had to just make nice. Continue to spend my free time around these people. I point out things are at the point that there could be a physical altercation and someone could end up in jail and they dismiss that also. So what if I go to jail? Who cares? The important thing is we pretend everything is just great and continue to sit around in the same house at holidays.

And amazingly, I agree to do so.

I spend the next holiday in my sister's freezing house (they're both very fat and don't easily get cold). Finally after spending a day and a half there I want to watch something on TV. On a channel they don't get. So I make it clear many hours before that at noon I'm going home to watch something on TV. And still when noon comes... they throw a huge fit. Sister cussing me out, mother screaming crap, stepfather acting like I have something wrong with me. Etc.

These people are driving me crazy.

Mind you, this stepfather is the same man who physically beat me regularly throughout my child and constantly threatened physical violence. He had me in constant fear. He'd tell me I was of less use to the world than piss, etc. And otherwise did nothing with me. Never taught me anything. Never played a sport with me. Pretty much crushed whoever I might have become in life. Had no interest in who I was or what I thought. I needed to just shut up and act like him. This man that I had nothing at all in common with.

And returning back to 2014/5 he was of course convinced he was an awesome parent. Completely forgot that he ever hit me even once. Thinks he was a great parent in every way possible. If I'm not where I might be in life (qualified for the triple nines society, three degrees and severely underemployed) it's just because there must be something wrong with me (I had a mentally unstable boss who suffered extreme bouts of irrational paranoia. She would decide people were out to get her and then do everything she could to destroy them. And she was successful in my case.) Which he likes to go on and on about. "Yes, you could have accomplished anything if only you had just done as you were told, but there's something wrong with you..."

Yes, these people are driving me crazy.

And so, after you were born, my stepfather went on for three months about how he wasn't going to be very close to you because I didn't give you his middle name (Ram). Seriously. Talking about how he was going to have to reconsider his will. (He's gone on and on for years about his will, exactly like a total ass would do.)

This makes me angry. It's one fight after another for 40 years with these people. And in between the fights, my mother and stepfather do nothing but lay in bed. Seriously whenever I come over to visit I just go to the bedroom because it doesn't matter what time it is, they're going to be laying in bed. For 35 years at least. They fight and otherwise lay in bed. Nothing physically wrong with either. That's just what they "do". No hobbies. Watch TV. Look at the stockmarket. That's it. Give the same lecture about how being a miser is the most important thing in the world and that's it.

And it's been one fight after another with them and I've bent over backwards for decades. Tried to put up with them. Tried to think the best. Tried to be like the third son in Kurosawa's famous movie Ran.

And finally, at the age of 42 I manage to have a beautiful son. It should be such a happy time. And still just endless fighting (I've left out a million similar ridiculous stories from the decades before). In fact strangely enough they lay it on much thicker at this time, almost like they want my pregnant wife to have a miscarriage. And then he talks about taking me out of his stupid fucking will when I'm the only person in the whole damn family who's tried to be honest with him instead of just avoiding having a conversation with him at all costs like my two sisters.

And when I get angry about how ridiculous he is for acting this way, what does my mom do? She attacks me.

And so I finally told them I would have nothing more to do with them. If I inherit any money I will not accept it. I told my mother she could still see you though. And interestingly a month has now passed (you are now 4 months old) and she has not come to see you even once (she lives two minutes away and is retired).

So that's that. This was written quickly because it's far preferable to just not waste anymore time thinking about these people. But I will perhaps forget so well that I won't be able to explain why we don't speak to them.

I really haven't caught the essence of what it was growing up with these people. Haven't tried to. Sometimes though I think of how I want to treat you, the things I want to do for you and compare to how my childhood was and it's just ridiculous. I never had a chance in life because of my parents. Your life will surely be so much better. I want so bad to make it so much better. I am so looking forward to your future. I won't force you to be anything. I will see who you are and try to do whatever I can to help you succeed in whatever it is you want to succeed in. I will spend actual time with you. My parents never spent any time with me. You won't spend your evenings alone in a house in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do but watch sitcoms on the 3 channels the TV gets.

And I'm happy with the handshake grip. Although my backhand was mostly better because I tried to keep my arms mostly straight and come through like most pros. The forehand was a bit shaky, kept hitting it long. So I lost 7-6, 6-1 to Jay Cooke. The second set had lots of close games though. Was really a close match. Really pretty happy with it although I ripped a blister on my toe and wrenched my shoulder blade when serving up the T in the deuce court. For it being the first time I ever played with that grip I'm very happy. Expect I'll improve, provided I remember to keep hands close to straight on backhand.

Elbow has been feeling great since I switched to a McEnroe like serve. Did a somewhat better job moving it around today also. Though I fatigued in the second set. Won a bunch of service games at love in the first set. Could see blowing this guy out on down the road.

Now trying out the "handshake grip" that Connors used. Between an eastern and continental but very close to eastern. Trying to just hit pretty flat and also hit two hands on backhand with arms very straight.

Christopher Buehlman. Read his four books. The Lesser Dead is very good. The medieval plague one (Between Two Fires) was pretty good although the characters weren't as realistic as in the Lesser Dead. The werewolf one (Those Across the River) was pretty good. The 30's South was well done and very realistic characters. It had very little of the supernatural in it though. The Necromancer's House was kind of cute. Very inventive but in some way not terribly serious. Lesser Dead was the best of the bunch. And that's all he's written so far. So that's that.

I'd rank them Lesser Dead, Necromancer's House, Those Across the River and Between Two Fires is last. Although 14th century with the Black Death is a great time period. The characters just aren't as real. Maybe too much of the supernatural and killing right from the beginning.

Very happy with the warmer weather. Hawthy is waxing. Disowned parents but said they can still see Hawthy. Which means they might pull me back in for more hell. But I tried to say very cruel things to make that less likely (was pretty honesty). They have driven me to the edge. If they were anyone other than my parents I certainly would have no association with them long ago. If they cared, they'd just leave me alone. But they don't listen. (the problem in the first place). Completely ignore whatever I say. And continue to try to force me into dangerous situations. Or manipulate me into them. I really should be allowed to simply not be around them. A point is reached where it's incredibly stupid to continue playing with fire. Told them if I inherit any of the millions I won't accept it. But for Hawthy's sake maybe that was wrong to say.