Some times I still believe there exists some Thing. Something that sees me. Something beautiful. Some I guess of love. Of the right world. That which was lost. I fear to examine this "feeling" too closely. What if I thus destroy it? But what if I can instead strengthen it, bring it more into my consciousness, where it isn't lost to me for long periods of time?

It's like feeling as if I matter. Like I'm not just some random bit of nothing that will eventually be destroyed and forgotten, my ever action an exercise in futility.