Far be it for me to expect any of you to ever break free.
Far be it for me to expect any of you to rise above.
Far be it for me to ever expect any damm worthwhile thing from any of you.

I shall live and die without experiencing any exceptions. It used to amaze me. Now I understand the true horror of it a bit better. Was it better to be perpetually amazed? No, no, no. It is at least a breaking free. Just here and there I still try to actually live, just a little, unfortunately.

Really liking Gene Wolfe lately. Like the dreaminess. If it's something ugly. Better to be asleep. And so may I tolerate what remains of this "life" in a somewhat asleep state.

Was going to see some cellists play Metallica today with S and literally 15 minutes before I was leaving my dad made me take him to the ED instead. (He's fine.) Somehow this triggered some mysticism in me. To be exact the old belief in an evil god who's got it in for me. And I dunno. Something more. Just an avanlanche of disgust with this world. Something that wasn't a big deal suddenly became a big deal and I dunno. Feel like it caused me to take a step back and really look in horror at things that I'm trying so hard to just ignore. This world is so horrifically wrong, wrong, wrong. So hard to stand the wrongness of it. So hard to just stay myopic and try to enjoy the little things sometimes.

Right now I kind of want to scream and break things. Not something that's happened in a long time.