Stepfather tells me today that he wanted me to be just like him. And indeed that's basically what he tried to do. He tried to pound me into his shape.

And for the most part, it didn't work. But he certainly stopped me from reaching my own actual potential.

As I keep seeing him act in inappropriate ways, I wonder what chance really did I ever have to reach my dreams with such a father? And I wonder just what might I have accomplished if not for him? And I wonder if anything can be salvaged at this point?

And realistically, the answer is that nothing really can be salvaged. My dreams are dust. I don't know why I'm here at all anymore.

I guess I'll pretend I'm still trying. Even though I'm locked out.