This creature that likes to cheer people up. Strangely finds moppy so attractive and interesting, (within reason). What of happy people? Oh that's OK. What of a moppy person that it successfully makes happy.
More trustworthy than a dog. Maybe it is a dog.
A cigar floating in space.
I meant to do that!
Did you do it on purpose?
I'm not sure. What does that word mean?
You walk into the party and you find whoever is sitting alone because they're shy or whatever. And you go start up a conversation with that person, with no concern personal concerns. No worries about what would make you personally happy. Except that you couldn't have fun if one person there clearly wasn't.
You spend your life like this, unrecognized and eventually thrown away like a chunk of rotting meat. The beautiful dreams in your head never understood. Never possible because the morlocks don't want paradise, they want cheeseburgers and reality TV.
Physically feel really good today. Unusually good. Think the 150's HR is hard enough that the endorphin production goes up without being so hard that it gets overridden by exhaustion.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Just a piece of meat. Practically not even really here. Soon enough won't be. Miss my wife. She is so good at keeping me preoccupied.
Such unspeakable things happened long ago, that I think it left me desiring closer connections than.... I don't know.... I have anyway. I have my wife. I want more.
Had this story idea of person like in a concentration camp or something torturous who somehow develops some strange possibly pyschic connections with someone else. And possibly the other person is in a similar situation. Or is just thoughtful enough to want such a connection? Does anyone else desire such close connections?
Perhaps that lady from Orkney did in a sort of way. Maybe. I don't know. Too bad about all those drugs.
In the story it is like telepathy, perhaps just late at night, for some small time period, or I don't know, while on the edge of sleep.
Closer connections than perhaps anyone has. Women are closer to one another. It's their specialization to stop the tribe from disintegrating. So they yammer on and on about this and that. I don't think they do exactly what it is I want. (And I want it less than I did. Gradually less, with some waxing and waning. Waxing at the moment.) They talk about useless stuff far too much. Instead of the "big stuff" going on about some long story with all kinds of minutae(sp) of detail that just doesn't matter.
Still. Still it can be nice, to listen to them yammer on. Just listen to the pretty sounds, while only barely paying attention. My office mate going on and on about paying taxes for example. I enjoy her very much. Feel very very lucky to share an office with her.
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Got my fig tree and grapevines. Put fig tree by metal halide light. Put vines outside, dug in temporarily. Won't be surprised if they die. Then I'll just buy more.
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Maffetone is wrong in that you can't ignore variations in max heart rate. My MHR is 20 beats higher than aaverage for my age. Not only is his target of 130's too low. I'm pretty damm sure 140's is too low for me. And just look at him. Thick through the middle. Doesn't even look like he exercises. His example of a successful athlete is an ultra runner. Perhaps if running far beyond 100 mpw, combined with having a typical MHR, while not needing any speed for your competitions, than his ideas work OK. But otherwise no.
At 130's I was running well under 5mph. At 140's I was 5.4 to 5.0 usually. In the 150's I'm 6.3 for the first 30 minutes.
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I'm lonely. But there's no one out there. They don't exist. It's the last instant of "mankind". Soon though it will be spring.
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Grave of the Fireflies was not as good as The Plague Dogs. Nowhere near as depressing. Kind of sentimental IMO. And meh, just not all that. But still good.
Such unspeakable things happened long ago, that I think it left me desiring closer connections than.... I don't know.... I have anyway. I have my wife. I want more.
Had this story idea of person like in a concentration camp or something torturous who somehow develops some strange possibly pyschic connections with someone else. And possibly the other person is in a similar situation. Or is just thoughtful enough to want such a connection? Does anyone else desire such close connections?
Perhaps that lady from Orkney did in a sort of way. Maybe. I don't know. Too bad about all those drugs.
In the story it is like telepathy, perhaps just late at night, for some small time period, or I don't know, while on the edge of sleep.
Closer connections than perhaps anyone has. Women are closer to one another. It's their specialization to stop the tribe from disintegrating. So they yammer on and on about this and that. I don't think they do exactly what it is I want. (And I want it less than I did. Gradually less, with some waxing and waning. Waxing at the moment.) They talk about useless stuff far too much. Instead of the "big stuff" going on about some long story with all kinds of minutae(sp) of detail that just doesn't matter.
Still. Still it can be nice, to listen to them yammer on. Just listen to the pretty sounds, while only barely paying attention. My office mate going on and on about paying taxes for example. I enjoy her very much. Feel very very lucky to share an office with her.
-----
Got my fig tree and grapevines. Put fig tree by metal halide light. Put vines outside, dug in temporarily. Won't be surprised if they die. Then I'll just buy more.
-----
Maffetone is wrong in that you can't ignore variations in max heart rate. My MHR is 20 beats higher than aaverage for my age. Not only is his target of 130's too low. I'm pretty damm sure 140's is too low for me. And just look at him. Thick through the middle. Doesn't even look like he exercises. His example of a successful athlete is an ultra runner. Perhaps if running far beyond 100 mpw, combined with having a typical MHR, while not needing any speed for your competitions, than his ideas work OK. But otherwise no.
At 130's I was running well under 5mph. At 140's I was 5.4 to 5.0 usually. In the 150's I'm 6.3 for the first 30 minutes.
-----
I'm lonely. But there's no one out there. They don't exist. It's the last instant of "mankind". Soon though it will be spring.
-----
Grave of the Fireflies was not as good as The Plague Dogs. Nowhere near as depressing. Kind of sentimental IMO. And meh, just not all that. But still good.
Monday, February 18, 2013
That other relates back to SP's Glass Houses. The red plain. He must be doing something there. I suppose he's trying to not starve to death or get killed. He's not human. Anymore. But what is he? Must imagine the worst possible things. Giant spiders and so on. He was willing to do things to survive that most wouldn't do. Most wouldn't because there are worse things than death.
But for some reason, he feels he must continue no matter what. He imagines(?) a god that wants him dead.
Is this tied into the ghost that is trying to return?
But for some reason, he feels he must continue no matter what. He imagines(?) a god that wants him dead.
Is this tied into the ghost that is trying to return?
Saturday, February 16, 2013
I liked The Light is the Darkness by Laird Barron. The hero is like Rourke's character from Sin City yet with a much greater ace up his sleeve. The Croning was good for the Lovecraftian horror although not much really happened. Felt very padded. The Occultation had some stories that I thought descended towards the Stephen King level. Which isn't my thing, haven't finished it.
Thomas Ligotti's Songs of a Dead Dreamer had one story that hit too close to home. Smart guy. But don't care for the style of it. May not finish it most likely.
Loved The Plague Dogs movie off youtube (based on Richard Adams story). That last scene is the invention of religion/mysticism IMO. Unfortunate to hear he also had an alternative happy ending. But whatever. How I cried. Need to read more of him. Never finished Maia.
Stories I want to write:
A ghost, I suppose, invisible I guess. Such pain that like the chronic pain sufferers he's sort of zombiefied. And he's trying to return to the world. By some painstaking difficult process.
Damm, what was that other...............It has come and gone so many times.....
Thomas Ligotti's Songs of a Dead Dreamer had one story that hit too close to home. Smart guy. But don't care for the style of it. May not finish it most likely.
Loved The Plague Dogs movie off youtube (based on Richard Adams story). That last scene is the invention of religion/mysticism IMO. Unfortunate to hear he also had an alternative happy ending. But whatever. How I cried. Need to read more of him. Never finished Maia.
Stories I want to write:
A ghost, I suppose, invisible I guess. Such pain that like the chronic pain sufferers he's sort of zombiefied. And he's trying to return to the world. By some painstaking difficult process.
Damm, what was that other...............It has come and gone so many times.....
I suspect running for 9 or more hours a week may have a benefit far beyond running, thus trying to do so, though it's boring. Did 49 miles last week on treadmill. Not sure my knee will hold up. Trying to keep legs slightly bent yet still with a short stride. In around 2 weeks I seem to have improved about 0.5 mph. Did 5.4 mph for 58 minutes on Thursday (to begin with). Some days I take a step back, some days I really jump forward. Wonder how much slight dehydration plays a role in my heart rate.
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
So I ran for two hours sat, sun, mon then 1 hour today. This with the HRM. On sat at 140 or lower. Since then at 150 or lower, as my MHR is 200 as opposed to the average of 180 for my age. So far seems I've only gotten worse. On mon ended all the way down at 3.8mph. Today only did an hour and right at the end had to slow down to 4.6, which is worse than I was doing a week ago, although still did 4.9 miles in a hour. So, OK, shall do this for a month at the very very least. Probably longer. Ultimately all that mileage has got to do something, right? Right?
Under 150 is so easy I could run for two hours everyday, if I wasn't married.
Certainly a great way to kill time. At 6'5", despite being near vegan, I'm surely halfway to nowhere, and the last two years have certainly gone by much more smoothly.
Supposedly in shape people can run at their "aerobic heart rate" only slightly slower than when going all out. Perhaps being a much larger guy makes my aerobic heart rate speed so ridiculously slow. Hopefully things will improve. We'll see. Me and my relatively harmless and undemanding imaginary eyes.
Under 150 is so easy I could run for two hours everyday, if I wasn't married.
Certainly a great way to kill time. At 6'5", despite being near vegan, I'm surely halfway to nowhere, and the last two years have certainly gone by much more smoothly.
Supposedly in shape people can run at their "aerobic heart rate" only slightly slower than when going all out. Perhaps being a much larger guy makes my aerobic heart rate speed so ridiculously slow. Hopefully things will improve. We'll see. Me and my relatively harmless and undemanding imaginary eyes.
Religion is about purposely being illogical because the alternative (if you think about it) is too awful. Atheism is about not actually thinking about the alternative. Which is that you're going to cease to exist and therefore everything you do is futile; a truth that one can't actually face and go on living. All "atheists" are actually quite mystical in their thinking, on a subconscious level, just the same as theists.
Life is a predicament. There is no way to exist that isn't illogical. The thing to do is minimize the illogic. So what is more illogical: ignoring the futility of existence, or making up a fairytale so that life isn't futile?
Is ignoring things and stuffing your mysticism solely down into your subconscious less illogical than making stuff up?
The goal is to be happy without harming others. Organized religion has caused a lot of harm. But atheism can lead to nihilism. Seems the key to being "atheist" and not depressed is staying "reactionary", always remembering those theists and how you're better than them, instead of actually really thinking about how futile and basically horrific things actually are. Thinking instead about how strong you are and able to face the truth unlike those weak theists. IOW, just thinking about you versus them as opposed to just ignoring them and actually really thinking about all the suffering, the banality, the absurdity and utter pointlessness of your fleeting existence.
Life is a predicament. There is no way to exist that isn't illogical. The thing to do is minimize the illogic. So what is more illogical: ignoring the futility of existence, or making up a fairytale so that life isn't futile?
Is ignoring things and stuffing your mysticism solely down into your subconscious less illogical than making stuff up?
The goal is to be happy without harming others. Organized religion has caused a lot of harm. But atheism can lead to nihilism. Seems the key to being "atheist" and not depressed is staying "reactionary", always remembering those theists and how you're better than them, instead of actually really thinking about how futile and basically horrific things actually are. Thinking instead about how strong you are and able to face the truth unlike those weak theists. IOW, just thinking about you versus them as opposed to just ignoring them and actually really thinking about all the suffering, the banality, the absurdity and utter pointlessness of your fleeting existence.
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