I guess it's a horrible thing going through life needing to try to forget most of your life. It's certainly no wonder people with "depression" are more likely to get altzeimers(sp). It's all the practice perhaps, supposing it isn't mostly really the result of diet...
J says remember when you used to put your gloves in the oven before going out when you lived in Minnesota? No, I don't remember that at all. Tried to forget Minnesota. Horrible, awful time. Nothing worth remembering while I was there.... Horrific time.
I wish I could twist it somehow so that I could remember it in some way. No idea how... As what is the point of a life you want to forget? A life where one forgets what they did is a futile life. So what is a life where one wishes they could forget?
I've forgotten how to post a youtube but these music plays forever in my memory of Minnesota. At least until I forget forever. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wy3R12BxD-g
Futile pain.
J asked me what I was writing. I said you don't want to know. But she insisted. So I read it. Then asked her if she was happy I read it to her. She says she's already in the dumps so I can't bring her down any lower.
This Molson tastes really good tonight. So... "cold". Not in the normal sense. Hard to explain what is meant about it being cold.
Other day I decided to quit drinking alchohol in social situations because I feel like I just sit there in a stupor (even off one drink). Prefer to drink when alone or just with J. Normally people become more relaxed when they drink and thus talk more. In a social setting, I realize I'm poisoning myself and becoming stupider and I tense up. So I decide I'm not going to drink in social settings, then the very next night go do D's house and meet a bunch of people and quickly decide aw what the hell and go ahead and drink 3 beers anyway. (Miller Lite). And this effect has been having doesn't happen, even though it happened over and over and over again previously.
As soon as I took steps to stop it, it immediately would not happen anyway. Some kind of reverse psychology with my unconscious I thought at the time. Now I've had half a Molson though, and don't quite feel up to analyzing it. And simultaneously don't care to think so much about some other things, which happen to be very negative. Success.
How does one reremember hell though.
Saw Django Unchained and thought it excellent. Not really a Tarantino fan either. The critics either seem to love it or hate it. The sociology of slavery fascinates me. And the kick ass hero is essentially what the guilty pleasure of fantasy fiction is all about. The humor to lighten what is otherwise INCREDIBLY depressing works so well here also.
