Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Insomnia from yesterday's exercise. Not sure what exactly though. Possibly from doing the situps as fast as possible. Didn't fall asleep until 5AM. And was supposed to get up at 5:15AM to work until usually 8:15PM. Called off. 4th call off. Can't call off again for next 9 months, or I'm blocked from transferring. Not usually an issue, but I have applied for an unique research position. With my insomnia issues a normal 8 hour a day job would be better for me. And research is a better fit, etc.
How ridiculous that simply switching to doing a set of situps faster would result in such insomnia. In the future I simply can't do any strengthening exercises if I have to work the next day. Or on rare occasions I could then take something to help me sleep.
I laid there, not feeling particularly bad. But just with stuff firing in my brain. Feeling my heartbeat, etc. Like my insides were moving, moving, moving, outside of my control. Sleep was impossible. Finally called off and just read a book until I finally felt sleepy at 5AM. Slept from 5 till 10. Now I sit here feeling like I've done something wrong. Like I've been bad. (sigh). What the hell though? Who can't fall asleep until 5AM because they did a sit of setups at about 2pm?
If only my work days weren't 15 hours long, taking care of critically sick people.
On the plus side, my manuscript finally got accepted. To be published almost two years from now. Making it a literature review with nothing from the most recent 3 years, which is stupid.
How ridiculous that simply switching to doing a set of situps faster would result in such insomnia. In the future I simply can't do any strengthening exercises if I have to work the next day. Or on rare occasions I could then take something to help me sleep.
I laid there, not feeling particularly bad. But just with stuff firing in my brain. Feeling my heartbeat, etc. Like my insides were moving, moving, moving, outside of my control. Sleep was impossible. Finally called off and just read a book until I finally felt sleepy at 5AM. Slept from 5 till 10. Now I sit here feeling like I've done something wrong. Like I've been bad. (sigh). What the hell though? Who can't fall asleep until 5AM because they did a sit of setups at about 2pm?
If only my work days weren't 15 hours long, taking care of critically sick people.
On the plus side, my manuscript finally got accepted. To be published almost two years from now. Making it a literature review with nothing from the most recent 3 years, which is stupid.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Started exercise bike last monday. Tried it a second time on Wednesday. Crashed and burned on Friday run. Perhaps in part becuase not used to hitting legs three times a week. But then, perhaps also because it was just slower continuous biking for 40 minutes.
Friday run was 4/2 for 10 miles in 93:40. Previous was 92:20. Felt awful rest of Friday and into Saturday. Pullups on Friday were a half effort. Just did 9.
This Monday got back down to a 92:44. Then 2/2's on bike. Trying to go fast to teach my body to move faster. Just did 4 first time. Then overhead press-19. Dips 16. Although they hurt more. And a fast set of sit-ups. 35 done as fast as possible. Again, teach body to move fast. Arms at side.
Friday run was 4/2 for 10 miles in 93:40. Previous was 92:20. Felt awful rest of Friday and into Saturday. Pullups on Friday were a half effort. Just did 9.
This Monday got back down to a 92:44. Then 2/2's on bike. Trying to go fast to teach my body to move faster. Just did 4 first time. Then overhead press-19. Dips 16. Although they hurt more. And a fast set of sit-ups. 35 done as fast as possible. Again, teach body to move fast. Arms at side.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
The wine I made was a fail. Possibly the wrong kind of grapes. Also the grow lamp was a fail.
Listening to the music I wrote. 142 "songs", roughly 8 hours worth. Ahhh, the incredible injustice of it all. But then I also worked my butt off for a decade in college just to have my career destroyed. And far worse than that has happened. To me, that is. That which can't be described for example.
It's nothing new. Has happened to millions. Billions. More.
It's a coping mechanicsm that works except for making nothing at all matter.
The wine though appears to not have had enough grapes in it. Also knats managed to get in it. I'll have to try again. Although I'm unfortunately a teetotaler currently, so there's no hurry.
Listening to the music I wrote. 142 "songs", roughly 8 hours worth. Ahhh, the incredible injustice of it all. But then I also worked my butt off for a decade in college just to have my career destroyed. And far worse than that has happened. To me, that is. That which can't be described for example.
It's nothing new. Has happened to millions. Billions. More.
It's a coping mechanicsm that works except for making nothing at all matter.
The wine though appears to not have had enough grapes in it. Also knats managed to get in it. I'll have to try again. Although I'm unfortunately a teetotaler currently, so there's no hurry.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Well into The Blade Itself by Abercrombie. Somehow it's not too dark despite having a main character who's a torturer and whom is in such physical agony he hardly cares if he lives or dies himself. Somehow it's a good book. Just a little bit of magic. Magic is more of an ace up the sleeve of Bayaz that's rarely used. Logen also has his fighting skills ace. It's a pleasant book.
Lately I've spent a lot of time playing Oblivion: Sky Rim. It's the music that does it for me. I was really into the previous game too, although I eventually lost interest. It's quite the time suck and there's quite a bit of repetition just under the surface if you're looking for it. I'm trying to not look for it. Nice music. A silly thing to do though. Spending whole days recently by the fire playing this game. But in the last 20 years I've only played a couple Zelda and Oblivion games, so ultimately not really spending that much time on it. Will move on soon enough and probably not touch a video game for another year or two.
Lately I've spent a lot of time playing Oblivion: Sky Rim. It's the music that does it for me. I was really into the previous game too, although I eventually lost interest. It's quite the time suck and there's quite a bit of repetition just under the surface if you're looking for it. I'm trying to not look for it. Nice music. A silly thing to do though. Spending whole days recently by the fire playing this game. But in the last 20 years I've only played a couple Zelda and Oblivion games, so ultimately not really spending that much time on it. Will move on soon enough and probably not touch a video game for another year or two.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Overhead presses, Standing 13,15,17. Seated 15, 18 (70bls)
Dips 6, 9, 12, 14
Added set up situps (20 today with hands behind head) and exercise bike. Back when I last got down to 3:02 for half a mile I was working hard on the exercise bike. Now I'm well short of that speed.
Today 4/2 for 10 miles in 92:20. First mile I was 10 seconds slower in 3:40 (pitiful), at 3 miles I was 30 seconds slower. At 6 miles I was only 15 seconds slower. At 7 miles I was 5 seconds faster and at 10 I finished 38 seconds faster. I wasn't trying to pace myself better. My body just did so on it's own.
Dips 6, 9, 12, 14
Added set up situps (20 today with hands behind head) and exercise bike. Back when I last got down to 3:02 for half a mile I was working hard on the exercise bike. Now I'm well short of that speed.
Today 4/2 for 10 miles in 92:20. First mile I was 10 seconds slower in 3:40 (pitiful), at 3 miles I was 30 seconds slower. At 6 miles I was only 15 seconds slower. At 7 miles I was 5 seconds faster and at 10 I finished 38 seconds faster. I wasn't trying to pace myself better. My body just did so on it's own.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
So in roughly November I did 2/2's for 12 miles twice a week and lasted a month before my right knee really started hurting. (And my back after laying down for 4 or so hours.) Ran slower for a couple months then over the last 3 or so weeks did 2:30/2:00's for 10 miles twice a week. Despite being a lot more carefuul, my right knee is again hurting. Far, far less than last time, but I can see where this is going. Also my back could feel better, same issue with it bothering me with sleep, although much less so.
Seems I need to slow down a bit more and what I'm hoping is that I just need to run more aerobically/less anerobically. Less torso twisting, less arm swinging. So today did a 4/2 for 10 miles in 92:58. There's this good feeling one can get from running, which doesn't start to kick in apparently until you've run for at least 4 minutes stretches. Felt it just a little for the first time in a long time.
Seems I need to slow down a bit more and what I'm hoping is that I just need to run more aerobically/less anerobically. Less torso twisting, less arm swinging. So today did a 4/2 for 10 miles in 92:58. There's this good feeling one can get from running, which doesn't start to kick in apparently until you've run for at least 4 minutes stretches. Felt it just a little for the first time in a long time.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Finished Carrion Comfort by Dan Simmons and have nothing additional to say. All in all, definitely not as good as a fantasy ficiton book. With the modern setting it's just fiction, not fantasy fiction, no matter these creatures with their Ability. The creatures aren't really interesting anyway. And there's no mystery.
The Blade Itself (Book one) by Joe Abercrombie
Like the sample. Told from the point of view (first person-good) of a torturer, who's in the middle of torturing someone. What is it about torture that's so nice to read about? Have I ever read a book with torture in it that I didn't like? Geez.
I should make a list of all the books I've read that had torture in it, that I liked. I should probably put a torture scene in the book I'm "writing".
Off the top of my head, Hobb's Farseer, etc series, Vance's emphryio, Leiber's Grey Mouser, Abercrombie's Blade Itself.... eh. It's there over and over again but it's strange how little a lasting impression, something so ghastly leaves. I've surely forgotten it over and over again. Drizzt and Brent Weeks must have surely had it...
The Blade Itself (Book one) by Joe Abercrombie
Like the sample. Told from the point of view (first person-good) of a torturer, who's in the middle of torturing someone. What is it about torture that's so nice to read about? Have I ever read a book with torture in it that I didn't like? Geez.
I should make a list of all the books I've read that had torture in it, that I liked. I should probably put a torture scene in the book I'm "writing".
Off the top of my head, Hobb's Farseer, etc series, Vance's emphryio, Leiber's Grey Mouser, Abercrombie's Blade Itself.... eh. It's there over and over again but it's strange how little a lasting impression, something so ghastly leaves. I've surely forgotten it over and over again. Drizzt and Brent Weeks must have surely had it...
Some changes:
The greatest absurdity of our age is that we have a news media that is entirely owned by billionaires. To increase the diversity of opinions, we should have some organizations that are funded by tax dollars that are supposed to be "biased" in different directions than the corporate media. The main result of this would be that to some extent we'd go in a socialist direction. More laws regulating business, more worker protections, shorter work hours, less pollution, actual unions, protectionism at times, more breaking up of monopolies, greatly increase taxes, etc.
Additionally:
1. Laws to give us some actual communities. For example, make it such that people can't spend all day in their car, instead put things within walking distance. In general, just actually think about the concept of community and make laws that will increase the amount of interaction we have with the people who actually live around us. Currently we have isolation, little reason to interact, and not much reason at all to give a crap about others. Greatly decreasing our use of cars is also important to reduce our dependency on the oil of slave dictatorships, and to reduce pollution.
2. Universal health care and close down the slow suicide restaurants. Regulate the food industry much closer. For example, make trans fat illegal, better investigation of plastics leaching into foods/liquids, etc.
3. Actually regulate the pharmaceutical industry. No new drugs unless they actually are shown to be beneficial. Regulate their excessive profits also. Possibly just nationalize the whole industry.
4. Quit the subsidies that have artificially deflated the cost of meat. Also get rid of factory farming conditions, (the crowding, the routine hormones and antibiotics, etc.)
5. The truth will be learned about imperialism and it will be stopped. Whether it be by the structural adjustment programs/austerity measures of the international monetary fund/world bank or the CIA funneling weapons, etc to rightwing factions. Such will be stopped. As will support of any dictatorships.
6. Quit being friendly with nations that treat women like cattle. Instead economic sanctions, and probably more.
7. Regulation of reproduction. You've got dumbasses who have 6 welfare kids and apparently the only alternative is a majority that tries to stop the eccentric from having any. No, it is actually possible to do something inbetween these two absurd extremes. It may piss people off, but you can have chaos or you can have civilization. Laws are the basis of civilization. Without laws you have chaos. The ultimate result of chaos is a moon landscape. If instead you want civilization, quit acting like a child who doesn't want to go to bed every time you hear of a law you don't want to obey.
8. Get rid of the one size fits all approach in education. For each subject you instead go at whatever pace fits the child. Get teachers who have actual degrees in real subjects, not just "teaching degrees". Give them more money and raise the standards of who can be a teacher. And then, give them more power. Make school something other than a holding pen. Fail more children. More discipline of children. Less fear of the backlash from the parent who is usually as big a dumbass as their stupid, rude child.
9. Nationalize college. Make it free and not for profit. And make less of it. Too many people are going to college. Instead more vocational schools training you for a very specific job where the job is all lined up for you, provided you finish the schooling. College has become too much of a big business. Too many unemployed people have degrees and owe tens of thousands in college loans.
10.
The greatest absurdity of our age is that we have a news media that is entirely owned by billionaires. To increase the diversity of opinions, we should have some organizations that are funded by tax dollars that are supposed to be "biased" in different directions than the corporate media. The main result of this would be that to some extent we'd go in a socialist direction. More laws regulating business, more worker protections, shorter work hours, less pollution, actual unions, protectionism at times, more breaking up of monopolies, greatly increase taxes, etc.
Additionally:
1. Laws to give us some actual communities. For example, make it such that people can't spend all day in their car, instead put things within walking distance. In general, just actually think about the concept of community and make laws that will increase the amount of interaction we have with the people who actually live around us. Currently we have isolation, little reason to interact, and not much reason at all to give a crap about others. Greatly decreasing our use of cars is also important to reduce our dependency on the oil of slave dictatorships, and to reduce pollution.
2. Universal health care and close down the slow suicide restaurants. Regulate the food industry much closer. For example, make trans fat illegal, better investigation of plastics leaching into foods/liquids, etc.
3. Actually regulate the pharmaceutical industry. No new drugs unless they actually are shown to be beneficial. Regulate their excessive profits also. Possibly just nationalize the whole industry.
4. Quit the subsidies that have artificially deflated the cost of meat. Also get rid of factory farming conditions, (the crowding, the routine hormones and antibiotics, etc.)
5. The truth will be learned about imperialism and it will be stopped. Whether it be by the structural adjustment programs/austerity measures of the international monetary fund/world bank or the CIA funneling weapons, etc to rightwing factions. Such will be stopped. As will support of any dictatorships.
6. Quit being friendly with nations that treat women like cattle. Instead economic sanctions, and probably more.
7. Regulation of reproduction. You've got dumbasses who have 6 welfare kids and apparently the only alternative is a majority that tries to stop the eccentric from having any. No, it is actually possible to do something inbetween these two absurd extremes. It may piss people off, but you can have chaos or you can have civilization. Laws are the basis of civilization. Without laws you have chaos. The ultimate result of chaos is a moon landscape. If instead you want civilization, quit acting like a child who doesn't want to go to bed every time you hear of a law you don't want to obey.
8. Get rid of the one size fits all approach in education. For each subject you instead go at whatever pace fits the child. Get teachers who have actual degrees in real subjects, not just "teaching degrees". Give them more money and raise the standards of who can be a teacher. And then, give them more power. Make school something other than a holding pen. Fail more children. More discipline of children. Less fear of the backlash from the parent who is usually as big a dumbass as their stupid, rude child.
9. Nationalize college. Make it free and not for profit. And make less of it. Too many people are going to college. Instead more vocational schools training you for a very specific job where the job is all lined up for you, provided you finish the schooling. College has become too much of a big business. Too many unemployed people have degrees and owe tens of thousands in college loans.
10.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Carrion Comfort by Dan Simmons
Called one of the three best/scariest? books ever by Steven King. It's a long book and a page turner. Not perfect. He doesn't set a scene like King would. At times it has impressive character insights/detail. In particular when in the mind of Melanie Fuller. And she is rather chilling. Hard to know what to say really. 75% in. The FBI action scenes are a bit drawn out. In general the whole thing is starting to feel a bit drawn out. Long books should have a certain decadent feel to them. Dan Simmons ultimately just doesn't come across like a very decadent guy. Not like Steven King at times, or Anne Rice could manage. This ultimately doesn't have quite the feel to warrant it just going on and on. It's not that fun being in the hero's skin. The setting isn't escapist or nostalgic. It is a page turner though. Still, I think that alone doesn't warrant it going on and on like it's doing.
Called a vampire book on that best fantasy books list site. I wouldn't call it that. The important thing to me for being a vampire is virtual immortality. These creatures only maybe live a little bit longer than the norm. Or at least that's what appears to be the case as of 75% in. Although Fuller is suspecting otherwise, but she's perhaps just crazy.
Called one of the three best/scariest? books ever by Steven King. It's a long book and a page turner. Not perfect. He doesn't set a scene like King would. At times it has impressive character insights/detail. In particular when in the mind of Melanie Fuller. And she is rather chilling. Hard to know what to say really. 75% in. The FBI action scenes are a bit drawn out. In general the whole thing is starting to feel a bit drawn out. Long books should have a certain decadent feel to them. Dan Simmons ultimately just doesn't come across like a very decadent guy. Not like Steven King at times, or Anne Rice could manage. This ultimately doesn't have quite the feel to warrant it just going on and on. It's not that fun being in the hero's skin. The setting isn't escapist or nostalgic. It is a page turner though. Still, I think that alone doesn't warrant it going on and on like it's doing.
Called a vampire book on that best fantasy books list site. I wouldn't call it that. The important thing to me for being a vampire is virtual immortality. These creatures only maybe live a little bit longer than the norm. Or at least that's what appears to be the case as of 75% in. Although Fuller is suspecting otherwise, but she's perhaps just crazy.
My ten mile 2:30/2:00 twice a week interval run: 99:50, 98:40, 96:00. Wasn't expecting such an improvement. Once a week overhead presses (70lbs) followed by dips, then three days later pullups and shrugs. 13, 15, 17 (but bothers my back a bit, will try doing them seated) 6, 9 (dips). 6, 8, 9 (pullups). Just 120 lbs for the shrugs yesterday and feeling it in my back a bit today during run. Will do the same next week though as I ought to get the back strength back at least to handle that much weight.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
What does my god bid me to do? Must I be strong. Must I continuously earn your conditional love?
There are many gods. Mine likes me much more than you. Others certainly hate me and perhaps are more powerful. But I, we, bide our time, to another world perhaps. But, here matters still, as things are far more continuous than many realize...
That they may ridicule means nothing. Because I ridicule them in return.
Lucia Di Lammermoor played very loud in the car. Broccoli for dinner.
I am special. I matter. Because my god loves me conditionally. He loves me, but not you.
Invent this, to continue on. Conscious mysticism. Whatever. Perhaps a mirror of me, that's really really big! A picture of power, that's on my side. That cares about me. That gives life some sort of vague reason. What reason? Ultimately the same as even a self proclaimed atheist would have.
There are many gods. Mine likes me much more than you. Others certainly hate me and perhaps are more powerful. But I, we, bide our time, to another world perhaps. But, here matters still, as things are far more continuous than many realize...
That they may ridicule means nothing. Because I ridicule them in return.
Lucia Di Lammermoor played very loud in the car. Broccoli for dinner.
I am special. I matter. Because my god loves me conditionally. He loves me, but not you.
Invent this, to continue on. Conscious mysticism. Whatever. Perhaps a mirror of me, that's really really big! A picture of power, that's on my side. That cares about me. That gives life some sort of vague reason. What reason? Ultimately the same as even a self proclaimed atheist would have.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Thought about dying a hell of a lot today. The whole low sperm thing seems to have upset me a bit. And/or having to give up alcohol, and eating fish. Yuch. Dunno. Thought about death too much. What more does this life hold for me between here and death anyway? Possibly not much of anything. I know it's coming eventually. Something quite bad's going to happen eventually. (sigh) Although I can think of worse things than dying.
Also somewhat unhappy with research meeting today. I find it reassuring to think my bosses intelligent. Not reassured so much today.
But then turned happy this evening. For no good reason. Perhaps because there was some actual sun today and it shown upon me. Who knows? My unconscious knows. Do I really want to know? I guess not. Everything would unravel then. Just thinking about it makes me want to have a beer. Not as some stereotype, but actually really wanting to go have (a couple) beers. But I can't.
All this beer and wine I've been brewing and now I can't drink it.
Also somewhat unhappy with research meeting today. I find it reassuring to think my bosses intelligent. Not reassured so much today.
But then turned happy this evening. For no good reason. Perhaps because there was some actual sun today and it shown upon me. Who knows? My unconscious knows. Do I really want to know? I guess not. Everything would unravel then. Just thinking about it makes me want to have a beer. Not as some stereotype, but actually really wanting to go have (a couple) beers. But I can't.
All this beer and wine I've been brewing and now I can't drink it.
Swords and Deviltry by Fritz Leiber
Called a short story collection but that's not really true. Follows Fafhrd and the Grey Mouser before they meet. Skips very slighty over when they first reach Lankhmar then continues with the two hero's together. Good book.
Has a torture scene. (Why are those always the best books?) The Grey Mouser being tortured by the duke. Through black magic he survives/escapes. The two hero's are basically interesting. Fafhrd escaping a barbaric upbringing through some intelligence. Both though are slighty stupid but in a fun way. Almost just fun and lighthearted, except that main characters do actually die gruesome deaths.
Eh. Think I'll continue with the 7 book series.
Not in first person. (But how could that work anyway with two equally prominent main characters whom are together?) The Grey Mouser at least sort of has an ace up his sleeve. Or at least one hopes/expects. Ultimately though they just get lucky in book one. One would like to think the Grey Mouser will become a great wizard. And that Fafhrd will develop some ninjawhatever abilities. They do suffer injustice. The Grey Mouser more so, but both to an extent.
Not entirely devoid of deeper thoughts. The particulars of Fafhrd's dystopian upbringing are somewhat interesting.
Called a short story collection but that's not really true. Follows Fafhrd and the Grey Mouser before they meet. Skips very slighty over when they first reach Lankhmar then continues with the two hero's together. Good book.
Has a torture scene. (Why are those always the best books?) The Grey Mouser being tortured by the duke. Through black magic he survives/escapes. The two hero's are basically interesting. Fafhrd escaping a barbaric upbringing through some intelligence. Both though are slighty stupid but in a fun way. Almost just fun and lighthearted, except that main characters do actually die gruesome deaths.
Eh. Think I'll continue with the 7 book series.
Not in first person. (But how could that work anyway with two equally prominent main characters whom are together?) The Grey Mouser at least sort of has an ace up his sleeve. Or at least one hopes/expects. Ultimately though they just get lucky in book one. One would like to think the Grey Mouser will become a great wizard. And that Fafhrd will develop some ninjawhatever abilities. They do suffer injustice. The Grey Mouser more so, but both to an extent.
Not entirely devoid of deeper thoughts. The particulars of Fafhrd's dystopian upbringing are somewhat interesting.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Ten months ago I had a semen analysis where I was told that things were somewhat abnormal but basically OK. Two days ago a new doctor actually told me the truth of that semen analysis. By the Kruger criteria I'm at 1%, which is a poor prognosis. I'm quite annoyed I was lied to. For a good part of the last ten months my wife has been talking fertility drugs while I've been doing nothing. Yet now that I know I'm only 1% I've read online of many things I could have been doing to possibly improve the situation. I read of one person who went from 1 to 22%. How incredibly annoying.
So along with supplements, boxers, teetotaling and avoiding high estrogen foods, I'm going to eat fish. I know that women vegans start menarche later and enter menopause sooner. I suspect men have similar issues. Generally the longer lived for any species, the less energy put into reproducing. I'm not happy about it. But for a while at least, it's what I'm going to do.
If still unsuccessful, think I'll adopt older children. Old enough that I know who they are. My own father was/is? a monster. I could potentially have monster children. If I instead adopt a ten to 12 year old I can avoid that.
So along with supplements, boxers, teetotaling and avoiding high estrogen foods, I'm going to eat fish. I know that women vegans start menarche later and enter menopause sooner. I suspect men have similar issues. Generally the longer lived for any species, the less energy put into reproducing. I'm not happy about it. But for a while at least, it's what I'm going to do.
If still unsuccessful, think I'll adopt older children. Old enough that I know who they are. My own father was/is? a monster. I could potentially have monster children. If I instead adopt a ten to 12 year old I can avoid that.
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