Read the Sorcerer's House, The Fifth Head of Cereberus and Peace by Gene Wolfe. Looks like I'm working through all his books. Not sure I entirely approve of how he conceals things from the reader through his unreliable narrators. But I do love a lot that he does.

Peace I guess starts with the guy dying. Though you don't realize it. The rest is him as a ghost. I guess he killed this woman that he really liked. I think she pulled a gun on him concerning a non-existent treasure. And he ended up killing her. Except there really was a treasure I guess. Though that's far far from clear.

Fifth Head is very dark. Maddening how a few clues are thrown in. I guess the alien takes over his body. But I'm think the alien doesn't even know he has done so? Anyway they perhaps realize this? Or do they still think the aliens have gone extinct? I don't know.

Sorcerer's House was relatively light hearted by comparison. I'm not sure if Emlyn and (Yinyan) are a different set of twins of George and Bax when younger...???? No. Maybe an alternate reality. May have to look that one up.

So much crap. So changed a bunch of things again. Added weight to racquet. Back over 12 ounces for the Wilson Hammer System. Strung mains at 48/49 and crosses at 44/48. Trying to keep arm pretty straight on serve. Not serving very good. Now hitting backhand with Santoro grip. But also hitting a lot of backhand slice with same two hand grip. And forehand slice two hand like Santoro. Same grip. But then finally a lot of one hand forehand with western grip.

Rode bike all the way from Fairmont to Morgantown. 23 miles. I'm an idiot though and did it while thinking my bike was a 7 speed. When it's actually a 21 speed. So I was spinning those pedals and only doing 6 minutes miles, lol. I am a very stupid man.

This biking though is really improving my tennis. Really strengthened my legs. Not getting so tired now. Not at all. Beat Qasim 6-4, 6-2 tonight. Wore him down a bit. Even though my 1HFH fell apart it was good to begin and got ragged. Started open my shoulders too soon. Not in sync with racquet swing I think. Serve really nothing special either but ultimately I was still playing pretty good. Doing all the little things. Getting into position better for shots. Not hitting stupid errors on my backhand, etc.

Biking is hugely important to playing good tennis. Took me many years to figure that out. I'm not terribly intelligent. Provided I'm not comparing myself to others.

Arm I worry is close to hurting. Possibly trying to bend my elbow more on the serve. Perhaps leaning on handlebars....

Played in 4? USTA tournaments. This last one I lost in the first round but to a very good player. My main issue with my play was I had such a wimpy serve. That's why I've added weight back to the racquet. Although not making a meaningful difference I think. Also had local annual league tournament. Lost in semifinals to Cooke who is increasingly a bit of an ass. "Catty" is the word that comes to mind. Played in doubles final with Chang. He's 66. He really enjoyed it. Lost 8-6 in finals. He had fun. It was OK I guess. Though my serve fell apart at end and got broke.

They eat and kill each other. It's a short brutal existence for humanoids. I have not seen them eat anything but each other. Which should mean they should die out... Yet their number does not decrease. There is abundant fruit here. Dragonfruit mainly. I'm not sure how long a diet of just fruit is good for me but I actually feel quite good on it. I observe from a safe distance. They have chased me a few times. But I very easily outdistanced them. I just worry about ambush or being caught at night.

So I sleep high on the edge of what I call the streamfall. They never come near it. It's loud but not exactly to the ears. I found that when I was running from them. They repeatedly stopped chasing as I neared it. So I found a crevice high up the side of it. There I could kick anyone who tried to follow; though no one comes anywhere near that close. They won't come anywhere near it. It's deafening but in a nice way somehow. It soothes me. I hear the screams of everything in it.

I'm taller. Bigger then them. Could probably win easily in a one on one fight. They aren't much for cooperation.

I eat my fruit. There's nothing else though to do here. I'm so lonely.

So it's been for a long time now and I guess I shall go exploring. There are areas where instead of a reddish tinge to the air, it's more of a thick red fog. I can explore in those directions. But I could be ambushed. I could come upon something I can't outrun.

I suppose I have an exoskeleton. This means I'm like an insect. And that is horrible to me. It's nice to touch your skin and have it yield. Mine doesn't. I'm solid. My face is solid as stone.

I always hated spiders. But I'm bipedal. Not like a spider at all. It's all those legs in a circle around a center that bothered me greatly. Never minded centipedes. Liked crickets and grasshoppers. And my face is like a human face. Everything in the usual place. A nose. A mouth and so on. I can speak. I chew and swallow. I speak and can sing. But no facial expressions. And I feel as if my emotions are not what they should be.

I hum a lot though. I can't frown. But I can hum in a minor key.

In my past life I once loved stoicism. Then I came to not think much of it. This exoskeleton is a sort of stoicism. I feel strong. I'm a bit unemotional. I suspect I'll be just fine out in the red fog. Still I try to be cautious. From a distance I see humanoid creatures being eaten alive every day. This isn't Kansas.

I hum a tune from another world. Trying to hold on to what once was. Not that it was so great. I mainly think about the negatives. How badly I had been treated. In particular by T. Who I suppose I had loved. Though I never thought of it like that back then.

It had been a cold world without love. But from it I still remembered the idea. I remembered the music. I remembered I had loved.

And so now I tried to remember the music. And I tried to imagine a future where I found her and things were how they so easily could have been.

I don't really know what this body is capable of. I seem quite fast. Quite agile. And strong. At least when punching rocks it doesn't even hurt. But I don't know what's out there. I could just be a snack for something.

There is a swamp with a water plant. It was on Earth. Or something similar. Papyrus? Not certain the name. I remember the ancient Eyptians made paper with it. And there are berries to make a sort of ink with. And I write this account of my existence. Though I expect it will never be read.Or at least I will certainly never benefit from it.

As to no benefit I think there is a great beauty in doing something to benefit others where I will not benefit. I want to believe there will be others. I want to believe I'm a part of something. I want my existence to matter in some way. Even if I die before others benefit. I want to believe in a life after death.

B got married yesterday and that's great. Found a good guy. I was worried she never would. Only 60 came to the wedding. 105 RSVP'd. Which is incredibly rude IMO. 60 is precariously close to being a very negative thing considering the time and money that was put into the wedding. Makes me sick that such a good person has so few good friends. Like half that did come left right after the ceremony.

S, her sister, was there drinking heavily and having a great time, ignoring me. Two plus years and hasn't apologized oo even spoken to me. It bothers me. Not like it once did but, think it's just weird and so wrong. Hope to never be in the same room as her again. I guess. Though an apology would be better. But people never apologize. And she's a really fucked up person. She can't admit to a mistake. Highly misanthropic. Her speech was "uncomfortable". Has a way about her like Ellen DeGeneres and she was being "funny" but not really. Getting married after nine months isn't that big a deal.

Well anyway, there's just a dishonesty to it. Being there with her with nothing being said. I really dislike that. Hope to not see her again. Though.... I just don't understand why people would leave things like this.

Because they demonize. I just don't have it in me to think so little of others so easily so I can't seem to hold on to an understanding of it.

....just really upsetting because to be friends for 7 years and then be cut off without even speaking to them seems so evil. I understand she's a fucked up person. That's the sort I befriend. And this is the sort of thing then that I get for my doing so. She always had serious issues. I'm hardly missing out on anything. Just seeing her reminds me how fucked up a thing that is to do to someone. If only she was a drug addict I could just dismiss her. That at least I can dismiss and I suppose that's usually tied into such ugly behavior. But not in this case.

Perhaps she had the hots for me and she thinks this is better than admitting such things to a married man.

Just so wrong to cut someone off you've been friends with for almost a decade without even speaking to them. Sociopathic. And why why why is the world like this? Why are there so many people like this?

Trying to play a lot of tennis tournaments while I can. Played three so far and entered both open and 35's for all three. Maybe that's not entirely fair to enter both. Some tournaments won't let you. Anyway this last tournament I had to quit halfway through my 4th match of the day. I was close to passing out from the heat. I was getting confused. And I had drank close to a gallon of water. But I just couldn't get my body cool enough.

I guess I could have put more ice in the two half gallon mini coolers. The water was barely cool that I was drinking before my last match. I suppose in the future I could just lug a whole cooler around filled with ice and wrap a towel soaked in it over me too at the changeover...?

So I quit against someone I was far better than. And then two days later I played again and quit far sooner. I just can't drink enough water to keep up with how much I'm sweating. And my sweating isn't cooling me down enough. In the future I guess for one I will not enter both the open and 35s. Maybe not entirely far anyway. Though today I had to quit and it wasn't a tournament and I had only been playing for 70 minutes (45 of which were just doubles). Additionally I could just bring a whole cooler with a soaked towel. I guess.

And I guess I can do more running to hopefully get a little better at cooling down. But all this sweating.. it's a constant struggle to maintain adequate hydration day after day. Worried I will have a kidney stone attack as a result of getting dehydrated. Because I simply sweat faster than I can absorb more water.

I didn't used to have such issues. This is old I guess.

I'm winning more matches than I'm losing but the competition has not been very good. Have lost 4 matches. Once because of heat. And three times because of good players. A great pusher. An older guy with a great serve. And another guy who was just all around a good player. I needed to be more aggressive against him. In general I'm not aggressive like I once was. I like it going in every time. But I don't hit enough winners.