I had started reading the Gormenghast Novels two years ago but 100 pages in threw up on the book thus threw it away. Finally bought it again and enjoying it. In particular the poetry, which points to a change in me as I've never enjoyed poetry. Wanted to and figured not enjoying it pointed to some lack within me. I really don't know quite why I am now. Possibly tied into placing something mystical and/or panglossianist into the very english language, but just not sure. Am sure that in the past I dismissed poetry in large part because I felt the collection of noises and so on which symbolized given concepts was highly random and thus attempting to stream them together in a pretty manner was highly meaningless.

As to Gormenghast I'm curious to see to what extent it might follow the monomyth. Hope it does. Hope Steerpike is a hero. Scarlett Thomas' book says Campbell's monomyth is a load of bunk, really just the story of imperialism. I don't think I agree but it's an interesting thought.

In other news had a headache for 5 days triggered I think by carpet cleaner. Last thursday it got so bad I broke down and took a lortab. Felt great then. Laid in bed and had much pillow talk, thought about how wonderful wife is, how she's added a golden sheen to my life. In retrospect more like she's been a rock, foundation upon which I've..... eh. Words escape me. But at the time golden sheen was the way it seemed and that works also.
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Now my right knee is hurting. I think pain killers are bad for the joints, although also may depend on the type of course. But in the future I'll just try to handle the pain, even though I was starting to get nauseous it was getting so bad. Maybe just drink a couple glasses of wine. I don't know. But I'm really enjoying my running. Really enjoying running faster and very very much do not want to lose the ability to run.
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Lately enjoying playing the most simplistic songs on the cello. Simply enjoying the pure tones. Also finally learning vibrato. At the same time a bit annoyed at the slowness of progress, very much 3 steps forward and two back it seems. Feel like I have to spin my wheels in the mud very fast just to hold even at times. Feel a pressure to keep improving as a result of taking lessons that somewhat reduces enjoyment yet I think taking lessons at the same time helps me feel for once not so isolated. I could probably improve just as much though using youtube and such. But again, good to break free of isolation.
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Took a training class at work where it was said that the actual words someone says only convey 10% of the meaning. The visual gives 70% and the sound of the voice gives 20%. Song 130 (Schopenhauer) reminds me of this. I think hearing my voice for a minute means more than hundreds of blog posts, at least one version of my voice anyway. What a pity the people I used to interact with online didn't understand this.

I've had a phobia about communicating with people online I haven't actually ever spoken to for over a year now. Looks to be permanent. A "correct phobia" I suppose. But it's somewhat beyond the rational. Not actually just about taking a moral stand against dystopia. Actually largely beyond my control.