If someone is very hungry should they eat paint chips?
No, they shouldn't. They're not nourishing at all. Possibly even the opposite. Also time eating them is time they could be spending finding actual food.
If someone is lonely should they go to the internet hoping for interactions?
No, they shouldn't. It's not actually nourishing at all. And actually the interactions are usually toxic. Also it's time one could instead spend finding real live people to actually interact with.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Thought of how certain things are absolutely perfect right now. Almost recorded how so, so that I don't forget. Because surely they won't always be so and then it will be good to remember. I didn't 'blog' it though because it took too much away from the enjoyment of it.
Rereading/summarizing April 2009 took a long time. I think that's enough. Shall just spend the rest of the day reading. Maybe (gasp!) even playing a video game.
This from March 2009 of the hellblog was so good I'm going to repost it:
The real choice is between obediance and expulsion. For this reason, there is a powerful tendency for people to want to believe that their thoughts and behavior at work are voluntary-the alternative, of perceiving the actual conflict, is simply too painful. Indeed, this struggle with conformity will be painful to the extent to which they are aware of their own conflicting inner needs, thoughts and desires. A person will suffer more intensely the more he or she is strong and independent. Given the apparent hopelessness of resistance, there is a powerful and continuous incentive for individuals to become less aware of their own feelings, beliefs and needs. Indeed, the only rational solution for an individual may often be to become dead inside, to become alienated from his or her feelings and desires. And it is exactly this internal deadness which has been declared the great sickness of modern man... pg 36 (David Edwards, Free to be Human)
'They (the public) ought to be sitting alone in front of the TV and having drilled into their heads the message, which says the only value in life is to have more commodities or live like that rich, middle class family you're watching and to have nice values like harmony and Americanism. That's all there is in life. You may think in your own head that there's got to be something more in life than this, but since you're watching the tube alone you assume, I must be crazy, because that's all that's going on over there. And since there is no organisation permitted-that's absolutely crucial-you never have a way of finding out whether you are crazy, and you just assume it, because it's the natural thing to assume.' (Chomsky, Spectacular Achievements of Media Propaganda)
-
In the light of the evidence of reality-distortion provided by the propaganda model, it seems reasonable to suggest that the vast majority of modern neuroses are not at all rooted in repression of childhood trauma or sexual drives, but in a violent individual/social conflict between the desire of human beings to live and think in reasonably sane and rational ways and the requirement of our society that we live and think in ways which are absurd. Given the extent to which reality is filtered to fit the corporate need, it seems hardly imaginable that anyone today could have the independence of mind to form a balanced, realistic, sane view of the world-on which human happiness and sanity surely depend. (Edwards, Free to be Human)
-
Hillman goes on to argue that our obsession with childhood, feelings and relationships in the absense of concern for the world around us leads us to place an impossible burden of expectation on our relationships, which consequently disintegrate under that weight. The most notable non-material obsession of our society is, after all, the dream of romantic love as an answer to all our troubles. When we listen to the endless stream of love songs, we hear continuous references to 'eternity','truth','dreaming','searching','the promised land' and so on, and this is surely the sound of the search for truth banished to the only permissible realm-the personal.
Unfortunately no romance can ever provide an adequate answer to a life lived in a society of dramatically limited freedom. 'All you need is love!', in fact, is an economically 'correct' fiction which, like green consumerism, corporate responsibility and the Western 'yearning for freedom and human rights', serves to divert genuine concern, genuine searching, into a harmless cul-de-sac while appearing to be a genuine message of hope for humanity.
Psychotherapy has been transformed into a similar mechanism for diversion, as Hillman seems to argue: "Psychology, working with yourself, could that be part of the disease, not part of the cure?"
Certainly, and we might suggest that the reason that psychotherapy has persisted with its irrational approach, rather than seeking rational norms for sanity, is because that search is in profound conflict with the propaganda system, which requires an essentially insane set of presupposed (but not explicitly stated-becase absurd) norms for the successful functioning of corporate consumerism. (Edwards, Free to be Human)
-
'Here I could not agree with Freud. He considered the cause of the repression to be a sexual trauma. From my practice, however, I was familiar with numerous cases of neurosis in which the question of sexuality played a subordinate part, other factors standing in the foreground-for example, the problem of social adaptation, of oppression by tragic circumstances of life, prestige considerations and so on.' (Carl Jung, Memories, Dreams, Reflections pg 170)
-
'Both the 'economic' man and the 'sexual' man are convenient fabrications whose alleged nature-isolated, asocial, greedy and competitive-makes Capitalism appear as the system which corresponds perfectly to human nature, and places it beyond the reach of criticism. (Erich Fromm, The Sane Society pg 77)
-
Like Chomsky, Fromm has the tragi-comic distinction of being sufficiently accurate in his analysis to know that he would be declared absurd and irrelevant. Thus, he too, has been consigned to the Lutheran 'zoo' along with Copernicus, Chomsky, and all the other 'asses who dare to speak out against the limits of 'respectable' discourse. We spend our time well when we consider that this fate befell Fromm-an outstandingly clear and rational thinker-within the 'science' devoted to explosing lies! (Edward, Free to be Human)
-
...We have all, no doubt, been criticized for discussing something that is 'too deep', whether we are discussing matters psychological, philosophical, religious, environmental-anything that attempts to go to the root of problems. We all sense where the limit is. We know when we are steping over the line and when we can expect a sarcastic aside, or groan, from someone around us. We may even make a self deprecatory joke to pre-empt the diapproval. Similarly, when listening to other people, we immediately sense when the conversation has stepped over the mark and will elicit disapproval, when it has become too 'serious' or 'deep'. We might ask who, or what, is setting the tolerable limits of 'depth'?
The answer is that they are set by the same framing conditions on which our system depends; the same system which maintains the near-uniform frivolity on our magazine shelves and in our television schedules; the same system that depends on our commitment to light-hearted, frivolous consumption. The simply fact is that our culture needs to be infused with a 'buying environment', it needs to be swamped in 'muzak' encouraging us to have fun-and fun requires that we do not consider anything too seriously. For were we to do so, the version of common-sense reality to which we are continually encouraged to adhere (that fun, status and consumption are everything) would be revealed for the childish absurdity that it is. (Edwards, Free to be Human)
Rereading/summarizing April 2009 took a long time. I think that's enough. Shall just spend the rest of the day reading. Maybe (gasp!) even playing a video game.
This from March 2009 of the hellblog was so good I'm going to repost it:
The real choice is between obediance and expulsion. For this reason, there is a powerful tendency for people to want to believe that their thoughts and behavior at work are voluntary-the alternative, of perceiving the actual conflict, is simply too painful. Indeed, this struggle with conformity will be painful to the extent to which they are aware of their own conflicting inner needs, thoughts and desires. A person will suffer more intensely the more he or she is strong and independent. Given the apparent hopelessness of resistance, there is a powerful and continuous incentive for individuals to become less aware of their own feelings, beliefs and needs. Indeed, the only rational solution for an individual may often be to become dead inside, to become alienated from his or her feelings and desires. And it is exactly this internal deadness which has been declared the great sickness of modern man... pg 36 (David Edwards, Free to be Human)
'They (the public) ought to be sitting alone in front of the TV and having drilled into their heads the message, which says the only value in life is to have more commodities or live like that rich, middle class family you're watching and to have nice values like harmony and Americanism. That's all there is in life. You may think in your own head that there's got to be something more in life than this, but since you're watching the tube alone you assume, I must be crazy, because that's all that's going on over there. And since there is no organisation permitted-that's absolutely crucial-you never have a way of finding out whether you are crazy, and you just assume it, because it's the natural thing to assume.' (Chomsky, Spectacular Achievements of Media Propaganda)
-
In the light of the evidence of reality-distortion provided by the propaganda model, it seems reasonable to suggest that the vast majority of modern neuroses are not at all rooted in repression of childhood trauma or sexual drives, but in a violent individual/social conflict between the desire of human beings to live and think in reasonably sane and rational ways and the requirement of our society that we live and think in ways which are absurd. Given the extent to which reality is filtered to fit the corporate need, it seems hardly imaginable that anyone today could have the independence of mind to form a balanced, realistic, sane view of the world-on which human happiness and sanity surely depend. (Edwards, Free to be Human)
-
Hillman goes on to argue that our obsession with childhood, feelings and relationships in the absense of concern for the world around us leads us to place an impossible burden of expectation on our relationships, which consequently disintegrate under that weight. The most notable non-material obsession of our society is, after all, the dream of romantic love as an answer to all our troubles. When we listen to the endless stream of love songs, we hear continuous references to 'eternity','truth','dreaming','searching','the promised land' and so on, and this is surely the sound of the search for truth banished to the only permissible realm-the personal.
Unfortunately no romance can ever provide an adequate answer to a life lived in a society of dramatically limited freedom. 'All you need is love!', in fact, is an economically 'correct' fiction which, like green consumerism, corporate responsibility and the Western 'yearning for freedom and human rights', serves to divert genuine concern, genuine searching, into a harmless cul-de-sac while appearing to be a genuine message of hope for humanity.
Psychotherapy has been transformed into a similar mechanism for diversion, as Hillman seems to argue: "Psychology, working with yourself, could that be part of the disease, not part of the cure?"
Certainly, and we might suggest that the reason that psychotherapy has persisted with its irrational approach, rather than seeking rational norms for sanity, is because that search is in profound conflict with the propaganda system, which requires an essentially insane set of presupposed (but not explicitly stated-becase absurd) norms for the successful functioning of corporate consumerism. (Edwards, Free to be Human)
-
'Here I could not agree with Freud. He considered the cause of the repression to be a sexual trauma. From my practice, however, I was familiar with numerous cases of neurosis in which the question of sexuality played a subordinate part, other factors standing in the foreground-for example, the problem of social adaptation, of oppression by tragic circumstances of life, prestige considerations and so on.' (Carl Jung, Memories, Dreams, Reflections pg 170)
-
'Both the 'economic' man and the 'sexual' man are convenient fabrications whose alleged nature-isolated, asocial, greedy and competitive-makes Capitalism appear as the system which corresponds perfectly to human nature, and places it beyond the reach of criticism. (Erich Fromm, The Sane Society pg 77)
-
Like Chomsky, Fromm has the tragi-comic distinction of being sufficiently accurate in his analysis to know that he would be declared absurd and irrelevant. Thus, he too, has been consigned to the Lutheran 'zoo' along with Copernicus, Chomsky, and all the other 'asses who dare to speak out against the limits of 'respectable' discourse. We spend our time well when we consider that this fate befell Fromm-an outstandingly clear and rational thinker-within the 'science' devoted to explosing lies! (Edward, Free to be Human)
-
...We have all, no doubt, been criticized for discussing something that is 'too deep', whether we are discussing matters psychological, philosophical, religious, environmental-anything that attempts to go to the root of problems. We all sense where the limit is. We know when we are steping over the line and when we can expect a sarcastic aside, or groan, from someone around us. We may even make a self deprecatory joke to pre-empt the diapproval. Similarly, when listening to other people, we immediately sense when the conversation has stepped over the mark and will elicit disapproval, when it has become too 'serious' or 'deep'. We might ask who, or what, is setting the tolerable limits of 'depth'?
The answer is that they are set by the same framing conditions on which our system depends; the same system which maintains the near-uniform frivolity on our magazine shelves and in our television schedules; the same system that depends on our commitment to light-hearted, frivolous consumption. The simply fact is that our culture needs to be infused with a 'buying environment', it needs to be swamped in 'muzak' encouraging us to have fun-and fun requires that we do not consider anything too seriously. For were we to do so, the version of common-sense reality to which we are continually encouraged to adhere (that fun, status and consumption are everything) would be revealed for the childish absurdity that it is. (Edwards, Free to be Human)
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Monday (ten days ago) I started developing a slight headache that in retrospect was caused by a carpet cleaner my wife used. Thursday I took a nap on a couch right by where she had used it and that evening had a very bad headache. First I took two tylenol and 90 minutes later, considering I was getting nauseous and had a research thing that it would have been very bad to not got to the next day, I took a lortab.
That Friday I ran 1.5 miles at a 6.5mph pace on the treadmill at a 2% incline. Felt very easy. Easily could have gone further but I had previously only ran 1 mile at that pace and I know if I don't keep things gradual I'll have a harder time recuperating. Still I had handled 6.5mph so easily I decided to next go ahead and move up to 6.8mph.
I think it was Sunday that my right knee started hurting. Sunday night though I still went running. I ran 5.1mph for 3 minutes then 6.8 for 2 minutes then repeated the same once more. The very first minutes my knee hurt a bit but then I felt fine. But walking around and up stairs it was hurting a bit.
Still hurt Monday a bit. Ran anyway. Ran 5.1mph for 16 minutes. A shorter run than otherwise because concerned about the knee.
Tuesday ran 5.1mph for 2 minutes then 6.8mph for 3 minutes then repeated once. My knee was still bothering me although again, not while running on the treadmill. Still I maybe should not have been running. But I did so because I was of the opinion that the knee was hurting because of the lortab I took. Not because of the running/running faster.
Worked a night shift Tuesday night plus had to take parents for doctor's appointments Wednesay. Ended up without sleep for 30 hours. Then slept 6 hours, up for a couple and then slept another 10. And this Thursday, indeed my knee feels fine. Today ran 5.1mph for 2 minutes then 6.8 for 3 minutes then repeated twice more and knee feels perfectly fine.
I do think it was the lortab. I think I had noticed this happening once before quite a while back. The faster running though may also have contributed. Anyway feel great now. In the future unfortunately I might just lay in agony instead of taking pain medicine as I really don't want to lose the ability to run.
Perhaps whiskey next time.
Anyway really enjoying the running and improving faster than I expected. I think the thing is in the past I usually would try to run too fast. Now I'm of the opinion I should never be gasping for breath. 2 or 3 runs a week the breathing can be a bit elevated but no more than that.
-
Shall experiment with the 12 tone technique. It's always curiousity with the music. Always an essential element that just isn't present with trying to write fiction unfortunately. Still have a year left of my hellblog that needs summarizing.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twelve-tone_technique
That Friday I ran 1.5 miles at a 6.5mph pace on the treadmill at a 2% incline. Felt very easy. Easily could have gone further but I had previously only ran 1 mile at that pace and I know if I don't keep things gradual I'll have a harder time recuperating. Still I had handled 6.5mph so easily I decided to next go ahead and move up to 6.8mph.
I think it was Sunday that my right knee started hurting. Sunday night though I still went running. I ran 5.1mph for 3 minutes then 6.8 for 2 minutes then repeated the same once more. The very first minutes my knee hurt a bit but then I felt fine. But walking around and up stairs it was hurting a bit.
Still hurt Monday a bit. Ran anyway. Ran 5.1mph for 16 minutes. A shorter run than otherwise because concerned about the knee.
Tuesday ran 5.1mph for 2 minutes then 6.8mph for 3 minutes then repeated once. My knee was still bothering me although again, not while running on the treadmill. Still I maybe should not have been running. But I did so because I was of the opinion that the knee was hurting because of the lortab I took. Not because of the running/running faster.
Worked a night shift Tuesday night plus had to take parents for doctor's appointments Wednesay. Ended up without sleep for 30 hours. Then slept 6 hours, up for a couple and then slept another 10. And this Thursday, indeed my knee feels fine. Today ran 5.1mph for 2 minutes then 6.8 for 3 minutes then repeated twice more and knee feels perfectly fine.
I do think it was the lortab. I think I had noticed this happening once before quite a while back. The faster running though may also have contributed. Anyway feel great now. In the future unfortunately I might just lay in agony instead of taking pain medicine as I really don't want to lose the ability to run.
Perhaps whiskey next time.
Anyway really enjoying the running and improving faster than I expected. I think the thing is in the past I usually would try to run too fast. Now I'm of the opinion I should never be gasping for breath. 2 or 3 runs a week the breathing can be a bit elevated but no more than that.
-
Shall experiment with the 12 tone technique. It's always curiousity with the music. Always an essential element that just isn't present with trying to write fiction unfortunately. Still have a year left of my hellblog that needs summarizing.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twelve-tone_technique
Monday, October 25, 2010
I had started reading the Gormenghast Novels two years ago but 100 pages in threw up on the book thus threw it away. Finally bought it again and enjoying it. In particular the poetry, which points to a change in me as I've never enjoyed poetry. Wanted to and figured not enjoying it pointed to some lack within me. I really don't know quite why I am now. Possibly tied into placing something mystical and/or panglossianist into the very english language, but just not sure. Am sure that in the past I dismissed poetry in large part because I felt the collection of noises and so on which symbolized given concepts was highly random and thus attempting to stream them together in a pretty manner was highly meaningless.
As to Gormenghast I'm curious to see to what extent it might follow the monomyth. Hope it does. Hope Steerpike is a hero. Scarlett Thomas' book says Campbell's monomyth is a load of bunk, really just the story of imperialism. I don't think I agree but it's an interesting thought.
In other news had a headache for 5 days triggered I think by carpet cleaner. Last thursday it got so bad I broke down and took a lortab. Felt great then. Laid in bed and had much pillow talk, thought about how wonderful wife is, how she's added a golden sheen to my life. In retrospect more like she's been a rock, foundation upon which I've..... eh. Words escape me. But at the time golden sheen was the way it seemed and that works also.
-
Now my right knee is hurting. I think pain killers are bad for the joints, although also may depend on the type of course. But in the future I'll just try to handle the pain, even though I was starting to get nauseous it was getting so bad. Maybe just drink a couple glasses of wine. I don't know. But I'm really enjoying my running. Really enjoying running faster and very very much do not want to lose the ability to run.
-
Lately enjoying playing the most simplistic songs on the cello. Simply enjoying the pure tones. Also finally learning vibrato. At the same time a bit annoyed at the slowness of progress, very much 3 steps forward and two back it seems. Feel like I have to spin my wheels in the mud very fast just to hold even at times. Feel a pressure to keep improving as a result of taking lessons that somewhat reduces enjoyment yet I think taking lessons at the same time helps me feel for once not so isolated. I could probably improve just as much though using youtube and such. But again, good to break free of isolation.
-
Took a training class at work where it was said that the actual words someone says only convey 10% of the meaning. The visual gives 70% and the sound of the voice gives 20%. Song 130 (Schopenhauer) reminds me of this. I think hearing my voice for a minute means more than hundreds of blog posts, at least one version of my voice anyway. What a pity the people I used to interact with online didn't understand this.
I've had a phobia about communicating with people online I haven't actually ever spoken to for over a year now. Looks to be permanent. A "correct phobia" I suppose. But it's somewhat beyond the rational. Not actually just about taking a moral stand against dystopia. Actually largely beyond my control.
As to Gormenghast I'm curious to see to what extent it might follow the monomyth. Hope it does. Hope Steerpike is a hero. Scarlett Thomas' book says Campbell's monomyth is a load of bunk, really just the story of imperialism. I don't think I agree but it's an interesting thought.
In other news had a headache for 5 days triggered I think by carpet cleaner. Last thursday it got so bad I broke down and took a lortab. Felt great then. Laid in bed and had much pillow talk, thought about how wonderful wife is, how she's added a golden sheen to my life. In retrospect more like she's been a rock, foundation upon which I've..... eh. Words escape me. But at the time golden sheen was the way it seemed and that works also.
-
Now my right knee is hurting. I think pain killers are bad for the joints, although also may depend on the type of course. But in the future I'll just try to handle the pain, even though I was starting to get nauseous it was getting so bad. Maybe just drink a couple glasses of wine. I don't know. But I'm really enjoying my running. Really enjoying running faster and very very much do not want to lose the ability to run.
-
Lately enjoying playing the most simplistic songs on the cello. Simply enjoying the pure tones. Also finally learning vibrato. At the same time a bit annoyed at the slowness of progress, very much 3 steps forward and two back it seems. Feel like I have to spin my wheels in the mud very fast just to hold even at times. Feel a pressure to keep improving as a result of taking lessons that somewhat reduces enjoyment yet I think taking lessons at the same time helps me feel for once not so isolated. I could probably improve just as much though using youtube and such. But again, good to break free of isolation.
-
Took a training class at work where it was said that the actual words someone says only convey 10% of the meaning. The visual gives 70% and the sound of the voice gives 20%. Song 130 (Schopenhauer) reminds me of this. I think hearing my voice for a minute means more than hundreds of blog posts, at least one version of my voice anyway. What a pity the people I used to interact with online didn't understand this.
I've had a phobia about communicating with people online I haven't actually ever spoken to for over a year now. Looks to be permanent. A "correct phobia" I suppose. But it's somewhat beyond the rational. Not actually just about taking a moral stand against dystopia. Actually largely beyond my control.
Are we finished?
Yes we are.
The soundbites at the end remind me...
In my frustration at listening to tea partiers regurgitating the same libertarian arguments that have been around for the last century and already have completely failed, it's good to remember these people have been brainwashed by the same corporate media that was going to such lengths to defend torturing people.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Finishing up the ninth hour of HBO's John Adams with my wife. She's really into it. Much more so than me. We're both mostly familar with the history already. I could criticize my wife for watching Jersey Shore and Survivor, etc, yet still she is intelligent and into things the average person wouldn't be. Laying on the oval couch with the fire going. Been drinking hot chocolate. Still walk through the house not quite believing it's ours. It's really nice. Makes up for a lot in life. Material possessions can make a difference, which is something I've avoided believing most of my life, which shows a lack of nuaunce on my part, a reduction of things to absolutes unfortunately. Father-in-law gave us a big riding lawnmower which wife used today for the first time. She's looks kind of comical on it. She can be very cute. Kind of funny sitting there on a big John Deere. Cats very annoying lately, constantly wanting in and out. Need to install a cat door.
Song 129 makes me think of my music writing like playing more complex sudoku with something long term to show for it. And more and more I'm learning to just be receptive to my music, why bother listening trying to figure out all the ways it's not any good? No one else is listening for whom I need to bother doing such a thing. It's just me, I'm the only person to be entertained. I just make what I like and don't really worry.
A nice enough day, not particularly plagued by anything much. Feel pretty good. Finishing Scarlett Thomas' book. Not thinking about utopias or all that's wrong with this world.
Song 129 makes me think of my music writing like playing more complex sudoku with something long term to show for it. And more and more I'm learning to just be receptive to my music, why bother listening trying to figure out all the ways it's not any good? No one else is listening for whom I need to bother doing such a thing. It's just me, I'm the only person to be entertained. I just make what I like and don't really worry.
A nice enough day, not particularly plagued by anything much. Feel pretty good. Finishing Scarlett Thomas' book. Not thinking about utopias or all that's wrong with this world.
Two weeks back I ran two miles at a 6mph pace (could have kept going) then I started working on 6.5mph. At first for that I was having a fast day which was alternating between 6.5mph for a couple of minutes and then down to 5mph back and forth for two miles then an easy day which was just 5mph for two miles. But then I had a day where I had no time for the easy day and instead just ran 6.5mph for 5 minutes as my easy. And I found that it gave me a boost. The hard day was then easier. I expected it was just a short term effect but have been sticking with that such that today my "easy" day was running 6.5mph for 9:15.
Which is to say I'm getting away from having easy days which is a mistake on my part.
I have to remember I'm doing this so that:
1. I'll have more energy for my long hard work days.
2. My back will stay good.
3. I'll sleep well.
What eventually happens though is I forget and/or take the main reasons for granted and then instead start focusing on running faster combined with looking good. Those aren't really good reasons though and as they become The reasons what happens is:
1. I start questioning why I'm bothering to exercise and lose the motivation to bother.
2. Or I start working out too hard. Which means instead of having increased energy for the rest of my day, I end up feeling more tired than I would if I just didn't work out at all.
The latter is what I'm falling into right now. Have been a bit tired at work lately. And even beyond that (or perhaps highly related) I think I was having some premature ventricular contractions Sunday morning. Perhaps if my heart rate gets really elevated day after day it starts getting it worn down..? Also with breathing hard everyday I start getting the occasionally sharp pain in my chest which seems to be almost like pluerisy. Like the pluera starts occasionally catching on something.
Anyway, thing to do is I should be running at a slower pace on my easy day. Obviously. I just seem to lose patience though. Always start pushing things too hard.
So today my "easy day" was really a hard day, although it wasn't particularly hard. I could have run another mile at that pace, possibly another two. But it's too hard when I'm running at least that hard 6 days a week... So tomorrow I'll go back to having a truly easy day even though 5mph seems like such a pitiful shuffle.
For weightlifting I'm going extremely light. Alternating between pulldowns and closegrip benches each for 150 seconds straight. 3 sets each. Using 40 pounds on press and 57.5 on pulldown so far, 2 to 3 times a week.
Which is to say I'm getting away from having easy days which is a mistake on my part.
I have to remember I'm doing this so that:
1. I'll have more energy for my long hard work days.
2. My back will stay good.
3. I'll sleep well.
What eventually happens though is I forget and/or take the main reasons for granted and then instead start focusing on running faster combined with looking good. Those aren't really good reasons though and as they become The reasons what happens is:
1. I start questioning why I'm bothering to exercise and lose the motivation to bother.
2. Or I start working out too hard. Which means instead of having increased energy for the rest of my day, I end up feeling more tired than I would if I just didn't work out at all.
The latter is what I'm falling into right now. Have been a bit tired at work lately. And even beyond that (or perhaps highly related) I think I was having some premature ventricular contractions Sunday morning. Perhaps if my heart rate gets really elevated day after day it starts getting it worn down..? Also with breathing hard everyday I start getting the occasionally sharp pain in my chest which seems to be almost like pluerisy. Like the pluera starts occasionally catching on something.
Anyway, thing to do is I should be running at a slower pace on my easy day. Obviously. I just seem to lose patience though. Always start pushing things too hard.
So today my "easy day" was really a hard day, although it wasn't particularly hard. I could have run another mile at that pace, possibly another two. But it's too hard when I'm running at least that hard 6 days a week... So tomorrow I'll go back to having a truly easy day even though 5mph seems like such a pitiful shuffle.
For weightlifting I'm going extremely light. Alternating between pulldowns and closegrip benches each for 150 seconds straight. 3 sets each. Using 40 pounds on press and 57.5 on pulldown so far, 2 to 3 times a week.
If you imagine, in so far as it is approximately possible, the sum total of distress, pain and suffering of every kind which the sun shines upon in its course, you will have to admit it would have been much better if the sun had been able to call up the phenomenon of life as little as possible on the earth as on the moon; and if, here as tehre, the surface were still in a crystalline condition.
You can also look upon our life as an episode unprofitably disturbing the blessed calm of nothingness. In any case, even he who has found life tolerably bearable will, the longer he lives, feel the more clearly that on the whole it is a disappointment, nay a cheat. if two men who were friends in youth meet in old age after the lapse of an entire generation, the principal feeling the sight of one another, lnked as it is with recollections of earlier years, will arouse in both will be one of total disappointment with the whole of life, which once lay so fair before them in the rosy dawn of youth, promised so much and performed so little. This feeling will dominate so decidedly over every other that they will not even think it necessary to speak of it but will silently assume it as the basis of their conversation.
If the act of procreation were neither the outcome of a desire nor accompanied by feelings of pleasure, but a matter to be decided on the basis of purely rational considerations, is it likely the human race would still exist? Would each of us not rather have felt so much pity for the coming generation as to prefer to spare it the burden of existence, or at least not wish to take it upon himself to impose that burden upon it in cold blood.
For the world is Hell, and men are on the one hand the tormented souls and on the other the devils in it.
-
The story of the Fall is consequently the only thing which reconciles me to the Old Testament; I even regard it as the sole metaphysical truth contained in that book, even though it does appear clothed in allegory. For our existence resembles nothing so much as the consequence of a misdeed, punishment for a forbidden desire.
As a reliable compass for orientating yourself in life nothing is more useful than to accustom yourself to regarding this world as a place of atonement, a sort of penal colony. When you have done this you will order your expectations of life according to the nature of things and no longer regard the calamaties, sufferings, torments and miseries of life as something irregular and not to be expected but will find them entirely in order, well knowing that each of us is here being punished for his existence and each in his own particular way. This outlook will enable us to view the so-called imperfections of the majority of men, i.e. their moral and intellectual shortcomings and the facial appearance resulting thereform, without surprise and certainly without indignation: for we shall always bear in mind where we are and consequently regard every man first and foremost as a being who exists only as a consequence of his culpability and whose life is an expiation of the crime of being born.
The conviction that the world, and therefore man too, is something which really ought not to exist is in fact calculated to instill in us indulgence towards one another: for what can be expected of beings cplaed in such a situation as we are? From this point of view one might indeed consider that the appropriate form of address between man and man ought to be, not 'monsier, sir', but 'fellow sufferer, companion in misery'. However strange this may sound it corresponds to the nature of the case, makes us see other men in a true lilght and reminds us of what are the most necessary of all things: tolerance, patience, forbearance and charity, which each of us needs and which each of us therefore owes.
-
You could, to be sure, base on considerations of this kind a theory that the greatest wisdom consists in enjoying the present and making this enjoyment the goal of life, because the present is all that is real and everything else merely imaginary. But you could just as well call this mode of life the greatest folly: for that which in a moment ceases to exist, which vanishes as completely as a dream, cannot be worth any serious effort.
-
The scenes of our life resemble pictures in rough mosaic; they are ineffective from close up, and have to be viewed from a distance if they are to seem beautiful. That is why to attain something desired is to discover how vain it is; and why, though we live all our lives in expectation of better things, we often at the same time long regretfully for what is part. The present, on the other hand, is regarded as something quite temporary and serving only as the road to our goal. That is why most men discover when they look back on their life that they have the whole time been living ad interim, and are surprised to see that which they let go by so unregarded and unenjoyed was precisely their life, was precisely that in expectation of which they lived....[/i]
Was rereading the above from my blog, not remembering who originally wrote it. Having no idea at all but thinking that whoever it was, they were truly a great man. I wondered if perhaps it wasn't someone famous, as I can't think of anyone at all alive today who'd write like this. It's just too negative. No one alive today would be allowed to still have any success with such an opinion. So I thought that perhaps I just got it from a blog somewhere. And I thought then, I need to contact whoever wrote it. Finally for once here is a person who gets it.
Unfortunately the person who wrote it is long, long dead. Schopenhauer. Is there anyone alive today who actually gets it?
Anyone at all?
The people whom even talk of liking Schopenhauer certainly don't talk like him.
You can also look upon our life as an episode unprofitably disturbing the blessed calm of nothingness. In any case, even he who has found life tolerably bearable will, the longer he lives, feel the more clearly that on the whole it is a disappointment, nay a cheat. if two men who were friends in youth meet in old age after the lapse of an entire generation, the principal feeling the sight of one another, lnked as it is with recollections of earlier years, will arouse in both will be one of total disappointment with the whole of life, which once lay so fair before them in the rosy dawn of youth, promised so much and performed so little. This feeling will dominate so decidedly over every other that they will not even think it necessary to speak of it but will silently assume it as the basis of their conversation.
If the act of procreation were neither the outcome of a desire nor accompanied by feelings of pleasure, but a matter to be decided on the basis of purely rational considerations, is it likely the human race would still exist? Would each of us not rather have felt so much pity for the coming generation as to prefer to spare it the burden of existence, or at least not wish to take it upon himself to impose that burden upon it in cold blood.
For the world is Hell, and men are on the one hand the tormented souls and on the other the devils in it.
-
The story of the Fall is consequently the only thing which reconciles me to the Old Testament; I even regard it as the sole metaphysical truth contained in that book, even though it does appear clothed in allegory. For our existence resembles nothing so much as the consequence of a misdeed, punishment for a forbidden desire.
As a reliable compass for orientating yourself in life nothing is more useful than to accustom yourself to regarding this world as a place of atonement, a sort of penal colony. When you have done this you will order your expectations of life according to the nature of things and no longer regard the calamaties, sufferings, torments and miseries of life as something irregular and not to be expected but will find them entirely in order, well knowing that each of us is here being punished for his existence and each in his own particular way. This outlook will enable us to view the so-called imperfections of the majority of men, i.e. their moral and intellectual shortcomings and the facial appearance resulting thereform, without surprise and certainly without indignation: for we shall always bear in mind where we are and consequently regard every man first and foremost as a being who exists only as a consequence of his culpability and whose life is an expiation of the crime of being born.
The conviction that the world, and therefore man too, is something which really ought not to exist is in fact calculated to instill in us indulgence towards one another: for what can be expected of beings cplaed in such a situation as we are? From this point of view one might indeed consider that the appropriate form of address between man and man ought to be, not 'monsier, sir', but 'fellow sufferer, companion in misery'. However strange this may sound it corresponds to the nature of the case, makes us see other men in a true lilght and reminds us of what are the most necessary of all things: tolerance, patience, forbearance and charity, which each of us needs and which each of us therefore owes.
-
You could, to be sure, base on considerations of this kind a theory that the greatest wisdom consists in enjoying the present and making this enjoyment the goal of life, because the present is all that is real and everything else merely imaginary. But you could just as well call this mode of life the greatest folly: for that which in a moment ceases to exist, which vanishes as completely as a dream, cannot be worth any serious effort.
-
The scenes of our life resemble pictures in rough mosaic; they are ineffective from close up, and have to be viewed from a distance if they are to seem beautiful. That is why to attain something desired is to discover how vain it is; and why, though we live all our lives in expectation of better things, we often at the same time long regretfully for what is part. The present, on the other hand, is regarded as something quite temporary and serving only as the road to our goal. That is why most men discover when they look back on their life that they have the whole time been living ad interim, and are surprised to see that which they let go by so unregarded and unenjoyed was precisely their life, was precisely that in expectation of which they lived....[/i]
Was rereading the above from my blog, not remembering who originally wrote it. Having no idea at all but thinking that whoever it was, they were truly a great man. I wondered if perhaps it wasn't someone famous, as I can't think of anyone at all alive today who'd write like this. It's just too negative. No one alive today would be allowed to still have any success with such an opinion. So I thought that perhaps I just got it from a blog somewhere. And I thought then, I need to contact whoever wrote it. Finally for once here is a person who gets it.
Unfortunately the person who wrote it is long, long dead. Schopenhauer. Is there anyone alive today who actually gets it?
Anyone at all?
The people whom even talk of liking Schopenhauer certainly don't talk like him.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Depressed about rift with S. The depressing part is J keeps bringing it up at work, trying to "fix" it. I've certainly nothing against S or J. Truly fixing the rift would though I think mean really explaining something to at least S, possibly J along for the ride which is highly depressing. And I've ended up thinking about that.
Which is: what's the point of bothering?
That is bothering to have anything to do with anyone. The way our society is set-up, plus what's "acceptable" behavior for a married man, there's not really much point in me even trying to have friends. I'm very close to simply not allowed to be close enough to people in a meaningful way. And the meaningless really doesn't interest me. I'd rather just stay home.
It's more possible/acceptable for women to be meaningfully close to one another. They are literally evolved to be better verbally, to comprehend facial expressions better even. And then it's socially acceptable for them to talk about their feelings with one another. For men to do so with one another would be "gay". And for a married man to do so with some other women is considered adulterous.
Furthermore, the concept of community no longer exists in modern America. My neighbors might as well be living in China. It would literally make no difference to me whatsoever. And the people I work with might as well also all live in China. It wouldn't matter at all.
So short of finding people who really have the same deep musical and/or philosophical interests as me, there's just no point at all.
Now if I was single, then yes, I'd have to go find one person. But I'm not allowed to be close in any meaningful way to more than one person. So why waste time on the meaningless?
Should I try to explain all of this to S and/or J?
Nope. To talk of such things is also outside of the acceptable, in that it's something deep and meaningful and not fake positive. Whatever I do with these people has to stay meaningless and again, why bother?
It was thinking along such lines along with imagining what my life holds from now to death that got me in such a state that I caused a "rift" with S in the first place.
Why am I virtually the only one saying this sort of thing?
Some few men may manage to have meaningful friendships beyond their SO but most are afraid of how they'll be perceived if they admit this sort of thing. Afraid to be perceived as friendless/lonely or unconformed. Or not questioning enough to consciously see that something's wrong. Or to emotionally dulled to see a point in any other way.
Which is: what's the point of bothering?
That is bothering to have anything to do with anyone. The way our society is set-up, plus what's "acceptable" behavior for a married man, there's not really much point in me even trying to have friends. I'm very close to simply not allowed to be close enough to people in a meaningful way. And the meaningless really doesn't interest me. I'd rather just stay home.
It's more possible/acceptable for women to be meaningfully close to one another. They are literally evolved to be better verbally, to comprehend facial expressions better even. And then it's socially acceptable for them to talk about their feelings with one another. For men to do so with one another would be "gay". And for a married man to do so with some other women is considered adulterous.
Furthermore, the concept of community no longer exists in modern America. My neighbors might as well be living in China. It would literally make no difference to me whatsoever. And the people I work with might as well also all live in China. It wouldn't matter at all.
So short of finding people who really have the same deep musical and/or philosophical interests as me, there's just no point at all.
Now if I was single, then yes, I'd have to go find one person. But I'm not allowed to be close in any meaningful way to more than one person. So why waste time on the meaningless?
Should I try to explain all of this to S and/or J?
Nope. To talk of such things is also outside of the acceptable, in that it's something deep and meaningful and not fake positive. Whatever I do with these people has to stay meaningless and again, why bother?
It was thinking along such lines along with imagining what my life holds from now to death that got me in such a state that I caused a "rift" with S in the first place.
Why am I virtually the only one saying this sort of thing?
Some few men may manage to have meaningful friendships beyond their SO but most are afraid of how they'll be perceived if they admit this sort of thing. Afraid to be perceived as friendless/lonely or unconformed. Or not questioning enough to consciously see that something's wrong. Or to emotionally dulled to see a point in any other way.
I loved Tony Pena when I was a child. When I was ten or so years old I loved baseball. I'd listen to the pirate games on the radio as I feel asleep each night. I only remember once managing to stay awake till the end of a game. I remember I'd always wake back up in the middle of the night and the radio was suddenly so loud yet when I had turned it on I put it as low a volume as I could and still hear it. I remember watching the games on TV too and Pena's special stance.
The lack of a salary cap killed baseball. I don't watch it at all anymore. At work someone told me I looked exactly like Roy Halladay, supposedly the best pitcher in the league this year. Never heard of him. Couldn't care less about baseball now. But as a child my first hopes and dreams shone so brightly tied into baseball.
The lack of a salary cap killed baseball. I don't watch it at all anymore. At work someone told me I looked exactly like Roy Halladay, supposedly the best pitcher in the league this year. Never heard of him. Couldn't care less about baseball now. But as a child my first hopes and dreams shone so brightly tied into baseball.
http://www.veganoutreach.org/articles/youngmatt.html
The main problem ultimately is that of legitimizing a stereotype by reacting to it. By reacting to it, you're controlled by it and you've in effect said that, yes we all agree, that stereotype is real and worth condemning.
The vegan misanthrope stereotype ties into the positivity cult and this world now where showing unhappiness at all is verbotten.
Another stereotype is that of the elitist, where the rightwing has tried to make 'intelligent' a synonym for 'arrogant elitst'. Politicians have reacted by taking great pains to not sound particularly intelligent thus legitimizing the stereotype and now being controlled by it.
And so today in our society, intelligence is a bad thing and if you're not smiling, you're wrong.
It's furthermore a particularly bad idea when it comes to vegan activism in that the sort of people who become ethical vegans are thoughtful enough that they aren't basing their decision on how much you're smiling. Instead ethical vegans are left hiding much of what they really feel while trying to pander to people who couldn't actually care less about veganism no matter how they act.
The main problem ultimately is that of legitimizing a stereotype by reacting to it. By reacting to it, you're controlled by it and you've in effect said that, yes we all agree, that stereotype is real and worth condemning.
The vegan misanthrope stereotype ties into the positivity cult and this world now where showing unhappiness at all is verbotten.
Another stereotype is that of the elitist, where the rightwing has tried to make 'intelligent' a synonym for 'arrogant elitst'. Politicians have reacted by taking great pains to not sound particularly intelligent thus legitimizing the stereotype and now being controlled by it.
And so today in our society, intelligence is a bad thing and if you're not smiling, you're wrong.
It's furthermore a particularly bad idea when it comes to vegan activism in that the sort of people who become ethical vegans are thoughtful enough that they aren't basing their decision on how much you're smiling. Instead ethical vegans are left hiding much of what they really feel while trying to pander to people who couldn't actually care less about veganism no matter how they act.
"You have to decide something is a monster before it becomes one." Scarlett Thomas, Our Tragic Universe, pg 132.
Nice book for aspiring intellectual writers. Reassuring that there are others out there.
This quote and the page or so going on about it. I imagine a good person trying to help someone and this someone making a bad judgement and suddenly the good person finds themselves turning into an ogre. Suddenly they find their face becoming mishapen, their jaw elongates, etc, all while a desperate bewildered look enters their eyes. Then the villagers attack, throwing stones, etc while the good person shields themselves and retreats and retreats and finally too many stones hit home and the good person lashes out in return and starts attacking the villagers in return like the evil bloodthirsty troll it clearly always was.
I imagine an angel which comes from the sky to help the people of a village. It studies them from afar to see how it can help them. It devotes itself to helping. It sees some particular problem? and works to fix it at extreme cost to itself. Meanwhile the villagers have become aware of it's existence and think it a demon. Clearly it is different, therefore of course it's a demon. And after a good bit of detailing how the angel is trying to save them, they kill it, they defile it's body, etc.
A beautiful world stood before them and they shit upon it.
A beautiful world stands before you and so it goes.
Nice book for aspiring intellectual writers. Reassuring that there are others out there.
This quote and the page or so going on about it. I imagine a good person trying to help someone and this someone making a bad judgement and suddenly the good person finds themselves turning into an ogre. Suddenly they find their face becoming mishapen, their jaw elongates, etc, all while a desperate bewildered look enters their eyes. Then the villagers attack, throwing stones, etc while the good person shields themselves and retreats and retreats and finally too many stones hit home and the good person lashes out in return and starts attacking the villagers in return like the evil bloodthirsty troll it clearly always was.
I imagine an angel which comes from the sky to help the people of a village. It studies them from afar to see how it can help them. It devotes itself to helping. It sees some particular problem? and works to fix it at extreme cost to itself. Meanwhile the villagers have become aware of it's existence and think it a demon. Clearly it is different, therefore of course it's a demon. And after a good bit of detailing how the angel is trying to save them, they kill it, they defile it's body, etc.
A beautiful world stood before them and they shit upon it.
A beautiful world stands before you and so it goes.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Finished 'The Too Far Future' / 'Lumpy Wheels'. It was a blog during an angry time. A time when my creativity was of the utmost importance I suppose without so much concern for appearances, for bothering to follow social norms just to not appear scary, etc. It's now I guess permanently closed to the public just to be considerate (was open primarily for the imaginary eyes creative effect) and I'm more than halfway through summarizing all the ideas from it, which is really taking a long time. This here blog, FWIW, will be quite different. Not so hellish and ranty and long winded and ... inconsiderate.
This will be pretty peaceful, and considerate. Yet not with my head in the sand. A primary goal now is to write fiction which utilizes the ideas of The Too Far Future. It's definitely not to just be forgotten. As to the old question of the immorality of happiness in dystopia, the thing is that it's enough to have spent time unhappy. One doesn't have to be permanently unhappy. In fact being permanently unhappy would almost certainly just ensure no one will ever listen to anything I say, (wrong though that is).
Also almost certainly it's all useless anyway, so one might as well be happy. Not that that's going to stop me from moving forward...
All kinds of contradications and complications made worse by forgetting and changing from day to day...
Going to (hopefully) be primarily a compilation of happy thoughts. Which is to say a relatively normal sort of thing to do. As if I were just another person with my head in the sand... another member of the positivity cult. Another immoral person... But it's OK as it's the last instant of the world anyway. Also compiling happiness is a crucial activity for any longterm thinker.
...Inconsiderate in being so ranty, so overwhelmingly negative and in not caring much about being misunderstood....
This will be pretty peaceful, and considerate. Yet not with my head in the sand. A primary goal now is to write fiction which utilizes the ideas of The Too Far Future. It's definitely not to just be forgotten. As to the old question of the immorality of happiness in dystopia, the thing is that it's enough to have spent time unhappy. One doesn't have to be permanently unhappy. In fact being permanently unhappy would almost certainly just ensure no one will ever listen to anything I say, (wrong though that is).
Also almost certainly it's all useless anyway, so one might as well be happy. Not that that's going to stop me from moving forward...
All kinds of contradications and complications made worse by forgetting and changing from day to day...
Going to (hopefully) be primarily a compilation of happy thoughts. Which is to say a relatively normal sort of thing to do. As if I were just another person with my head in the sand... another member of the positivity cult. Another immoral person... But it's OK as it's the last instant of the world anyway. Also compiling happiness is a crucial activity for any longterm thinker.
...Inconsiderate in being so ranty, so overwhelmingly negative and in not caring much about being misunderstood....
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