J said something smart today. I go after people to be friends based on who seems intelligent, unique and needs help the most. Emphasis on the latter. Like at a party I go start a conversation with the saddest looking, most awkward person sitting in the corner by themselves. This is problematic for obvious reasons. I pick broken people who generally aren't able to quite treat me with the decency and respect that I give to them. And unfortunately, relationships are a power balance. The person who thinks they are inferior, will be unhappy in the relationship.

And so I went after S. She looked so miserable at work. Although also so honest. And unique. And I must admit I did like the way she looked....

Perhaps I'm making this up. Finding a way to make it OK to me that she isn't showing any concern for my feelings lately. It is bothering me that such is the case.

But perhaps she is feeling inferior? Maybe she doesn't even know. People don't know what goes on in their own mind.

Attempts to think are so often futile. I'm so lucky to have J though. Never any real issues in 16 years now. I could have been so miserable.

D. D sort of picked me. That probably works better, usually. I suppose J sort of picked me also.

Tried listening to minimalist tonight but I just want Chameleons. Just not getting tired of them. Years and years and years.


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The key to happiness in most relationships is finding a way to give people a free pass to not really treat you the way you would want to be treated. So try to remember such and such, who you have a good time with, really has some serious issues and that's just how they act... And so and so, who's company you really enjoy (mostly) unfortunately just isn't quite your equal, leading to subconscious malevolence.... And so on, find a way to give them free passes. Doesn't matter if it's bullshit. Or sounds elitist. Or whatever. Certainly don't share it with them. Just whatever works to stop you from getting upset. Because obviously someone is going to get treated like crap in 98% of friendships. Better it be the person most able to handle it. But when they steal your car, it's time to cut them loose. And this doesn't apply to your spouse. It's really good if you can manage to find at least one person in the world who actually measures up.