Hurt my back 10 days ago. I can just about stand up straight without pain now. Almost. Can slowly walk. No disc herniation. I think I know what to change for prevention.

I really don't like steroids. Stomach ache for days and highly irritable. Not thinking well. 5th day of steroids and can't stand them anymore. Won't take the last day.

I was actually in a sort of good mood last few days. "Vegging" while I healed. Playing Morrowind. Tomorrow I shall attempt to go to work. It's a long walk to office. I might need a wheelchair. Not sure how that would go over.

I have small children. I have to get better. I need to survive and keep a job another 20 years. For them. Not for me. Nothing much for me.

I'm not good with words despite really trying. I hardly have anything really worth saying.

A person friended me that I went to school with. I think from elementary school on up? Not sure. Want to find out. We once had a 30 second conversation about Clive Barker and I can't recall otherwise ever speaking to him. But I had felt at least in high school that I wish I had known him. Then he was suicidal. I wasn't much better.

Now he's 47. He lives with in his mom's house who is a bipolar alcoholic with dementia. He has 22 dollars to his name. No car. Just started a new job as a waiter. He walked 3 miles to work because mom wouldn't let him borrow the car. She's screaming drunk crazy and police have been called and he doesn't know what to do.

He lives a 1000 miles away. I really don't actually know him. Apparently he has no one. Some fb "friends ". He had a sister. I don't know what became of her.

I will do nothing for him I guess. Talking to him at all on Facebook is strange considering I didn't actually know him.

But he likes the music I like. DCD, the cure. He reads. He's androgynous. Gay.

And he's 47 years old and he has 22 dollars to his name and no one good in his life. He was suicidal 30 years ago and it looks lije things haven't improved. My wife isn't going to let me reach out to some stranger  But he seems to have spent his life working at amusement parks and on the beach.

My stomach hurts. I'm hot. It's hot upstairs because heat rises. Downstairs hurts my back worse.

I have two small children. Something horrible HAS to happen to me. There's no way I will be allowed to be with them as they grow up.

I will listen to probably DCD. Starting now.....

And think of another time.

Reading George Macdonald earlier. Great largely forgotten writer. It's slightly horrifying the people who lived and have been forgotten.  Not just him but thinking about his characters as real people that in some variation they were.

My stomach hurts. I'm in a bad place. I have wrote my way out of a bad place. It's Sunday night. Insomnia night.

I thought of the giant sequoias the other day. I tried to work on a story that had a scene there. I ruined the sequoias.