I was using a backhand grip that was both thumb knuckles on the 8th bevel. This kept the racquet out in front of me which really reduced errors. But I can't seem to hit winners this way. Maybe if I got my wrists more involved. But it's just so physically demanding to swing hard enough this way. Can't flatten it out very well. I don't know. Just can't play aggressive enough. Too much just getting it back.

On the two hand forehand I was putting both thumb knuckles on bevel 2. Again this kept the racquet out in front of me. Still had plenty of power and can hit flat or with topspin, or slice well. The one problem is I really struggle hitting crosscourt. I errors as often as not. Maybe I should find a way to make it work. But I basically can slice it crosscourt. I just can't figure out how to hit flat or with topspin consistently crosscourt.

So, this last time I played I switched a double continental grip on both sides. No grip change. Hands almost a bit awkwardly locked into place. Arms kind of want to stay extended. Hard to bend elbows. This way I can get tons of power on the backhand and I can hit crosscourt with pace much better. But topspin is just about impossible. Topspin is overrated anyway.... But I feel like I lost a sense of feel for just hitting the ball.

Last night I tried this and I was up 5-1 against the owner who previously I almost always beat 6-4/3. So 5-1 was better. But then I totally lost my feel. Had a few that hit the ground before the net. He won the second set 6-2. Only set he's ever won against me. With this grip I'm also hitting the ball a bit behind me which leads to more errors.

Perhaps with practice I'll get used to this and improve my feel. I did it some last year and it worked not terrible. Or maybe I should just do double eastern forehand for both grounds strokes. Can still hit some topspin. Can still hit flat with decent power. Problem is have to change grip if lunging on backhands. But I can get used to that. The other question is can I hit crosscourt forehands consistently that way?

.....Two days later. Yes. Can hit them very consistently with a double eastern forehand. Against a ball machine almost never miss. Though my follow through did rise. Was watching Connors and how his racquet ended up by his head even hitting flat. Need to do that. I have very little feel with just swinging low on the follow through.

Also figured out the key to a two hand backhand slice is making contact when the ball is behind you a bit. Which means it doesn't work for short balls.

Also floundering a bit with exercise. Now doing 1/3 intervals most days but only for 16 minutes to begin. Very unhappy with my weight sticking up a 220. This is the problem with 80/20 for some people. But also lately I haven't been doing enough of it really. Just 2 to 3 hours a week when it really needs to be like 6 hours at least...

Haven't had a headache in 7 months. Today I feel the slightest twinge. Not enough to call a headache. Though I'm starting my weekend a bit slow. On thursday I felt exhausted in the morning, possibly ran too hard going up to 4mph for the easy stuff. Possibly that damn mandatory flu shot. Anyway with my guard down I ate a little something at work that had allspice in it, which is a berry that also contains sulfites.

Did 7.7 mph for 6:30 couple days back.

Looking into new tennis place that's a much longer drive as it's really drying up nearby.

1. Use a grip that keeps the racquet out in front of you (at the point of contact) on both sides. (base thumb knuckle on bevel 8 for backhand, bevel 2 for two hand forehand).
2. Hit pretty flat or slice on ROS
3. Then next shot you can try to really rip the topspin, unless it's a high ball or very short ball, for a high ball hit flat or slice, also really try to run around the backhand as flat high two hand forehand is best shot. For really short balls, obviously slice. Otherwise though, this is the shot of to probably try to really rip it with topspin.
4. On ball toss. Cup it in your palm. Avoid touching it with fingers.

Done use a single string method. The tension ends up the same for mains and crosses no matter what.

I tried the Gene Mayer style but while using a Murray backhand grip and that way at least I wasn't happy with it. My regular two hand forehand is just so much stronger. Oh well. Maybe I'll mess around with it later using the 8/2 bevel out in front grip.

Found a better ball toss idea. The palm facing down with fingertip release wasn't any better. But I watched Kevin Anderson. He doesn't touch the ball with his fingers. Just keeps it in his palm and turns his wrist a bit at the release point. I tried it in the house and it seemed way way better. Like this will probably end my ball toss issues.

Lost to high school kid 6-4, 6-2. He was at least 6'7" and his first serve percentage was about 75%. Didn't hit any aces but plenty of pace. I returned ok but his groundstrokes were also quite good. My serve was terrible and my legs gave out after a while. Along with the ball toss issue I need to square up to the court more. Turning sideways was OK against Chi but that doesn't mean shit. Hate to say it but I think playing him is hurting my game. Stuff that works against him totally fails against better players. His lack of pace and lack of agility makes me think things can work that can't.

Last I played Chi I switched hands to dominant hand on top like Gene Mayer. Against this high school kid it just didn't seem like a great idea. Sometimes that left hand two hand forehand looks like I've only been hitting it a few hours (which is correct) as opposed to playing tennis probably for 15 years. So I played Santoro style but really I still want to make the switch. My backhand felt weak. Just getting it back. Also I think on the backhand the Murray grip is better than both base thumb knuckles on bevel 8. Murray style I'm more aggressive. Hit more winners while using the latter I mostly just get it back. On the other hand Murray style it starts breaking down after a while and I hit more errors. But at least it's good for a while Murray style.

The other possibility is switching to Gene Mayer style. The right sided "forehand" feels wrong when just swinging racquet in front of TV. But seems to do OK on the court. ..at least against Chi, which isn't saying much.

Son just vomited everywhere. He's been sick this last ten months of cow milk. Was fine with donated breast milk. That's it. Switching to oat/almond milk. Fucking wife is useless. I say we really ought to switch over and over and nothing ever happens, just like with so many other things. I don't want my son to go through life sick. Just threw all the milk away.

Additionally I was trying 80/20 training where I just did the last 20% hard (6 to 9 minutes). This was overtraining. Meant basically running a really hard mile everyday. Wanted to try because I want something really consistent that will go with tennis. Unfortunately it's a no go. Feel very overtrained. Resting heart rate yesterday was 80 (Should be low 60's at least). Maybe for now I'll just be erratic at tennis. Really like the idea of longer hard running (6 to 9 minutes). But clearly I can't do it everyday. I'm guessing about once every 3 days.... Will check heart rate.

Playing Skyrim a third time. This time using mainly magic. Wanted to use it as a jump into writing. Want to make like this other world running parallel to our own, just in my mind. Just this other place. It's a feeling that for now, really works for me. I can see it being useful for me whether or not it ever got published. But, I know, the feeling will probably fade quickly. But, still, I will try.

Continuing Anatomy of an Epidemic by Whitaker. It is sickening, disgusting. As evil as any holocaust. The concept of helping people utterly forgotten as people do whatever to try to keep their high paying jobs.

Finished The Lions of Al Rassan. Meh. OK. Virtually no magic. Had it's moments. Think the third person didn't help. Didn't feel real close to anyone. And a bit too happily ever after. Felt like no major character had any chance of actually dying. They made a big deal about a servant dying who barely spoke a word the whole story. Also they tried to make the two guys amazing but it was more of telling than showing.

Changed my running and tennis. Trying to make the switch to dominant hand on top of the racquet for groundstrokes. I guess for volleys too though not as sure about that. Better in theory. In practice don't hit on the right side as hard. Harder to get topspin so far. And on the left side it feels a little awkward, but there is more access to power and I can hit it good. Actually on the right side (the left handed two hand backhand) I hit it very good flat and as a two hand slice.

Was up on Chi 6-2, 4-1 this way. Doesn't work quite as well with doubles because have to hit a bit harder then. But OK still. Making this change why? Just get sick on my standard two hand backhand. Feel like it's immediately better on my right side than my left. Played the owner last week when not feeling well was up 7-6, 0-3. Had a game where I hit 4 backhand errors in a row. Just suspect I can become better with dominant hand on top. Gene Mayer is only one I know of who did this.

Also changed ball toss. Turned hand palm down so I don't roll the ball off my fingers at the release.

For running I'm trying to first do the easy running followed by the hard running every workout about 80/20. So 36 easy then 9 hard. Or 40/10 or 30/8, etc. I think longer intervals are better but I figured one can get overtrained easily. Also doing hard running every day, I may get overtrained. BUT, I'm still following 80/20, so possibly not. The very first day I had trouble doing 7.1 mph for 7 minutes. The next day it felt very easy and after a minute or so I went up to 7.2 and did 8 minutes. According to Fitzgerald just teaching your mind to handle the pain of this kind of running is important. With shorter faster intervals, your muscles simply give out. With tempo runs, you simply can't do them too often. But running for 7 to 10 minutes... Possibly I can do them often and just get my body used to flowing along for an extended period at a decent speed...

Reading Anatomy of an Epidemic by Robert Whitaker. Also gave a copy to B. She thinks she's close to mania. Book says long term outcomes are much worse with medications. That's the message. Extremely well written. Also reading her journals around back when she went manic in 2008. Very beautiful sentiments. Was trying to get closer to god. Sounds like she just pushed herself too hard. I don't believe that hardly anyone (if anyone) has a "broken brain". I think people go through too much in life and breakdown. I think it could have been just a one time thing but now with the anti-psychotic, etc medications she probably has some tardive psychosis possibly. Or in other words, the drugs have made relapse far more likely, along with leaving her fatigued and sometimes snowed under.

Gave up on To Ride Hell's Chasm by Janny Wurts 66% in. Farthest I've ever gone into one of her books. Big vocabulary. Very stilted interactions. Got sick of the phrase "desert born cur". Bad guys two-dimensional. Really belabors the point. Despite the big vocabulary strangely not descriptive in some ways. Felt like it was always night. But don't think that was a feel she was going for. That, I suppose, isn't remotely a bad thing. Just never really cared about anyone. No one felt like a real person. The way the king would have 2 minutes of lucidity every day or so was just silly. I made it much further than I otherwise would have because read it while running.

The hero being ordered to strip and lie down on a cot while awaiting a massuese (sp) in the middle of an investigation in a cellar was quite strange. Not much else to say. Moved a bit slow but the real problem was just not giving a damn about any of the characters.

Now reading The Lions of Al Rassan. by Guy Gavriel Kay. 35% in. Pretty good. Like the characters. They aren't stilted, strange and undeveloped. Tigana was good. Some viking book he wrote was OK.

Feel like I've been doing that 80/20 with the boring slow running forever. It hasn't even been 20 days.... Get impatient so quick and want to pick up the pace. Have been trying to run an hour on workdays before work. Longer on weekends. And some evenings doing incline walking on treadmill. 8% Heart rate about 130. I so want to jump up to 12%. And on to a weighted backpack. It's walking that I feel very impatient about.

Beat the owner of westview 6-2, 6-4. The 3 previous times I won 6-3, 6-4. Maybe I've improved a little. Seems like my groundstrokes have improved. My serve still needs a lot of work. Was OK against the owner but it was kind of bad 4 days later playing doubles. Maybe when I start trying to jump it starts falling apart. Gets a bit ragged. Lose power. Lost my serve a lot playing doubles. My teammate (Hannah) was ridiculous good and other than my serve I was pretty good. Particularly had a problem with them lobbing it into the corner over her head in the deuce serve and then I have to generate all my own power with a back kind of turned away from the court. I put it right to the net man at least three times.

Trying to make sure to hit the ROS flat and then here and there add topspin for the following shots on both sides. My return of serve is good. My groundstrokes are really doing well. Think the slow running is helping.

Read the free sample of ordered the paperback book (so B can borrow it) of Anatomy of an Epidemic by Robert Whitaker. Follow up to Mad in America. Seems like a very important book / subject.