33 days out and don't feel so cranky. Except my paper got rejected and I'm not up to the revisions within the deadline as I'm not going to be at work for a few more weeks I guess. Finally doesn't hurt to breathe hardly at all but I can't quite yawn yet.

Son had tubes put in his ears today. It's because my wife couldn't produce breast milk and we thought it best to do cow milk till 2. Eventually I plan to get rid of milk as it's terrible for you.

I recently also read The Dark Tower, Till We Have Faces and The Great Divorce all by CS Lewis. Till We Have Faces was excellent and I wondered how I couldn't have known of it. Turns out Lewis also thought it was his best but it was never popular. A big theme in it was jealousy. The Great Divorce has a lot about people finding ways to refuse to admit they're wrong. Holding on to erroneous thoughts. I'm not a christian but I have always liked his writing. The Dark Tower starts out great with the Stinging Man but I thought took a wrong turn in making one of the people from their reality into one. I see why he didn't finish it.

And I read two books....The Nethergrim and The Skeleth by Matthew Jobin. Not terrible. Not quite as childish as the covers looked. Not quite. Think I need to take a break from that sort of thing though.

Now that I've been off almost 5 weeks, I feel about ready to start writing. Maybe my x-ray tomorrow will show my sternum not healing correctly. I'll leave that as just a vague hope. Starting to feel good enough that I kind of am enjoying being at home. Need to write about things that actually matter to me and do it in a selfish matter. Write something that will increase my own version of 'spirituality". And make real characters. That's always been my problem. Distinct characters.

B. loves Lewis and I borrowed those books from her. Like her so much better than her sister actually. Her sister was a mess though I surely would have put up with her till I died if she hadn't cut J and I from her life. I guess people a lot of people would think B is a mess also. I think very highly of her.  Wish I could find her a man that would appreciate her. She is 37. Hate to think she will never have children. She would like too.

Also spent quite a bit of time the last few days messing around with synth1. Drum presets and trying to locate some other really good presets. Making the sounds may be better but you really just need some main truly good presets as your starting point. At first very very happy with the drum sounds. Thought it better than what I'd ever done before as I've always neglected drums. I've really lost it musically though. I stopped improvising. In part because something went wrong with my midi. Just programming the notes probably doesn't work as well. But... I still have the esq1 on analog and I haven't improvised anything special there. I did spend a couple days really trying to make sounds with it and ultimately wasn't super impressed.... But I know it can sound good with many tracks....

Was thinking it's like the artist who starts out wanting to express something that is in him and eventually he just becomes preoccupied with the process and doesn't really have anything left to express. I don't hear the music off in the distance as I fall asleep anymore. Original songs don't play in my dreams anymore. There's nothing anymore I want to use music to explain to the world.