Dear Hawthy,
So in 2014 your aunt Tara's husband bought a porsche. Porsches are extremely expensive cars. He bought one and hid it from my stepfather. He hid it because he had so little money my stepfather and mother were paying for their groceries, etc. And yet he has enough money to buy a porsche. So in effect he's stealing from them. After many months of this I finally told my stepfather. In return my sister threatened to have your mom's frozen embryos destroyed, claimed I was physically abusing their sons and many other things. Almost a year later we're not speaking and she's offended with me. Why? Not because of the porsche because that just makes her look bad. No, instead she invents other reasons. Because that's what shitty people do. The actual reason was the porsche. Although she has always been a kind of shitty person. Endless ugly stories could be told. So, whatever.

Interestingly her parents (my mother and stepfather) took her side in this. My mom doesn't have much in her that is logical. She just likes this one daughter of hers pretty much no matter what. Instead my mom was just upset with me because I was destroying the family by informing her husband that he was being stolen from. Extremely upset. Screaming insults at me. And so she went on and on for months. Causing us extreme stress during the later stages of of your mom's pregnancy with you. Despite us pleading with her to please stop it. That the stress wasn't good for the baby. She dismissed such concerns and continued.

And my stepfather was not all that much better.

The main concern of both was that THE FAMILY IS EVERYTHING! And that in response to threatening to have your mom's embryos destroyed, claiming I was abusing her children, etc (all of which they just dismissed out of hand). I had to just make nice. Continue to spend my free time around these people. I point out things are at the point that there could be a physical altercation and someone could end up in jail and they dismiss that also. So what if I go to jail? Who cares? The important thing is we pretend everything is just great and continue to sit around in the same house at holidays.

And amazingly, I agree to do so.

I spend the next holiday in my sister's freezing house (they're both very fat and don't easily get cold). Finally after spending a day and a half there I want to watch something on TV. On a channel they don't get. So I make it clear many hours before that at noon I'm going home to watch something on TV. And still when noon comes... they throw a huge fit. Sister cussing me out, mother screaming crap, stepfather acting like I have something wrong with me. Etc.

These people are driving me crazy.

Mind you, this stepfather is the same man who physically beat me regularly throughout my child and constantly threatened physical violence. He had me in constant fear. He'd tell me I was of less use to the world than piss, etc. And otherwise did nothing with me. Never taught me anything. Never played a sport with me. Pretty much crushed whoever I might have become in life. Had no interest in who I was or what I thought. I needed to just shut up and act like him. This man that I had nothing at all in common with.

And returning back to 2014/5 he was of course convinced he was an awesome parent. Completely forgot that he ever hit me even once. Thinks he was a great parent in every way possible. If I'm not where I might be in life (qualified for the triple nines society, three degrees and severely underemployed) it's just because there must be something wrong with me (I had a mentally unstable boss who suffered extreme bouts of irrational paranoia. She would decide people were out to get her and then do everything she could to destroy them. And she was successful in my case.) Which he likes to go on and on about. "Yes, you could have accomplished anything if only you had just done as you were told, but there's something wrong with you..."

Yes, these people are driving me crazy.

And so, after you were born, my stepfather went on for three months about how he wasn't going to be very close to you because I didn't give you his middle name (Ram). Seriously. Talking about how he was going to have to reconsider his will. (He's gone on and on for years about his will, exactly like a total ass would do.)

This makes me angry. It's one fight after another for 40 years with these people. And in between the fights, my mother and stepfather do nothing but lay in bed. Seriously whenever I come over to visit I just go to the bedroom because it doesn't matter what time it is, they're going to be laying in bed. For 35 years at least. They fight and otherwise lay in bed. Nothing physically wrong with either. That's just what they "do". No hobbies. Watch TV. Look at the stockmarket. That's it. Give the same lecture about how being a miser is the most important thing in the world and that's it.

And it's been one fight after another with them and I've bent over backwards for decades. Tried to put up with them. Tried to think the best. Tried to be like the third son in Kurosawa's famous movie Ran.

And finally, at the age of 42 I manage to have a beautiful son. It should be such a happy time. And still just endless fighting (I've left out a million similar ridiculous stories from the decades before). In fact strangely enough they lay it on much thicker at this time, almost like they want my pregnant wife to have a miscarriage. And then he talks about taking me out of his stupid fucking will when I'm the only person in the whole damn family who's tried to be honest with him instead of just avoiding having a conversation with him at all costs like my two sisters.

And when I get angry about how ridiculous he is for acting this way, what does my mom do? She attacks me.

And so I finally told them I would have nothing more to do with them. If I inherit any money I will not accept it. I told my mother she could still see you though. And interestingly a month has now passed (you are now 4 months old) and she has not come to see you even once (she lives two minutes away and is retired).

So that's that. This was written quickly because it's far preferable to just not waste anymore time thinking about these people. But I will perhaps forget so well that I won't be able to explain why we don't speak to them.

I really haven't caught the essence of what it was growing up with these people. Haven't tried to. Sometimes though I think of how I want to treat you, the things I want to do for you and compare to how my childhood was and it's just ridiculous. I never had a chance in life because of my parents. Your life will surely be so much better. I want so bad to make it so much better. I am so looking forward to your future. I won't force you to be anything. I will see who you are and try to do whatever I can to help you succeed in whatever it is you want to succeed in. I will spend actual time with you. My parents never spent any time with me. You won't spend your evenings alone in a house in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do but watch sitcoms on the 3 channels the TV gets.