I listened to this cd often while amongst a particularly bloodthirsty bunch of ..."academic" demons in Minneapolis. I remember I lived in someone's attic in isolation. College roommates who had nothing to do with one another. The owner of the house lived in the basement and took issue with my wife once coming to visit me from Los Alamos. Very strange. Those few days with her were the only thing worth remembering of the 8 months there. Otherwise it was dark and cold and I got to meet many, many demons. And I was worked endlessly and have less than nothing to show for it. Also I herniated a disc in my back and couldn't stand up straight about half the time. Took many years to truly heal from that. Actually the sprinting of a few days ago may have been a first in 5 years. Had to slowly carefully work my way back over the course of years.

It's nice to have pieces of music to bring back a time.

It's amazing the hell I was put through. I'm so far from that now.

Not that Minneapolis was really that bad. It was that on top of the previous 20 years, many of which were far worse.

So far from that now, but it's still the exact same world. And a large part of me will always be disconnected from the personal, instead tapped into the bigger picture. It's a deeply ingrained neural pathway not easily overcome. I forget it's something to overcome, mainly. The last instant, who cares about the big picture?

With myopia, now is heaven, after so, so many years of true hell.