Once again mom, sister and stepfather manage to start some drama at the holidays. And this is the last time. I'm done. I do not want to ever see any of them again. I told this to my mom. Haven't actually told my stepfather yet. It's been absolute hell dealing with these people for the last 40 years. They don't give a shit about me, who I actually am. It's impossible to reason with either. I should have never had anything to do with them again once I left at 17. But I bent over backwards and put in 23 more years of hell.

No more.

Next will come the manipulative behavior. They will accuse me of literally killing my mother by not continuing to put up with her shit. As opposed to her being in bad health because she eats nothing by chocolate eclairs, massive drugs, etc most days. Her not getting to see her grandchild will be the end of the world. I will be portrayed as a demon. I will be slandered, etc.

What incredible hell they have been to me. Anyone else and I simply would have had nothing to do with them so long ago. They disgust me. They sicken me. Their lack of consideration for others. Their lack of a moral compass. Their rightwing unquestioning obedience mindset. Good lord, I can't stand it. I can't believe I put up with it all these years. Such good manipulators though.

In other news finished The Shadow of What was Lost by James Islington. The fact one of the main heroes lost his memory and isn't even sure what side he's really supposed to be on is a little annoying. Things are just too uncertain. Some mystery is good but this one goes a bit too far. There were some good scenes. Malshash going crazy was good. The injustice the Gifted face could have been explored more. I'm not looking to see if the follow up has been written yet.

Played Art R for the third time and this time won 6-0, 6-1. Just sliced the ball in the corners, he can't run. Next played some doubles and some guy who's name I never heard in singles. Beat him 6-4,7-6. Think he was deceptively good. Afterwards found out it was Ron H who was actually ranked above me, lol. The guy had no passing shots... I guess that moves me up to 7th in the league. He could run and didn't hit errors but also I've added two things of duct tape as a bumper guard and to make my racket heavier (6.1 prostaff stretch)(enlarged sweet spot/more power). Made my serve bigger. Don't think I need it any bigger now. Hurt my groundstrokes, hitting errors on slices I normally wouldn't hit. But I think in the long term it's a good thing. Started just hitting topspin forehands and they were better than usual also. Slower swing thus more controlled. The slice is just maybe a more delicate thing now.

Also served and volleyed more than ever before. Normally I just don't physically feel quite like sprinting up to the net over and over again. I think using the elliptical with a weighted backpack has strengthened my legs, also jumping in place for now 4 minutes straight most days. Don't expect that matters as much but can't say for certain.

Really getting a game now where it's hard to break my serve. IOW a pro style game.

The weighted racquet helps my volleys for the most part also I think. Will take some getting used to.

Finally my elbow didn't bother me at all for the first time in a very long time. Clearly thanks to the added weight.

Wish I had used the prostaff stretch against Jay C. Instead used the Prince Graphite Classic Longbody which doesn't hit as big of serves. Gave him an easier time in breaking my serve. Look forward to playing him again. Though I will need some time still to get used to the heavier racquet for groundstrokes.

Very lazy with the endurance running lately. Found myself breathing hard while playing tennis. Though played 2.5 hours (including hour of doubles which is no work) without tiring at all. Plus it's so damn cold out and don't really enjoy fast running on treadmill. Did elliptical with a 50 pound pack though. Think that's a really good thing to stay in good health.

Tuned my dulcimer to Emajor/C#minor. Funny how clumsy my left hand is relative to right, but working on it. It's really beautiful sounding. Enjoy it more than cello and compares well to piano even.

Beat some older guy Richard S 6-3, 6-3. Was lowly ranked but seemed pretty decent. Played smart. Stumbled onto 2012 rankings and he was rated top 5 out of 40 people then... Then played the number one ranked guy in the league Jay C. He won 6-4, 6-2. And he was just a bit better. Thinking what I could have done differently... Could have practiced putting away loopy soft balls. But then he simply wouldn't have hit them as much. He was extremely good at mixing it up and feeling me out for weaknesses. My one hand topspin backhand is still a weakness though improving. This was the first time I used just an eastern grip on it. But only hit it when he rushed the net. My slice was sometimes good, sometimes not aggressive enough.

His net game was excellent. Mine was really bad in comparison. And my serve wasn't powerful enough, I think. But he made it look effortless to get to everything. He always moved so smooth. I had switched back to the Prince Graphite Classic Longbody for this match. Think maybe it's not quite as good for serves... But it could just appear that way based on who I'm playing... Against the previous two opponents with the prostaff 6.1 stretch, my serve certainly seemed huge. In the second set against Jay C I really went away from speed and more towards placement which maybe was a mistake. I hate hitting double faults but against this guy some free points would have been nice. This guy really made me work. I didn't feel bad about losing. He was better. Still with a bigger serve it would have been closer. So back to the prostaff stretch.

Maybe my groundstrokes were better with the PGCL. Or maybe not. Was using a different grip. Also different strings. Put cow gut in the prostaff now and with eastern/western will see how I hit groundstrokes. Finally got hitting partner and going up tomorrow...

Played the last 3 games against Jay C with my prostaff 6.0 85. Groundstrokes were immediately better. Topspin forehand and slices. But serve lost some. Think a big serve matters more....

Bought a folkcraft pathfinder 15/14 hammered dulcimer. Originally 930, got it for 600 used. Second best sounding one they had at the store out of 7. Ugliest looking one, still looks OK. Seems a decent price.

So it sounds beautiful. Hammered dulcimers generally do. The problem is they're tuned into major keys. That's why all the songs one hears suck. For starters retuning to just c major/a minor. But will probably eventually go to c sharp minor, the ultimate key. And may go further but first want to read up on just how much away from the original tuning you can go. Guy said a full step. I wonder if you can go a bit further. Could make it a lot more interesting if the notes weren't in succession.

I need to keep track of how racquet/stringing combinations hit/felt.

prostaff 6.1 stretch 95 with TNT 2 tour at 43. Hit good but eventually seemed like my elbow wasn't great. Elbow wasn't horrible but TNT2 tour is a "crisp" string and seemed like elbow was worse then when I was using natural gut in the Prince Graphite Classic Longbody at 50. So far that hit the best and felt the best on my elbow, though elbow still wasn't 100%, have to be careful to keep arm pretty straight on my serves.

NXT at 44 in prostaff stretch 95. Not awful but really not as good as the natural gut at 50 in the PGCL.

Some kind of poly in prostaff 6.0 85. Elbow I think wasn't so good. Didn't even attempt to serve. Highly unlikely I can play with a poly.

Going to put natural gut in the prostaff 6.1 stretch 95 next and NXT in the prostaff 85.

PGCL-11.6 ounces 10HL flex 61, swing weight 334
Can't find specs for prostaff 6.1 stretch 95... Racquet technology is idiocy. No one makes longer racquets or smaller head frames. Stuck trying to find used discontinued models on ebay. Got a Lendl Kneisel the other day. But if I love it, what then? Anyway still haven't found it's specs either. Curious what the headframe size is...

Won against Rob W 6-4, 6-0. He was the 3rd rated player out of the 31 player league. Not happy with my play although I've only moved up to 10th so far so this was good. He couldn't really handle my serve and couldn't do much with my slice. I rarely hit my groundstrokes hard. Really wimped out on my backhand drive. But then just the time before I was experimenting with yet another grip which makes it hard to get confident. Now thinking instead to just hit continental for slice and drive. Worked for Lendl.

This guy had good strokes and a decent spinning left handed serve but no touch. Couldn't handle my lack of pace and slices that barely trickled over the net. Also he was afraid of my forehand drive. Tried to just hit to my backhand. Still i won the last 8 games.

I like to watch football a little because I like athletic stuff but good lord is it a stupid sport. The injuries, the repetitive interviews, the media's attempt to stir up soap opera-like drama, the two hours worth of commercials, the very idea of rooting for one team (when every three years there's 90% percent turnover, virtually none of whom are even originally from the area), the fact that it's not even a sport the vast majority of us can even play (or would actually want to), three yards and a cloud of dust over and over again, the idiotic announcers, and so on. Still watch it pretty much every week though.

There are other people who think the same but I've only heard people say such things who aren't athletic, which leads one to wonder if they're jealous or have some kind of bias. Never heard it from someone who was athletic (though surely there are some). I bother to express it because I'm stuck halfway I guess. I like sports but then find myself annoyed by the stupidity. And need a reminder. But feel like I should keep quiet almost. That others will feel inferior or like I'm attempting to make them inferior when if I never say it outloud, it's like I can forget myself and go back to being stuck with this vague unhappiness as I spend time wallowing through stupidity. 

In other news I've decided to not just use a continental grip on all shots. I am going to switch it a bevel for the backhand drive and a bevel and a half (the other way) for the forehand drive. Did so today for the first time with the ball machine. The backhand drive was actually a little better than the forehand. Trying to avoid very much topspin to simplify it. Forehand isn't consistent enough though. 

Ran today outside for first time in a while. Decided to do fewer interval repetitions. Just every ten minutes or so for 2 minutes or even less. But may attempt to at least once a week do a longish run. 

Tried to buy a hammered dulcimer online but got outbid with 13 seconds left. May try to visit some shop to get to play with some next weekend. None are anywhere nearby. Like that it's such an old instrument (1000 years). But I've never actually heard one live, lol. 

Pretty much have quit cello because I miss polyphony and am just not happy with the songs I know of to play on cello. After playing dulcimer a bit I'm curious about making an instrument. Thinking of something that can do triple or quadruple, etc stops. Do really like the sound of double stops where at least one has vibrato and/or is sliding tones. But haven't attempted to make a "song" using such techniques. It was the messing around with this though that made me realize how much I miss polyphony and ultimately has me bored with regular cello playing and thus haven't hardly played in months.